"Here you go!" says Jon, dropping a piece of meat so burned that it has transformed into a solid black lump onto Liz's plate. "Hot off the grill!"
"I wouldn't feed this to a dog" says Liz with contempt.
"I would" thinks Garfield, doing just that.
Liz appears shocked by this development.


Apartment 3-G

"Do you have a minute, Margo?" Asks Evan, barging into the office.
"I'm with a client, Evan." Says Margo.
"Oops, sorry, I'm leaving!" says Evan.

Evan makes a quick exit and...

"Who was that - Jimmy Olsen?" Asks Greg for no apparent reason.
Margo chuckles, even though nothing funny happened.
"Ah-ha," says Greg, "so the lady can laugh!"
Margo smirks.




"Your fuel gauge is broken." says the mechanic.
"I know." says Archie.
"You want me to fix it?" asks the mechanic.
"No thanks." says Archie cheerfully.

Later, Archie is in the car with Veronica.
"Oh, look!" says Archie with a smile. "We're out of gas!"

In the pitch black sky above them, the moon silently explodes.




"Someday I'll go to Europe!" says the horrifying bird-child.
"You'll need a lot of money for that!" exclaims the pale bald boy jubilantly.
"Fine, I wish I had a million dollars like my uncle!" says the bird-child.
"Your uncle has a million dollars?" asks the boy.
"No," says the bird-child, "he wishes too!"
The boy throws himself violently to the ground.



Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog

"Looks like the Smiths are having a yard sale" says Karl conversationally.
"Yeah," says Bleeker, "lots of old gadgets and junk"
A horrifying realisation strikes Karl. "That'll be us someday" he says.
Bleeker groans. "Karl, don't start with that!"
"...What?" says Karl angrily. "It's just a matter of time"
Bleeker rolls his eyes.
"We're havin' a yard sale?!" asks Refurb. Poor, stupid Refurb. He'll be the first to go.



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"Why is there a stick in the living room?" asks Cheryl, looking at the absolutely fantastic stick on the floor.
"Sorry." says Gil. "I'll put it in my room."
"Why don't you take it outside?" asks Cheryl.
Gil picks up the awesome stick. "I can't leave the Excalibur of sticks outside!" he says, entirely reasonably. "Some kid might steal it!"
"Silly me." says Cheryl, sarcastically, blind to the manifest excellence of the stick. "We wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands."
"Really, it should in a glass display case bathed in a shaft of light." says Gil. And he is right to say it.




Cosmo is listlessly watching television, remote control in hand.
"What your hair needs is a touch of gray." says the television.
Cosmo slumps in his chair, his eyes wide with shock.
"What my head needs is a touch of hair." thinks the anthropomorphic bird whose body is entirely covered in feathers.



Animal Crackers

"Service unavailable." thinks a tiger, staring at his mobile phone. "I'm screwed."

Moments later he is brutally torn apart and eaten by several crocodiles.



Apartment 3-G

Margo opens her office door and...

"Mr. Cooper??" asks Margo.
"Call me Greg." says the completely ordinary-looking man who is already inside Margo's office somehow.

As Margo stares...

"Holy what-the-heck! That is one gorgeous man!" thinks Margo, staring vacantly.

"Are you OK?" asks Greg, with a grin.
"What?" asks Margo. "Oh, it's nothing. I was just expecting your manager."



Mary Worth

"Wilbur said physically they are all right, except for some bumps and bruises!..." says Mary, in distress.
Toby and Ian listen with disgust.

"But of course it's a shock to go through that!... Fighting for survival on a sinking ship!" continues Mary.
Ian smirks.
"How's Dawn?" asks Toby, bringing her hand up to her face to suppress her laughter.



Hi and Lois

"Mom! The waves are splashing us!" calls a voice from offscreen.
"Move back." says Lois, indifferently.
"But how are we supposed to swim..." says Dot.
"if we're standing on the beach?" ask Ditto.
The two of them stand ankle-deep in the water. The beach is otherwise deserted, due, no doubt, to the oil spill. Lois doesn't answer them, she can't even pretend to care.




"By, Hazel, I'm running away from home." says Harold. "Taking only the necessities."
Over his shoulder he holds a stick with a comic book attached to it with string and behind him walks the dog, pulling two carts (on which sits some kind of flying saucer) by means of some contraption that defies description and mocks all sense of scale and perspective.



The Amazing Spider-Man

"If I battle Hardy Laurel at the circus -" says Peter, getting his costume from a coat-hanger in his wardrobe, "someone in the audience might get hurt!"
"How can you prevent that, honey?" asks MJ, idly glancing up from the circus flier she's reading.
"It won't be easy .." says Peter, holding open the neck of his costume to peer at his own chest, "but I have a plan!"
"?" says MJ.



Apartment 3-G

Meanwhile, across town...

"Hi, Aunt Cathy," says Evan, holding his mobile phone awkwardly with just the tips of his fingers, "it's my first day on the job and I couldn't have landed it without your help."
"That's sweet, Evan," says Cathy, holding her mobile phone in front of her mouth like  microphone, "but I didn't do anything important."
"We both know that's not true." says Evan, holding his phone a good few inches from his face.
"Whatever. I have a busy day - gotta run." says Cathy, hanging up on him.



Sam and Silo

"When will that light turn green?" asks Sam, staring at the traffic light in front of him. "It's been red a long time!"
The green and yellow lights are both on, the red is off.
"Ah, there it goes" says Sam as the green light begins to glow even brighter. The red remains off and the yellow remains on.
"Aren't you going to cross?" asks Silo.
"Nah," says Sam, "there's nothing over there"



The Amazing Spider-Man

"All this bling - " cries Clown 9, throwing a purse, a wallet, some loose cash and an assortment of necklaces and rings into the air.
"And I made a fool out of Spider-Man as well!" he says, laughing.
"But next time I'll finish him off!" he says clenching his fist and grimacing. "And then I'll trash that Broadway play that booted me out!"



Improving Mary Worth

Based on the current Mary Worth story and a Phantom story from 2010.



Shoe and his girlfriend are sitting together at an ice-cream shop. Shoe looks wistfully across the table at her and says "Really, I want you to be happy."
"Okay." she says dully. "I'm dumping you for another guy."
"Not that happy." says Shoe resignedly.
She just stares back at him, saying nothing.




Henry strides aggressively towards a boy in a green windcheater, balancing a grey brick on his arm. The other boy glares at him. Henry puts his hands on his hips and glares back. The boy grins nastily and begins removing his windcheater.

Henry throws up his arms in panic, dislodging the brick. Thinking quickly he grabs the now loose sleeves of the other boy's windcheater and ties them together, trapping him inside the garment, before strolling off, wiping the sweat from the back of his head with a red handkerchief.



A slim, large-breasted woman perches awkwardly on a chair, staring vacantly across a desk at Condorito, a monstrous bird-man in a blue shirt who is stumbling into the desk and barely holding onto an apparently blank piece of paper.

"Doctor, do you think I'll get better?" asks the woman.
"It's hard to see how you could, precious." replies Condorito.



The Lockhorns

Loretta glares at Leroy as they leave a theatre where Romeo and Juliette is playing.
"Where's the tragedy?" asks Leroy resignedly, trudging glumly along at her side. "They quit while they were ahead."
The other patrons leaving the theatre behind them seem to be the latest victims of the Lockhorns' ability to drain all happiness from every place they go.



Gil Thorpe

"Golf's not for me, Molly." says Steve, staring blindly past her. "But... um, you maybe want to go out sometime?"
Molly's pupils and irises disappear, leaving her eyes completely white.
"Sorry, Steve." she says. "I don't think so."
"Oh, OK." says Steve, glancing surreptitiously at her breasts and doing a karate chop in the air. "I get it."
"No," she replies gleefully, thrusting her hand out and pointing, "I don't think you do!"