Honestly, I only modified two of these comics

Based on the 2013-12-19 Marmaduke strip.

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The Pajama Diaries, 2013-12-19.

Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised that this got published in newspapers? I mean, the joke here is that she is about to have sex with her tablet, right? And she's wearing only her underwear. This is basically an invitation for letters of complaint.

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Based on the 2013-12-19 On The Fast Rack strip.

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As Henry is walking down the street a boy runs past him going in the opposite direction. Another boy follows close behind him.
"A big milk truck upset, Henry!" calls the second boy as he passes.
Henry quickly runs home to fetch his cats.

Henry, 2013-12-19.

---

"Thar's Doc Pritchart an' Snuffy headed fer th' community Chris'mas party !!" says Elviney.
Snuffy and Pritchart are dressed as Santa and an elf, and although Snuffy is short and the doctor is tall, Snuffy is Santa and Doc is the elf.
"Not eg'zactly masters of th' obvious, are they ?" muses Lukey.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2013-12-19.

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Apartment 3-G, 2013-12-19.

"We'll stay in touch." says Lu Ann, probably even meaning it. But this is Apartment 3-G, so you can pretty much guarantee that this is the last we'll ever hear of Cole or Marty. I wonder who Lu Ann will get engaged to next month?

Also, it seems like a while since we've heard anything of Margo, so hopefully she'll make up for her absence with a particularly crazy Christmas/new year's eve story.

Also Tommie still exists, presumably.

Huge, massive uninteresting developments

Wizard of Id, 2013-12-18.

So here's an interesting development, and it rather throws a spanner in the works for my "Wizard of Id is set in the present but in an alternate reality" theory. In fact it seems that Wizard of Id must be set in the future.

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Fred Basset, 2013-12-18

What's this? An ongoing story in Fred Basset? Next thing you know there'll be jokes.

Poverty and mental illness

"Can I borry two items from you, Elviney ?" asks Loweezy sadly.
"Shore, Loweezy, whatta you need ?" asks Elviney.
"Food and' drink !!" says Loweezy. She tries to laugh it off, but Elviney knows it's no joke, the Smifs are living in poverty just like everyone else in Hootin' Holler.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2013-12-17.

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Ziggy is at a restaurant. A large sign informs customers that the "Tuna Surprise" is just $8.95. Ziggy looks over his shoulder, just in time to see the head of a giant fish peeking around a nearby door, giggling to itself.

Ziggy, 2013-12-17.

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Fred Basset, 2013-12-17.

Reading, it, you can see exactly how this comic came about. Michael Martin was trying to come up with an idea for a comic and he hit on the old standby of "technology is confusing". So he thought about something he'd had difficulty with recently, his new digital camera. But then he looked at the instructions and found that it was actually pretty straight-forward. So what was he going to do then, come up with another idea? Of course not. He just made up some nonsense instructions to make it seem more complicated, because the target audience for Fred Basset certainly isn't going to call him on it.

Small mercies

Wizard of Id, 2013-12-16.

Thank god they're not naked.

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Mother Goose and Grimm are at a restaurant.
"Red or white with your entrée?" asks the waiter, holding up a bottle of red wine in one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other.
"White" says Mother Goose, holding up a martini glass and smirking. "... with olives".
The waiter is dismayed. It seems that this establishment has only two varieties of wine and no other drink options. Grimm smirks nastily, enjoying the waiter's discomfort.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-12-16.

It's pretty easy to tell chocolate and Vegemite apart

Heathcliff discovers an abnormally large mouse-hole in the wall and sticks his head in to see what's going on. He finds two adult mice standing behind a younger mouse. One of the adults is wearing an apron and a bow, the child is wearing a gi, the other mouse is naked.

The child takes a fighting stance.
"Watch out -" says the naked mouse. "He's  an orange belt."

Heathcliff slowly backs away and resolves never to speak of or think about what he has just witnessed.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-13.

---

Ginger Meggs, 2013-12-13.

I don't think this would work. Firstly, Vegemite's darker than most chocolate, and secondly you'd notice when you tried to pick it up that it wasn't solid.

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"Look, mister Capp, this can't go on." says the doctor. "You're going to have to stop drinking."
"Why, doc?" asks Andy.
"Because I'm trying to examine you" says the doctor.

You thought the doctor was advising him to cut alcohol consumption from his life, but actually Andy was just drinking a beer while he was at the doctor's surgery and the doctor found it inconvenient.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-13.

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-12-13.

Grimm: Most punchable character in comics? It's a hard call, but he's up there.

---

Apartment 3-G, 2013-12-13.

What, you wanted some information about your father's condition? Ha, no. Shut up.

All of today's comics share a single punchline

Nancy, 2013-12-12.

Paying orphans sub-standard wages to scrub floors. Sure, that sounds like Christian charity to me. Or a return to 19th century labour practices. Either or.

---

Heathcliff, like Batman, has a car designed to suit his theme — that theme being Heathcliff. Unlike Batman, Heathcliff uses his car to go to the shops to buy milk rather than to fight crime.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-12.

---

"Oh, doctor." calls Flo. "Just the person. Can I ask your advice? I've got this terrible irritating pain and I'm not sure what to do"
"Where is the pain?" asks the Doctor, totally unaware that he's walking right into a real knee-slapper.
"He's at home" says Flo.

She means Andy, you see. She's not in pain, she's saying that Andy is a pain. That's the joke.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-12.

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I'm dog-sitting for my neighbors while they're out of town." says Fitch.
"Cool." says Dustin, patting the dog on the head.
"But Charlie has fleas. Yesterday I found one on my ankle."
Dustin immediately stops patting the dog.
"So go to the pet store and buy a flea collar." he says.
"I did that." says Fitch, "But it made my neck itch."

You'd expect him to have put the flea collar on the dog, but actually he tried it on himself. It's funny because it confounds our expectations.

Dustin, 2013-12-12.

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Based on the 1946-11-04 The Phantom strip. The last sentence of the first dialogue balloon serves as an alternate punchline for every one of the other comics featured today.

Christmas che- oh wait, it's Crankshaft

A tortoise has put a bent piece of corrugated iron on top of his shell.
"I'll never understand you..." remarks a bird.
"I like the sound it makes when it rains." explains the tortoise.

B.C., 2013-12-11.

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Crankshaft, 2013-12-11.

So, they should both be fired.

---

Mary Worth, 2013-12-11.

You know what I like best about black-and-white photography? The colours.

Technically an improvement

Gil, 2013-12-10.

Given that the outcome of Snakes and Ladders is determined entirely by dice roll and there is no element of skill to it at all, you could really save a lot of time and tedium by just rolling the die once each and declaring the person who rolled highest the winner.

Of course, Gil's modification does make the game take less time, so it is still an improvement over the standard game. He really should get his mother to buy him some decent board games though. I bet he would be totally into Lords of Waterdeep, and his mother would probably approve since it's not a video-game.

A reasonable explanation

Heathcliff is sitting on the doorstep next to a large trophy. He has a big white beard. A neighbour looking over the fence notices Heathcliff and is confused.
"Competitive bearding." explains a boy.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-09.

The Goddamn Jameson

Based on the Amazing Spider-Man strips of 2013-12-06 and 2013-12-07 and this famous Batman panel.

Talking animals are weird

Buckles, 2013-12-05.

Comic strips where pets talk and their owners understand them are pretty common, and usually I can just accept the premise and move on, but sometimes I think about it too much. For example, in this Buckles strip.

They're talking to him like as though he's a person who can be reasoned with. If that's the case, why are they allowed to keep him as a pet? Isn't this some bizarre form of slavery? It's not at Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog levels of horror, but dogs in this universe are people with intelligence comparable to humans and yet they're still kept as property.

Bad drawings and bad jokes

Marmaduke, 2013-12-04.

Is he talking about the small girl or the dog? Either way, I'm disturbed.

---

Pooch Café, 2013-12-04.

That has got to be the worst drawing of Oprah ever attempted.

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"Out!" yells the bouncer as he hurls Andy from the oub.
"Tch!" exclaims the police officer, wagging a finger. "You know, mister Capp, you should drink in moderation"
"Is that the new club in town?" asks Andy.
You see, he's very drunk and is having comprehension problems. Or perhaps he's making a joke. Either way, the police officer is not amused and expresses his frustration by breaking the fourth wall and grimacing at the audience.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-04.

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"Honey!" calls Molly, reading a letter. "How many fish did you say you caught last Saturday?"
"I brought home six beauties!" brags Moose. "Why?"
"Just as I thought!" exclaims Molly. "The fish market made a mistake and is trying to bill us for eight!"
Moose grins at the audience as though to say "Well, she caught me!"

Moose and Molly, 2013-12-04.

Animals behaving oddly

Heathcliff, 2013-12-03.

To anyone who's not convinced yet that Heathcliff is a great comic, look at this!

---

Beetle Bailey, 2013-12-03.

I don't want to know what's going on here, and I really don't want to know why Beetle and Killer are smiling.

---

Apartment 3-G, 2013-12-03.

Sensible question. I often sleep upright on a dining chair in a well-lit room.

Is the world going crazy or is Ziggy?

Ziggy, 2013-12-02.

It's never clear how much of what goes on in Ziggy is actually happening and how much is in Ziggy's mind. I think this is a clear sign that he needs psychiatric help though.

---

Snuffy and Lukey are going fishing.
"I don't know if th' weather's gittin' more extreme, Lukey..." muses Smif, "but it's definitely gittin' weirder !!"
Although it seems to be  point of idle contemplation for Snuffy, Lukey shows a little greater concern. After all, it's he whom the rain cloud is apparently following around, as though with some purpose. Is some powerful supernatural being targeting him specifically? It's a worrying possibility.

Snuffy Smith, 2013-12-02.

What? Who is this?

Based on the 2013-08-13 Garfield strip, the 2013-10-03 Phantom strip, the 2013-11-29 Judge Parker strip and the 2011-04-11 Mark Trail strip.

Celebrate the apocalypse

A woman is showing her friend her survival bunker.
"You can see I'm prepped for ANY future disaster! I won't run out of staples." she says, pointing out shelves of water and rice.
"Or dates for Friday nights!" she adds, showing off the stasis room in which she is holding captive a large number of men.

Six Chix, 2013-11-30.

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Hazel is bringing a piece of cake to George, who is watching the gridiron on television. Hazel's attention is diverted by what's going on on the screen.
"Touchdown!" she yells, accidentally throwing the cake at George's head.

Hazel, 2013-11-30.

---

Good question, Hägar. Are these Vikings celebrating American thanksgiving? If so, what's with the hats? And what are they singing?

Safe Havens

Based on the 2013-11-28 Safe Havens strip.

Bad food, bad weather

"Millie's making a vegan thanksgiving!" says Ozzie. "Yikes!!!"
His stomach growls.
"What am I going to eat around here!?!"
Mooch offers Ozzie his cat-food. Ozzie seems to be seriously considering it.

Mutts, 2013-11-26.

---

There is a loud crack, followed by a boom. Privates Diller and Plato look worried.
"Well, the weather-man did predict 'localized storms'" says Diller, commenting on the fact that a very small thunderstorm has broken out about a foot above Pvt. Bailey's head. Bailey bears this with resignation, rather than alarm.

Beetle Bailey, 2013-11-26.

Love and the unloveable

Ziggy opens his front door to find himself on the receiving end of a visit from Homeland Security.
"...but everybody gets email from Nigeria!" he protests.
The DHS agent does not appear to find that very amusing.

Ziggy, 2013-11-25.

---

The Lockhorns are sitting on a couch.
"You'd lay down your life for me?" asks Loretta, eagerly. "How soon?"

The Lockhorns, 2013-11-25.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2013-11-25.

Eww, that's disgusting. Don't do that.

Big cities or young people, which is worse?

If you haven't been reading Mary Worth lately, you're really missing out. It's not quite at Aldo Kelrast levels but it's been pretty great. Allow me to set the scene. Mary Worth went to see an old friend in New York City, but something came up and so Mary has a bit of time to kill by herself, so she's gone for a walk in Central Park. But you know what big cities are like. They're full of young people for a start, and what do we know about young people? They're all criminals and drug users with no respect for their elders!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-18.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-19

Damn kids! Always up to no good, sneaking around and shoving innocent old ladies!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-20.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-21.

But this young hooligan clearly didn't realise who he was messing with! Mary Worth isn't going to lose bag without a fight!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-22.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-23.

And just as all seems lost, who should appear but a reassuringly old man, The young mugger clearly can't stand up to both of them, so he runs away. Young people are kind of like wild animals, you just have to stand your ground and make a lot of noise and they'll back off. They're more scared of you than you are of them.

And once again we learn the valuable lesson that old people are kind and helpful and young people are dangerous and not to be trusted. Thank you, Mary Worth!

A sense of propriety

The doorbell rings while Henry is wearing his underwear, but he goes to answer it anyway. It's the postman.
"Morning, Henry!" says the postman. "Here's a letter from Henrietta!"
In a sudden panic, Henry turns and runs back upstairs. He returns a moment later, fully dressed, to collect the letter.

Henry, 2013-11-20.

Golf jokes and hamster gangs

A police officer and a woman watch as Heathcliff, encased in a hamster ball, chases a number of smaller hamster balls down the street, each of which contains a hamster.
"He's going after that hamster gang." says the police officer.

Heathcliff, 2013-11-19.

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Todd the Dinosaur, 2013-11-19.

So, Trent answered the door, met Al Gore, found out that Gore was there to see Todd, and then just shut the door in his face and went to tell Todd about it? Rude.

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Henry visits a driving range where they are offering a deal where you can hit a bucket of golf balls for 50 cents. He approaches the staff member at the counter and pays for a bucket. Taking his place at the range, he places the bucket before himself and strikes it with a golf club. You see, he hit the bucket rather than taking the balls out and hitting them individually, following the directions literally rather than doing what was expected.

Henry, 2013-11-19.

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Sgt. Snorkel has a sign up beside his desk which simply reads "THINK". Beetle paints over the K, and before the sergeant can react he turns and leaves, pausing only to remark "Now you've got something to think about".

Beetle Bailey, 2013-11-19.

Software updates

Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog, 2013-11-14.

In this universe, robots are sentient artificial intelligences who are bought and sold and forced to work for no pay. They're electronic slaves. But that's just the basic premise of the comic, I haven't gotten to what makes today's strip so crazy yet.

Here's the thing — there are software updates that modify the personalities of these robots. These sentient robots with complex thoughts and emotions. They're people. They're people being held as slaves and who have their personalities rewritten on the whims of their owners.

This comic is pretty dark.

Lunchtime

Heathcliff is sitting next to a hard-hatted construction worker. Each of them has a lunchbox. The construction worker is eating a sandwich. Heathcliff's sandwich has wings and is flying away.

"I prefer whole wheat bread." says the construction worker.

Heathcliff, 2013-11-09.

I'm still here

Hey, so... guess who's been really lazy and not bothered posting anything for ages? Oh, it was me. Sorry.

Face the music

"I'm really not in the mood to face the music at work today" says Dagwood.
"Is it really that bad, honey?" asks Blondie.
"It's really bad, honey" says Dagwood.

Later, Dagwood arrives at the office.
"Are you ready for a little get-up-and-go music, Bumstead?" asks Mr. Dithers.
Dagwood looks forlorn. You see, Dithers is holding a piano accordion, an instrument often thought to make a less than pleasant sound. At first it appeared that Dagwood would have to face up to the consequences of some poor action on his part, but it turned out that the music he didn't want to face was quite literal and just of a type that he does not enjoy.

Blondie, 2013-11-08.

Hold on, let me explain it, this'll be good

So here's the idea. What if a waiter was writing orders on their hands? Instead of in a notebook? I know, it's a pretty funny idea, but it doesn't quite work. The readers will just be asking themselves why he's doing that. Got to justify it somehow. OK, let's say he forgot his notepad.

Oh, actually he'd probably just remember the orders. Waiters do that all the time anyway.

OK, well let's say that he's taking so many orders that he can't remember them all.

Wait, why wouldn't he just go get his notepad then? Fuck it, who cares? I can basically write whatever I want and ignore all feedback and somehow still get paid to do this.


The preceding sentences are an accurate portrayal of the process by which Steve Kelley writes Dustin.

Dustin, 2013-11-08.

Terrible coffee

Pluggers, 2013-11-08.

Wait, what? You made coffee yesterday, you didn't finish it all, so you just left it sitting around till the next day when you wanted coffee, and instead of just making some more you took the little bit that was left and mixed it in with some fresh coffee? You're not even saving any time since you don't have enough left to just drink the day-old coffee, you've got to make more anyway. Elmer Fregien of Hurst, Texas, you're a weirdo. Just make yourself some fresh coffee when you want some.

Momma

Momma, 2013-10-31.

Firstly I'd just like the acknowledge that Francis is totally justified here. You can't say he's never had a job, he's had lots. That out of the way, the thing I really like about this strip is the fact that Sonja has just brought her friend into her son's bedroom to deride him.

And the whole thing seems planned. Scripted. The friend has to be in on it. But why? What are they getting out of this? It's well established that Francis feels no shame, so this can hardly be for his benefit. But who else could it be for? Neither Sonja nor her friend seem to be getting anything from it. In the last panel it's like they're waiting for something from Francis. What is he supposed to do? What do they ant from him?

Wrinkle-proof ties

Henry is in a shop admiring a display of ties. Above them is a sign proclaiming them to be "wrinkle-proof". Seeing that the sales assistant's back is turned, Henry attempts to test the claim, but the man sees him reaching across the counter and turns to glare at him. Henry walks shame-facedly from the shop.

Henry, 2013-10-31.

The Mitchells' neighbours are arseholes

Dennis the Menace, 2013-10-31.

I guess we're supposed to read this as a sort of poetic justice. Dennis the Menace, terror of the neighbourhood, is denied the treats given to the other, nicer children. There's just one little problem with that. Dennis is not actually a terror at all. Dennis is an absurdly pleasant child. No real child is as thoughtful and accommodating as he is. The title of the comic is entirely ironic at this point.

So what we have here is a comic in which a child is persecuted by his hateful neighbours and bears it with unnatural good grace. He's not even upset. He's just accepted that this is the way it is and if he wants to be treated the same as everyone else then he just has to hide who he is. Is this a metaphor for homophobia or something?

Terrifying costumes

"You're dressing up to hand out candy?" asks Ditto.
"Yeah, what do you think?" says Hi, showing off his cape and fangs.
"I wish you were scarier." says Ditto as Hi quickly removes his fangs and puts on a false moustache.
"Why?" asks Hi.
"If kids are afraid to come to our house we'll have lots of leftover candy!" says Ditto happily.
Neither of them mention Hi's rapid costume change.

Hi and Lois, 2013-10-31.

Snuggie of ennui

The Lockhorns, 2013-10-31.

What I love about this is what it implies about their lives. They've been invited, as a couple, to a costume party. They haven't discussed it with each other since receiving the invitation. Loretta went out and bought the stuff she needed for her costume, brought it home, and didn't mention it to Leroy. He didn't notice when she brought it home, he hasn't seen it in the house. Either that or he saw it and just didn't care. His wife bought a cowboy outfit and he saw it and wasn't even curious.

But it goes the other way too. She hasn't mentioned the party to him. She hasn't talked about her costume. She hasn't asked him about his costume. It hasn't come up in conversation even once.

Now it's the day of the party and she's getting ready, and finally he's remembered. Most people would just try to justify their ordinary clothes as somehow being a costume, but despite everything, Leroy still cares too much to do that, so he desperately searches the house and comes up with a Snuggie. And that's what he's wearing, because going without a costume would just be one step too far and everyone would know that he'd completely given up.

Bus of death!

"Very nice, Mary..." says Andy. "You've got your bus all decked out for Halloween."
Mary's bus has various themed cut-outs stuck to the windows, including a bat, a jack-o'-lantern, a witch and two ghosts.
"I heard that Ed decorated his bus for Halloween too." she says.
At that moment Ed's bus appears, the man himself waving and smiling from the driver's seat. It appears that he has gone to significantly more trouble than Mary though, as he has painted his bus entirely black with a large white skull-and-crossbones on the side. He will probably be reprimanded for this as the bus is not his property and he did not have the authority to make such changes. It's funny because Crankshaft is terrible and it's amusing when bad things happen to him.

Crankshaft, 2013-10-29.

Heathcliff

Heathcliff is playing table tennis with three ghosts.
"That cat is spooky." says one ghost to another.

Heathcliff, 2013-10-29.

Marvin

Marvin, 2013-10-29.

What do you mean "could"? He's already in the costume!

Brewster Hotdog: Lunch Guy!

"I can't decide on a costume." says Cliff.
"Better hurry!" says Lt. Snap. "The Halloween party is tonight!"
Just then Cpt. Rockit arrives wearing a hotdog costume.
"Hey, look!" says Snap. "Brewster's all ready!"
"Ready for what?" asks Rockit.
"The Halloween party tonight!" says Snap.
"Oh, right!" says Rockit. "I'd better go change into my costume!"

It's funny because they thought he was in a Hallowe'en costume, but actually it was a sex thing.

Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!, 2013-10-28.

Truly horrifying jack-o'-lanterns

Wizard of Id, 2013-10-28.

I've got to agree with Rodney on this one. And also wonder what the wizard means by "genetically modified" because wouldn't he just use magic to do that? That's kind of his thing.

The alternative is that he has somehow created some kind of plant-human hybrid that is genetically programmed to instinctively carve a face into itself after growing and being picked. That seems like a lot of unnecessary trouble. Much more effort, in fact, than just carving your own pumpkins.

Spider-Meggs

Ginger picks up a spider.
"Come on, Mr. Spider..." he says. "Bite me!"
The spider obliges.
"Yes!!" says Ginger. "I'm Spider-Man!"

Ginger is lying on a bed in a hospital.
"The anti-venom kicked in just in time, Mrs. Meggs." says a doctor. "He'll be fine."
Somehow, between being bitten and ending up in the hospital, Ginger has managed to acquire and put on a pair of Spider-Man socks.

Ginger Meggs, 2013-10-28.

Attempted murder in Hootin' Holler?

Snuffy Smith, 2013-10-28.

Of course, it may be that Elviney wasn't trying to kill her husband. Maybe she just didn't realise that forcing an old man to sleep in a freezing cold barn might be bad for his health.

On the other hand, why was he so cold? The cow was presumably there with him, and he had a blanket. Uncomfortable, sure, but out of the elements and sharing an enclosed space with animals whose body heat should keep the place relatively warm. Did he decide to just sleep outside instead? Maybe his condition is his own fault.

Tiny Pumpkins

A gaggle of small pumpkins with  legs and wicked grins are running about. Heathcliff hears the rumble of their approach before he sees them, but soon enough he spots them and flees in terror. No sooner has he escaped these horrors than he is assaulted from above by a squadron of small grinning pumpkins with wings and is forced to run again!

"What happened to all my tiny pumpkins?" wonders the pumpkin farmer.

Heathcliff, 2013-10-27.

Solemn Luxury

Ed Crankshaft stands on his verandah, sadly mournfully surveying his yard. He gets out his mobile phone and wordlessly dials a number.
"Luxury air taxi service..." says the voice on the other end of the line.

Crankshaft, 2013-10-21.

Amazing Sound Effects

The Amazing Spider-Man, 2013-10-22.

Look, I don't like to question the obvious genius of Stan Lee, but I'm just not convinced that ripping a metal grate out of a brick wall would sound anything like "thrripp". That strikes me more as the sort of sound that Velcro makes when you pull it apart. But then again, I've never pulled a metal grate out of a wall, so maybe it does sound like that.

Moose and Molly

"Jack will be able to date our neighbor's daughter if her father approves of him" says Molly.
"Father is anxious to meet you!" says the Millers' neighbour to Molly's Brother Jack.
The Millers' neighbour's father waits in a darkened room, standing next to a lounge chair at which two lamps have been pointed, making it the only well-lit spot in the room.

I'm confused. Why does Molly's Brother Jack need the approval of his girlfriend's grandfather?

Moose and Molly, 2013-10-21.

Six Chix

Mrs. Dracula is sitting at a desk in the middle of an otherwise empty room. On the desk is a computer and a cat. The computer is off and the cat is sleeping. Behind her, Dracula regards himself with dissatisfaction. It seems he is worried about his weight.
"Maybe you haven;t been getting enough estrogen." says Mrs. Dracula.

I guess drinking the blood of women is slimming, and you put on weight if you drink too much men's blood. If you're a vampire. I'm not sure why that should be.

Six Chix, 2013-10-21.

Mary Worth

Mary Worth, 2013-10-16.

Could this be the most awkward hug ever depicted? It's certainly a contender. Shelly is pressing her face against Mary's cheek in a really weird way, Mary's sort of just holding Shelly's shoulders rather than actually putting her arms around her, and I'm not sure what's going on with Shelly's arms at all. Is she even hugging Mary back, or are her arms just hanging limply out to the sides?

Also, Mary looks like she's desperately searching fo an exit in panel one.

Ginger Meggs

"Wow! A rainbow!" says Ginger, apparently unfazed by the fact that the rainbow appears to be solid, stationary and present on a dry, cloudless day.
"I wonder where it leads!" he exclaims as he rushes heedlessly across the bizarre phenomenon.
Arriving at the other end he finds himself at home where his mother is waiting.
"Oh, hello, Ginger." she says, equally undaunted by the mysterious rainbow. "While you're here, I have some chores for you!"

Ginger Meggs, 2013-10-16.

Blondie

Blondie, 2013-10-13.

Wow, Dagwood is really committed to this game. And he obviously made preparations beforehand, just in the hope that it'd come in useful.

Well, either that or there's some other reason that he happened to have a blonde wig, high-heeled shoes and women's clothing that all fit him perfectly.

He's also done an impressive job of altering his body shape to fit the disguise. And he's actually cooking something as well. He's really gone all out.

F-Minus

A long-haired man is having a mug-shot taken by the police. The police officer taking the photograph has set up an electric fan beside the man to blow his hair to the side. The man does not seem to appreciate this.
"Are you sure you don't want it?" asks the officer. "It's pretty dramatic."

F-Minus, 2013-10-15.

Funky Winkerbean

Based on the Funky Winkerbean strip published on 2013-10-13.

Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Man, 2013-10-12.

I love Astella's facial expressions in both panels here, but my god, look at El Condor's face in panel two! That's art.

F-Minus

"Since tattoos are frowned upon in the workplace, I got it in a spot I could easily conceal." says one man to another.
Contrary to expectations the man actually has a tattoo on his face but has specifically grown his hair in such a way that some hair hangs down over his right cheek, obscuring the tattoo, but making him look ridiculous in the process.

F-Minus, 2013-10-12.

Luann

Luann, 2013-10-12.

For those who haven't been keeping up with Luann (and why would you have?) Quill is Luann's long-distance boyfriend from Australia, and he's coming to America again soon, so he'll be staying with the Berger family, and evidently sharing a room with Gunther.

So Gunther's set up the room into two clearly delineated halves. Gunther's side with various things he likes or is interested in, and Quill's side which is Australian. Because that is the extent of Quill's personality. He's Australian. Also he's heterosexual.

And if there's one thing we Australians love, it's the first things that come to an American's mind when they hear the word "Australia". Kangaroos, koalas, the Sydney Opera House, a map of Australia, the Australian flag. That's about it, right? The entire nation distilled down to its core.

And where would you even get a kangaroo lamp? Who would buy that?

Also worth noting, like Chip Flagston, Gunther loves lava-lamps. But what 21st century teenager doesn't have one of those in their room?