Comics for the Blind

2014-05-20

Action Tuesday: Bear fight!

Well, after seeing Mark Trail fight a bear we also got to see that bear fighting another bear. I still miss the way Mark used to say every thought that came into his head aloud regardless of where he was or what he was doing, but new Mark Trail has a lot more bear fighting, and that can't be a bad thing. Also there's this:

Mark Trail, 2014-05-15.

Mark Trail, 2014-05-17.

"Dusty, look, out in that field!" says Cherry, pointing.
"Yeah, that's Mark all right!" says Dusty, looking through a pair of binoculars. "He's crawling away from two fighting bears and he looks like he's in rough shape... we'd better go get him!"
"Mark, Mark, over here!" calls Cherry, running towards him.
"Cherry ... Dusty!" calls Mark, struggling to stand.

And in Judge Parker, April is still holding Franco hostage while Flaco holds Katherine, Abbott has agreed to hand himself over in exchange for Katherine and has promised that Franco will be released as well, and Alan has wandered off into the jungle like a gigantic moron. I can't wait to see what's happened to him. Meanwhile...

Judge Parker, 2014-05-20.

"My whole family, past and future, is out there..." says Randy. "Bring them back!"
"You should be more concerned about the Garda brothers, son!" says Abbott grimly. "They will pay for ruining your wedding... I promise you that!"
"Wear these, Abbott..." says Holland, handing over a pair of night-vision goggles "and circle to the west! We know his location!"

2014-05-19

Melodrama Monday: Redeem yourself!

Rex Morgan shifted focus this week onto June's new job, which has been pretty dull so far, but before that June had spoken to Kelly and told her to play along with Sarah for the moment. Presumably some comeuppance is in store for Sarah, but June's given no indication so far of what it might be.

Rex Morgan MD, 2014-05-14.

"That took a long time!" says Sarah, accusingly. "What were you and mommy talking about?"
"We were talking about you..." says Kelly. "and how amazingly talented you are!"
"Really?" asks Sarah. "you were?"
"Absolutely!" says Kelly. "Now let's get to work, shall we?"

So I guess Sarah was totally willing to buy that June pulled Kelly aside to have a quick chat about how talented she is. Also, how great is this panel?

Rex Morgan MD, 2014-05-15.

And in Apartment 3-G, Tommie is still on Jack Riley's... farm? Let's call it a farm. In addition to the deer she is still apparently keeping in the house she's now adopted a horse (a mare she's named Mary — I guess Lily should be glad she didn't get Deirdre). I guess what it takes to get over the loss of a fiancé is adopting every animal you find.

Apartment 3-G, 2014-05-19.

Morning at Jack's place...

"Hello?!" says a woman in yellow. "Who are you and what are you doing here?!"
"I'm Tommie Thompson — I work here. And you are?"
"Jack and I are old friends. Really good old friends!"
"And I still don't know your name." says Tommie.

Is this woman "really good friends" with Jack in the way that Dr Jeff is "good friends" with Mary Worth? It would help if we could tell how old she is, but since she was drawn by Frank Bolle that's impossible. It also makes it impossible to tell how to read the dialogue. Is she angry to find Tommie here? Shocked? Pleased? There's just no way of knowing. We also can't read Tommie's reaction here. Is she being friendly, or confrontational? It could go either way.

Speaking of Mary Worth, Tommy has decided that he will apply for the job of sandwich shop janitor.

Mary Worth, 2014-05-19.

The next day, when Iris pays a visit to Mary...

"My son's applying for a job at Jerry's sandwich shop!" says Iris.
"That's great, Iris!" says Mary. "I'm glad to see he found motivation!"
"He told me you had something to do with that!" says Iris. "If you did... thank you!"

Yes, it's all down to Mary Worth.

Mary Worth, 2014-05-16.

Mary Worth, 2014-05-18.

See? Without Mary, Tommy would still be a lazy slacker sitting at home all day. Maybe next she could help Iris get a job too.

And this last week in Luann has just been her teacher, Mr. Fogarty, talking about how he can't wait to retire because he has always hated being a teacher, has never even tried to do a good job and hates his students.

Luann, 2014-05-19.

"Have you told your students that you're retiring, Mr. Fogarty?" asks Miss Phelps.
"Yes." says Mr. Fogarty. "But they didn't listen, as usual —"
He opens the door and steps into the classroom.
"SURPRISE!" yell Delta, Bernice and Gunther.
A banner reading "FAREWELL MR. FOGARTY!" is hanging off to one side. Tiffany, Luann and Knute are also there.

2014-05-16

Philosophical Friday: Makeup For Card Sharks

Sherman's Lagoon, 2014-05-08.

There are just so many ways that this joke doesn't make sense. Firstly, beige? Ordinarily I'd blame the colourist, but in this case they're sharks and there's no way they would ever be beige.

Secondly, lipstick? Do those sharks look like they have lips to you? I know the whole talking animal thing generally relies on the assumption that the talking animals do human things even when they don't make sense (like sharks sleeping in a bed), but the drawing still has to support the joke and you can't have them talking about their lips when they clearly don't have any.

Thirdly, how the hell is beige lipstick even supposed to work for a human? It wouldn't make your face hard to read, it would just make you look like you didn't have lips. Which, again, Megan doesn't.

Dustin, 2014-05-12.

One of the running jokes in Dustin (as seen here) is that Dustin is lazy and doesn't do anything to look for a job. It would work a lot better though if there wasn't the other running joke of Dustin constantly looking for work and taking any job that comes along no matter what it is or how temporary. He works all the time.

So you end up with strips like this where Dustin's reaction comes across entirely differently than intended. He's supposed to be "Argh, I have to actually work and not be lazy any more? OMG!" or whatever but instead he's "Uhh, OK. Why is dad being nice to me this morning?"

It's like there are two comics running simultaneously, or like we're seeing two parallel universes, and none of the characters ever know which one they're in.

Sitcom Thursday: Timely and Relevant

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-09.

Uriah is delivering the mail.
"Uh-oh..." he says, looking up. "Looks like rain !!"
Fortunately he has an umbrella for himself and a small umbrella which he attaches to his mailbag so that the letters don't get wet. It's just a pity that no one in Hootin' Holler can read.

Retail, 2014-05-12.

"Can I see your I.D., please?" asks Val.
"What for?" demands the customer.
"You wrote 'See I.D.' on the back of your credit card." says Val.
"-Huff- Of course the cashier only looks at it when I'm in a hurry." says the customer. "What a hassle."
"You're welcome?" says Val.

Did you know that writing "See ID" on your credit card is dumb and pointless? Because it is. If you wrote it instead of signing then your card isn't valid and, although most retail staff won't press the issue, they shouldn't actually accept it. If you did sign it then the card is valid and the staff have no right to see your ID regardless of what may be written on your credit card.

Shoe, 2014-05-13.

Skyler is taking a test at school. The first question is "Who was behind the first moon launch?" He thinks for a moment before writing "Ralph Kramden."

This is a comic strip that was published in 2014. Not 1970, 2014.

2014-05-14

One-Panel Wednesday: Dumb Jokes and Dumb Kids

Bizarro, 2014-05-12.

A man dressed as Robin Hood is at a doctor's looking at an eye-chart, but instead of letters or symbols it has apples on it.
"Granny Smith, Braeburn..." he says, "um... Red Delicious?"

William Tell's mandatory pre-employment physical

Look, I can sort of see where you're coming from with this, Piraro, but it doesn't work. The pieces don't really fit together properly. William Tell would need good eyesight to shoot an apple off his son's head, but that wasn't his job, and he didn't need to identify the type of apple. And why is he dressed as Robin Hood? You know that was a different guy, right?

Dennis the Menace, 2014-05-12.

"If our spaceship had room for a kitchen, you'd be my first cook in command." says Dennis nonsensically to the horrifying alien masquerading as his mother.

The Family Circus, 2014-05-13.

"Look at this little green apple that was growin' on our tomato plant." says Jeffy, holding an unripe tomato that he's just pulled off the plant.

Oh my god, how are you this dumb, Jeffy? How?