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Ziggy is even weirder than you thought

Between Friends, 2015-02-16.

Oh no, some complete strangers you'll probably never see again may have heard you singing along to some music! What a calamity! How will you ever live it down? Oh wait, I know - by just carrying on with your life and forgetting about it like literally everyone else already has.

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Six Chix, 2015-02-17.

I can't even focus on the whole "the cows don't want the bull to go because he's good at sex" aspect of this, because what are those horrifying lumps on their backs? They remind me of the stumps left after Matt Damon's wings are cut off in Dogma.

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The Buckets, 2015-02-20.

You know, someday you and everyone who ever knew you or even heard your name will be dead and forgotten. Your existence is a mere speck of dust compared with the vastness of space and time. Bet you feel pretty foolish for caring about things now.

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Nancy, 2015-02-21.

What's that you say? Having a character repeat everything the person on the other end of the line says back to them for the sake of the audience is lazy and sounds terribly unnatural? Well, how would you have done it then? Oh, have the dialogue balloon come from the phone like most cartoonists do? Well, sure, I guess that works. Have a panel showing the other side of the phone call? Yeah, you could do it that way. Just phrase the dialogue in such a way as to make it obvious what the second person is saying? Well, now you're just talking crazy.

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Ziggy, 2015-02-22.

The implications of this are staggering. Ziggy is a comic in which every single person or animal its protagonist encounters is a condescending jerk to him and everything he does ends in dismal failure - and apparently that's all his own weird fantasy. He's playing a virtual-reality game of his own design in which all this happens. And while he plays it, he's not wearing any pants. Just let that sink in for a moment.

Weekend Workshop: Photobombing

Based on Nancy, 2014-08-10 (and some other Nancy strips).

It's certainly what Guy Gilchrist is thinking about.

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Based on Judge Parker, 2014-08-21.

Just because her eyes already looked kind of like that to begin with.

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Based on Mary Worth, 2014-08-22 (and another Mary Worth strip).

Wilbur was feeling left out.

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Based on Nancy, 2014-08-22.

It's certainly what Guy Gilchrist is thinking.

Weekend Workshop: Bluntness and Honesty

Based on Nancy, 2014-07-07.

Nancy is a bad comic, you see.

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Based on Rex Morgan, 2014-07-10.

June really could not care less.

Philosophical Friday: Anger, Disgust and Curiosity

Nancy, 2014-05-06.

WHAT? No. I covered this last week, Fritzi is at least ten years older than Phil, there is no way he can possibly be a year older than her. That does not work. I'm not talking about how the comic's actually been running since 1922 so they should actually be over 100 or anything crazy like that, just going by in-universe evidence presented within the last couple of years. You are blatantly contradicting yourself, Mr. Gilchrist, and I add this to the long, long list of reasons you are terrible at your job. This retconning of Fritzi and Phil would be bad enough even without the blatant inconsistencies.

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Turning now to something that horrifies me for completely different reasons, a post on the Something Awful forums recently mentioned the existence of a Kevin & Kell roleplaying game. For those not familiar with Kevin & Kell, consider yourself lucky. This part of the description for the RPG gives some idea of the horror.

A world somewhat like our own, where there are no humans and every animal under the sun is sentient, where predator and prey dance endlessly in a waltz of death, and where the love between a rabbit and a wolf may offer the world's last, best hope.

It's a light-hearted sit-com where people murder each other all the time and the only people who think there's anything wrong with that are considered to be terrorists. But it's OK because none of the main characters get murdered. Some of them do the murdering though. In fact, some of them work for a company that specialises in murder for those who can't be bothered killing their neighbours themselves. And this is just casually mixed in with the usual sort of jokes about tech support and relationships.

So I kind of really want to know what this game is like, but I'm glad it's out of stock, because otherwise I might be tempted to actually buy it, and I'm sure that that would not be a good use of my money.

Philosophical Friday: Aunt Fritzi the Cougar

Mandrake the Magician, 2014-05-01.

Several witnesses see him, including Mandrake apparently. Is that not Mandrake there at the bank?

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Nancy, 2014-04-29.

OK, so Free Fallin' came out in 1989. That means that Phil was born somewhere between 1970 and 1976. But remember that phone call he made to Fritzi when he first arrived back in Three Rocks? Of course you don't because you're not dangerously obsessed with terrible comics, but I do.

Nancy, 2012-11-27.

So Fritzi was presumably a teenager in 1978. I don't know what the age limits or requirements are for Miss Jr. Three Rocks (or what they may have been in 1978) but America's Junior Miss was for highschool seniors, which is what, 16-year-olds? I don't really know how highschool years work in America, But I think it's safe to assume that Fritzi was a teenager at the time and must have been born between 1959 and 1965 and is therefore about ten years older than Phil.

And if that isn't compelling enough for you, there's also this Sunday strip from 2012.

Nancy, 2012-09-30.

The Nutty Professor came out in 1963. If my assumptions about the Miss Jr. Three Rocks competition are right, Nancy must be four years old, and Fritzi must have been born in 1959 and now be around 55, while Phil is 44 at most. He could actually be considerably younger. This explains why he looks like a child and Fritzi looks like an adult.

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Agnes, 2014-04-24.

AAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrgh! What is that!? WHAT IS THAT!?

All of today's comics share a single punchline

Nancy, 2013-12-12.

Paying orphans sub-standard wages to scrub floors. Sure, that sounds like Christian charity to me. Or a return to 19th century labour practices. Either or.

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Heathcliff, like Batman, has a car designed to suit his theme — that theme being Heathcliff. Unlike Batman, Heathcliff uses his car to go to the shops to buy milk rather than to fight crime.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-12.

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"Oh, doctor." calls Flo. "Just the person. Can I ask your advice? I've got this terrible irritating pain and I'm not sure what to do"
"Where is the pain?" asks the Doctor, totally unaware that he's walking right into a real knee-slapper.
"He's at home" says Flo.

She means Andy, you see. She's not in pain, she's saying that Andy is a pain. That's the joke.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-12.

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I'm dog-sitting for my neighbors while they're out of town." says Fitch.
"Cool." says Dustin, patting the dog on the head.
"But Charlie has fleas. Yesterday I found one on my ankle."
Dustin immediately stops patting the dog.
"So go to the pet store and buy a flea collar." he says.
"I did that." says Fitch, "But it made my neck itch."

You'd expect him to have put the flea collar on the dog, but actually he tried it on himself. It's funny because it confounds our expectations.

Dustin, 2013-12-12.

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Based on the 1946-11-04 The Phantom strip. The last sentence of the first dialogue balloon serves as an alternate punchline for every one of the other comics featured today.

Nancy

"Yay!" says Nancy. "For Maria's birthday party we're going to 'Build-A-Bear'!"
"Or as we 'real' teddy bears call it... 'Doctor Franken-bear's laboratory'." thinks her teddy bear, making reference to that well-known novel Franken-human.

Nancy, 2013-08-31.

Pondering Nancy

Nancy, 2013-08-24.

What? No. That is wrong on several counts. Firstly, you don't turn into an angel when you go to heaven, angels are completely separate and distinct entities. You don't change from human to angel any more than you can change from human to shark. They're just different things.

Secondly, fish don't have souls and therefore don't go to heaven at all. So even if angels were dead people there would still be no fish-angels in heaven.

Thirdly, if fish had souls and angels were the souls of the dead, then dead fish would be fish-angels, not angelfish, because it's the last part of the name that is most important. An angelfish is a fish with angel-like properties, a fish-angel is an angel with fish-like properties. An angel that used to be an angelfish would be an angelfish-angel.

And finally, what the fuck is this? This isn't a joke, it's not even a funny observation, it's just saccharine bullshit.

Pondering Nancy

Nancy, 2013-08-17.

Is this Nancy or Family Circus?

Nancy

"Sleep tight." says Fritzi, kissing Phil and then leaving.
Phil stares mutely at the door, and in an apparent state of shock he sits on the bed, staring glassy-eyed ahead of him. Eventually he gets into bed and turns off the light, but continues staring.
"Yeah, like I'm going to be able to sleep tonight." he thinks

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