2013-03-31

Hägar the Horrible

"Helga, will you throw me a rope?" calls Hägar.
"What's wrong?" asks Helga.
"Obviously the spring thaw has arrived" says Hägar cryptically.
Helga goes outside to find out what the problem is only to discover that Hägar is buried to his shoulders in the grassy ground in front of their house.

Comic

2013-03-29

Tina's Groove

Tina stands outside the door to the men's toilets.
"Carlos?" she calls out. "When will you be back to work?"

Maternity leave for men.

Comic

2013-03-27

Ziggy

Ziggy and his pets are in a vast, largely empty room. Ziggy, the dog and the cat are standing together, the parrot is on a perch next to a plinth on which the goldfish's bowl is sitting. They all seem pretty cheerful.
"...Pssst!" says the bird to the fish. "Want to hear a mammal joke?"

Comic

2013-03-25

Beetle Bailey

Pvt. Bailey and Pvt. Plato are lying in tents too small for them in broad daylight.
"Did you hear that howl?" asks Pvt. Plato. "Aren't you afraid of wild animals?"
"Not when Zero's with us" replies Pvt. Bailey. "He has a way with animals"
Pvt. Zero rests against a tree nearby. All manner of birds and animals happily converge on him. A small bear rests beside him, its forepaw lying over him as though giving a gentle embrace. A bird sits on his helmet. A snake is curled up nearby, gazing upon him in adoration.

Comic

2013-03-23

Crock

"Seymour, we need a rope bridge across this chasm." says one legionnaire to another, pointing across a gap of around two meters.
"The rope is ten feet too short!" replies Seymour angrily.
"It's always one flimsy excuse after another, isn't it, Seymour?" retorts the first.

Comic

2013-03-21

The Lockhorns

Loretta opens the front door to find Leroy standing there with a box of chocolates and some flowers.
"Here..." he says, despondently. "I shouldn't have."
Loretta seems genuinely moved despite the lacklustre presentation and the fact that Valentine's Day was last month.

Comic

2013-03-19

B.C.

B.C. is standing out in a field when suddenly a flying saucer lands nearby. Before he has time to do more than flinch in shock, a door opens in the side and a ramp extends to the ground.

Out walks Peter. As the saucer flies away, Peter nonchalantly wanders off.
B.C. turns to follow Peter. "Hello?!"
"What happens on Zorpulon X stays on Zorpulon X." replies Peter, still walking away.

Comic

2013-03-17

Beetle Bailey

"I thought the general said he never wanted to see Lt. Fuzz again" says Pvt. Blips.
"He did" says Sheila, "but Lt. Fuzz made a deal with him"

In the next room Gen. Halftrack grins with sadistic pleasure as Lt. Fuzz, on hands and knees before him, kisses the sole of his foot.

Comic

2013-03-16

Six Chix

A one-armed woman is in bed with a one-armed man. Each of them is holding a Space Monolith action figure.
"Don't get me wrong;" says the woman, "I think it's great, I just miss my bookmarks."

Comic

2013-03-14

Dennis the Menace

Mrs. Wilson watches Dennis play with a mobile phone while Mr. Wilson writes a letter.
"I'll bet you don't know how to text, do you, Mr. Wilson?" asks Dennis.
Mr. Wilson doesn't say anything, he just glares. The boy's right, Mr. Wilson feels lost and alienated by modern technology and resents Dennis and all young people for their effortless grasp of things beyond his understanding.

Comic

2013-03-12

Crock

Four legionnaires march in single-file through the desert.

Comic

2013-03-10

The Family Circus

Bil is in bed, sick. A tray holding toast, a bowl of broth and a glass of water sits mostly untouched in front of him. Billy enters the room to see how his father is feeling.
"Maybe you caught your virus from our computer, daddy." says Billy.
Bil regards his son sadly, wondering just how he managed to end up with such a dumb kid.

Comic

2013-03-08

Ziggy

The man from the pest control company surveys Ziggy's livingroom. Zucchinis are piled up next to the couch and scattered about the rest of the room.
"...sorry mister..." says the man, "we don't do zucchini!"
Ziggy does not take the news well.

Comic

2013-03-06

Hi and Lois

"I wonder if I gain weight when I suck my thumb." says Trixie, sticking her thumb into the hole in her face between her mouth and nose.
"My pinkie probably has fewer calories." she says, taking her thumb out and putting her little finger into the hole instead.

Comic

2013-03-04

Hi and Lois

"I hate working on my birthday." says Abercrombie.
"At least Mrs. Flagston remembered." says Fitch.
Abercrombie opens the Flagstons' rubbish bin to find it contains a bunch of flowers that couldn't possibly have fit in there with the lid closed. He is charmed and delighted.

Comic

2013-03-02

Arlo and Janis

Janis drops a plate on the floor. Arlo looks up at the noise. The two of them stand over the shattered remains.
"One less 'thing'!!" they yell as they high-five.

Comic

2013-03-01

Improving Garfield

Based on this recent Garfield strip.

New colours and shit

I was getting really annoyed with how small I had to make my edited comics to get them to fit within the column as I had it before, so I thought I'd do something about that, and while I was at it I messed with a few other things.

Let me know if you like it or if you hate it or if you're indifferent to it or, more importantly, if anything seems to be bent, broken or otherwise fucked up. Especially if these changes mean that stuff isn't fitting on your tiny antiquated monitor any more, because I do actually want the site to be readable.

The new colours and fonts are supposed to be a bit more "comicky" (Comicish? Comic-y? Comicy?) or whatever, but I might decide I hate them and put them back. I don't know, I just changed a bunch of stuff for the hell of it. Let me know what you think.