Shoe, 2014-05-05.
"Biz, are you wearing your dentures?..." asks Roz.
"No." says Biz.
"Well, let me get you something you can sink your tooth into."
Both of them are birds.
I know I just covered this with Pluggers yesterday, but come on, birds with teeth again?
Hägar the Horrible, 2014-05-06.
"Sir Knight !" call Hägar. "We haven't seen you in ages ! Come sneak up with us on an enemy castle!"
"I've been out of commission for so long I might be a liability!" answers Knight.
"He's right..." says Lucky Eddie, noticing that Knight's armour squeaks when he moves. "He might!"
Given that Knight is wearing full plate armour and a helmet that covers his face, how did Hägar know it was him? And is his name really Sir Knight? Also, he seems pretty cavalier about joining a group of Vikings to attack some castle.
Curtis, 2014-05-08.
"Number one, never take your lady for granted" says Greg.
Curtis listens wearily.
"Number one, give her little gifts for no reason..." continues Greg. "Number one, never have another woman's number saved on your phone..."
Curtis slumps forward.
"Number one, make her feel that without her, your life would be trash"
"We've been at this for two hours, dad!" complains Curtis. "When does this list end?"
"Hey, we're past the halfway mark!" says Greg, smugly.
On no account should you ever make the mistake of thinking of a woman as a human being like yourself. They're more like robots. You just have to know the rules and follow them to get what you want.
Ah, and one of those rules is that you can't have any female friends, apparently. Or colleagues you might need to phone. Not that that should be a problem, because why would you have female friends? As though a man could ever have any reason to associate with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with. Absurd. And as for the work colleague thing, why would you need to phone your secretary? And if you do, just call your own office and she'll answer.
Marvin & Family, 2014-05-08.
"Where are you going, Jeff?" asks Jenny.
"It's a little too close to Mother's Day to answer that question" says Jeff, leaving the house.
"You told Jenny you're Mother's Day shopping?" asks Ted later at the pub.
"I never actually said that" smirks Jeff.
Hey, he might have deliberately deceived her by making a misleading statement, but there's no way anyone could equate that with lying, right? Besides, how is a man supposed to get some time to spend with his friends if he doesn't lie to his nagging wife, right guys?
Wizard of Id, 2014-05-08.
A prisoner hangs by his wrists in the castle dungeon.
"I'll not talk without my lawyer present" he says.
In the second panel a man in a top hat is hanging next to him.
"Thanks a heap, friend!" says the new arrival.
The implication is that the second man is the first man's lawyer, and so he has been arrested as a deliberate misinterpretation of the prisoner's demand.
Showing posts with label Wizard of Id. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wizard of Id. Show all posts
2014-04-03
Sitcom Thursday: Gluttony and Failure
Wizard of Id, 2014-03-31.
The wizard and his wife, Blanch, are enjoying a drink together in a restaurant when a nearby man winks suggestively at Blanch.
"That man just insulted me!" she says.
The wizard stands up, walks over to the man and slaps him in the face. The text "-175 hp" appears above the man's head in large, black type.
"What the heck was that?" he asks, apparently more confused than injured.
"The wizard's version of a whoopin'" says the wizard with a grin.
I must confess, I don't understand this strip. The HP loss is obviously a video game reference, but how is it a wizardly thing? And the guy didn't actually seem to be hurt, so a wizard's version of "a whoopin'" is apparently a light slap and some nonsensical numbers? What?
Beetle Bailey, 2014-04-02.
Gen. Halftrack and Sheila Buxley are looking at a large line graph labelled "Camp Swampy's Progress Chart". The horizontal axis is labelled with the years from 2005 to 2014. The line representing the camp's progress zigzags up and downbut remains around the same level, with the exception of one notable dip toward the end of 2005 and a rise around the end of 2011.
"I dunno," says the general glumly, "we just don't seem to be making any progress"
"But you always said 2011 was your banner year" says Sheila.
What is camp Swampy supposed to be progressing toward anyway?
Baldo, 2014-04-03.
Cruz is sitting at a table eating a hamburger. Beside him sits Rayna's telepresence robot. Another hamburger sits in front of the robot. As Cruz finishes his burger hea reaches over and takes Rayna's tray, placing it on top of his own, then begins to eat her burger as well.
"You're the best lunch partner ever!" he says.
I really don't think this would work. I'm assuming that each student gets a free burger (because if they're paying for them then there wouldn't be any advantage to this scheme, he could just buy two burgers for himself) but I doubt the staff would be swayed by the argument that Rayna should be provided with a lunch that she can't possibly eat, given that she isn't physically present.
It's also kind of weird that Rayna has no dialogue in this strip. Her face doesn't even seem to move.
The wizard and his wife, Blanch, are enjoying a drink together in a restaurant when a nearby man winks suggestively at Blanch.
"That man just insulted me!" she says.
The wizard stands up, walks over to the man and slaps him in the face. The text "-175 hp" appears above the man's head in large, black type.
"What the heck was that?" he asks, apparently more confused than injured.
"The wizard's version of a whoopin'" says the wizard with a grin.
I must confess, I don't understand this strip. The HP loss is obviously a video game reference, but how is it a wizardly thing? And the guy didn't actually seem to be hurt, so a wizard's version of "a whoopin'" is apparently a light slap and some nonsensical numbers? What?
Beetle Bailey, 2014-04-02.
Gen. Halftrack and Sheila Buxley are looking at a large line graph labelled "Camp Swampy's Progress Chart". The horizontal axis is labelled with the years from 2005 to 2014. The line representing the camp's progress zigzags up and downbut remains around the same level, with the exception of one notable dip toward the end of 2005 and a rise around the end of 2011.
"I dunno," says the general glumly, "we just don't seem to be making any progress"
"But you always said 2011 was your banner year" says Sheila.
What is camp Swampy supposed to be progressing toward anyway?
Baldo, 2014-04-03.
Cruz is sitting at a table eating a hamburger. Beside him sits Rayna's telepresence robot. Another hamburger sits in front of the robot. As Cruz finishes his burger hea reaches over and takes Rayna's tray, placing it on top of his own, then begins to eat her burger as well.
"You're the best lunch partner ever!" he says.
I really don't think this would work. I'm assuming that each student gets a free burger (because if they're paying for them then there wouldn't be any advantage to this scheme, he could just buy two burgers for himself) but I doubt the staff would be swayed by the argument that Rayna should be provided with a lunch that she can't possibly eat, given that she isn't physically present.
It's also kind of weird that Rayna has no dialogue in this strip. Her face doesn't even seem to move.
2013-12-20
Huge, massive uninteresting developments
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| Wizard of Id, 2013-12-18. |
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| Fred Basset, 2013-12-18 |
2013-12-18
Small mercies
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| Wizard of Id, 2013-12-16. |
Mother Goose and Grimm are at a restaurant.
"Red or white with your entrée?" asks the waiter, holding up a bottle of red wine in one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other.
"White" says Mother Goose, holding up a martini glass and smirking. "... with olives".
The waiter is dismayed. It seems that this establishment has only two varieties of wine and no other drink options. Grimm smirks nastily, enjoying the waiter's discomfort.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-12-16.
2013-11-01
Truly horrifying jack-o'-lanterns
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| Wizard of Id, 2013-10-28. |
The alternative is that he has somehow created some kind of plant-human hybrid that is genetically programmed to instinctively carve a face into itself after growing and being picked. That seems like a lot of unnecessary trouble. Much more effort, in fact, than just carving your own pumpkins.
2013-09-14
Wizard of Id
"I hear the Huns are sending a man to the moon" says Rodney.
The Huns were a nomadic people who existed in the fourth and fifth centuries CE. Rodney is a medieval knight, probably from somewhere between the 12th and 15th centuries. Manned space flight first became possible around the middle of the 20th century. Hold up though, I bet all these anachronisms are going to lead somewhere. There's already a lot happening here and I can feel that this joke is going to have a pretty impressive pay-off.
"I want our space program cranked up immediately!" says the king.
There's never been any mention before of an Idiot space program, but presumably it's been happening quietly in the background.
Panel three takes us to a field. A man holding a purple flag with "ID" written on it is in a cannon.
"You want me to plant this where?" he asks.
"Just focus on your tuck and roll upon landing" says Rodney.
The first known cannon-like weapon was developed in China in the 12th century, but it was not in use in Europe until the 13th. This fits quite well with Rodney's time-line, except for the small detail of the nature of the projectile. The "human cannonball" did not appear until the 19th century.
And that's the joke.
Wizard of Id, 2013-09-12.
The Huns were a nomadic people who existed in the fourth and fifth centuries CE. Rodney is a medieval knight, probably from somewhere between the 12th and 15th centuries. Manned space flight first became possible around the middle of the 20th century. Hold up though, I bet all these anachronisms are going to lead somewhere. There's already a lot happening here and I can feel that this joke is going to have a pretty impressive pay-off.
"I want our space program cranked up immediately!" says the king.
There's never been any mention before of an Idiot space program, but presumably it's been happening quietly in the background.
Panel three takes us to a field. A man holding a purple flag with "ID" written on it is in a cannon.
"You want me to plant this where?" he asks.
"Just focus on your tuck and roll upon landing" says Rodney.
The first known cannon-like weapon was developed in China in the 12th century, but it was not in use in Europe until the 13th. This fits quite well with Rodney's time-line, except for the small detail of the nature of the projectile. The "human cannonball" did not appear until the 19th century.
And that's the joke.
Wizard of Id, 2013-09-12.
2013-06-12
Pondering Wizard of Id
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| Wizard of Id, 2103-05-27. |
But that's not the weirdest thing about this strip. Of all the characters to do a tribute to fallen soldiers, why the king? He's a cruel, selfish tyrant. This message would make more sense coming from any other character. Any at all. Rodney, the wizard, even Bung, it doesn't matter, just not the king.
2013-04-30
Pondering Wizard of Id
So, computers don't exist in Wizard of Id then? As I've previously discussed, Wizard of Id definitely takes place in roughly the modern day, but in an alternate reality where technology has regressed to pre-industrial levels (at least in the kingdom of Id), and this strip suggests that it has almost certainly regressed in the rest of the world as well, otherwise the citizens of Id (at least the wealthy and privileged ones) would know about modern technology.
Magic appears to work in the comic, but perhaps the wizards and psychics really just have access to forgotten technology. This fortune-teller knows about computers because she uses them, but to Bung they're completely unknown.
But the big question is, if the wizard remembers the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, what year is this comic set in and how did the world fall into such a state within his lifetime?
2013-04-23
2012-12-12
Pondering Wizard of Id
Also interesting is that the 21st century Huns have a capital city at all. In reality, they were nomads. This change is not surprising if they managed to last this long though.
All this does raise another question though. If this comic is set in an alternate version of the present day, what happened to reduce the level of technology so drastically? Is it just Id and surrounding nations or has the whole world plunged into some kind of horrible dark age?
I want to hear that story. Leave behind the tedious jokes about politicians being terrible and... whatever this one is, Jeff, tell us how the world came to be this way!
2012-11-04
Wizard of Id
"Oh, man," says Bung to the bartender, "last night's Halloween party was brutal... just give me a water."
"Ugh..." says a child, "water for me, too..."
"Wait, kid!" says Bung. "You didn't..."
"I must have had twenty Kit Kats" says the child.
Meanwhile, the bartender has served them each a glass of some suspicious yellow liquid in which ice does not float.
Comic
"Ugh..." says a child, "water for me, too..."
"Wait, kid!" says Bung. "You didn't..."
"I must have had twenty Kit Kats" says the child.
Meanwhile, the bartender has served them each a glass of some suspicious yellow liquid in which ice does not float.
Comic
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