Ballard Street, 2014-09-15.
A group of five men are walking together down the footpath. Each of them wears a headset connected to a little box at his hip and each box is connected to the others. It's the Ballard Street Walking & Talking Club.
F-Minus, 2014-09-15.
A man and a woman are sitting on their couch, inside their house. The front door is open. The man is holding a length of blue cable that trails away outside the house.
"You're really missing the point of the leash law." says the woman.
The implication is that there is a dog attached to the other end of the blue cable and the man is obeying the letter of the law by having his dog on a lead, while in reality letting it wander about the neighbourhood unsupervised and at will. Perhaps he is missing the point, or perhaps this is an act of wilful disobedience, a protest against a law he sees as unwarranted.
Or perhaps there is no dog, the man is simply holding a blue cable which bears no relevance to the conversation he is having, in which he has demonstrated a lack of understanding with regard to leash laws and their purpose.
Who can say?
Heathcliff, 2014-09-15.
Heathcliff and Sonja are floating in the air, suspended by bright pink balloons attached to their faces. A man and a woman stand on the ground watching them pass. The two are long since used to Heathcliff and his high jinks, and are not shocked at the spectacle. But it does cause the woman to reminisce.
"You never buy me gum anymore." she says.
Family Circus, 2014-09-15.
"You never know what's going to happen." says Thel, presumably in response to some dumb thing Jeffy just said.
"Yeah, nobody ever tells me anything either." says Jeffy, assuming that everyone lives in the state of perpetual ignorance in which he lives his life.
Showing posts with label One-Panel Wednesday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label One-Panel Wednesday. Show all posts
2014-09-19
2014-09-03
One-Panel Wednesday: You've got to admire his style
Heathcliff, 2014-09-01.
Heathcliff is piloting a small boat behind which half a dozen cats are water-skiing in a pyramid formation. Each cat (including Heathcliff) is carrying a fish. Sonja is on top of the pyramid. As they go by the fish market, two fishmongers come out to watch.
"You've got to admire his style." says one to the other.
Heathcliff is piloting a small boat behind which half a dozen cats are water-skiing in a pyramid formation. Each cat (including Heathcliff) is carrying a fish. Sonja is on top of the pyramid. As they go by the fish market, two fishmongers come out to watch.
"You've got to admire his style." says one to the other.
2014-08-27
One-Panel Wednesday: Incorrectly sized bodies
Bizarro, 2014-08-22.
A man in a hooded windcheater is walking down the street carrying two bags marked with dollar signs when he is accosted by a large woman wearing a costume modelled on the classic Superman look.
"You're Superwoman?" he asks.
"Fashion models don't fight crime, Mary." she replies.
Kryptonians have super powers though. They don't need to look big and tough because they have super powers. And why does she assume that he's referring to her appearance? Her face is clearly visible, he may just recognise her. And why does she call him Mary? That seems like a fairly sexist way for Superwoman to insult someone. I don't like this comic.
Family Circus, 2014-08-22.
Thel, Billy, Dolly and Jeffy are sitting at the table waiting to eat. PJ begins to climb onto Bil's chair, but Dolly leaps to her feet and points accusingly at him.
"That's not your seat, PJ! Your head's not big enough to sit there."
This would have seemed weird enough by itself, because no one has ever thought that any of the Keane children's heads weren't big enough, but this is the second time in a month that PJ has been told that his head is too small.
Ziggy, 2014-08-27.
Ziggy looks into his bathroom mirror only to see a giant, grinning rabbit standing directly behind him, a rabbit that is only visible in the mirror.
"...uh..." he says, shaking with fear. "...er..."
A man in a hooded windcheater is walking down the street carrying two bags marked with dollar signs when he is accosted by a large woman wearing a costume modelled on the classic Superman look.
"You're Superwoman?" he asks.
"Fashion models don't fight crime, Mary." she replies.
Kryptonians have super powers though. They don't need to look big and tough because they have super powers. And why does she assume that he's referring to her appearance? Her face is clearly visible, he may just recognise her. And why does she call him Mary? That seems like a fairly sexist way for Superwoman to insult someone. I don't like this comic.
Family Circus, 2014-08-22.
Thel, Billy, Dolly and Jeffy are sitting at the table waiting to eat. PJ begins to climb onto Bil's chair, but Dolly leaps to her feet and points accusingly at him.
"That's not your seat, PJ! Your head's not big enough to sit there."
This would have seemed weird enough by itself, because no one has ever thought that any of the Keane children's heads weren't big enough, but this is the second time in a month that PJ has been told that his head is too small.
Ziggy, 2014-08-27.
Ziggy looks into his bathroom mirror only to see a giant, grinning rabbit standing directly behind him, a rabbit that is only visible in the mirror.
"...uh..." he says, shaking with fear. "...er..."
2014-08-20
One-Panel Wednesday: All hail Heathcliff, for he is our new god-king.
Dennis the Menace, 2014-08-08.
"I was supposed to sit here for 15 minutes, but I think I've gone into overtime." says Dennis glumly.
A very large, creepy-looking cat smirks at him.
Family Circus, 2014-08-08.
"I want you to know that you can be arrested for wearing socks with sandals." says Dolly, pointing at Jeffy's feet.
Jeffy looks suitably chagrined.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-12.
Heathcliff and two other cats are on a stage wearing egg cotumes and playing musical instruments. A crowd of other cats watch them in silence. The drum kit bears the name "Dumpty". Three humans observe from a nearby window.
"His new band." says one.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-19.
Heathcliff is seated on a throne between two flaming torches. Behind him looms a massive cat's head idol. One mouse beats a drum as another approaches with a cocktail on a tray.
"Just another Tuesday night." remarks one owl to another.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-20.
Heathcliff flies over the neighbourhood in a helicopter made in his image.
"It's garbage night somewhere." remarks one man to another.
"I was supposed to sit here for 15 minutes, but I think I've gone into overtime." says Dennis glumly.
A very large, creepy-looking cat smirks at him.
Family Circus, 2014-08-08.
"I want you to know that you can be arrested for wearing socks with sandals." says Dolly, pointing at Jeffy's feet.
Jeffy looks suitably chagrined.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-12.
Heathcliff and two other cats are on a stage wearing egg cotumes and playing musical instruments. A crowd of other cats watch them in silence. The drum kit bears the name "Dumpty". Three humans observe from a nearby window.
"His new band." says one.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-19.
Heathcliff is seated on a throne between two flaming torches. Behind him looms a massive cat's head idol. One mouse beats a drum as another approaches with a cocktail on a tray.
"Just another Tuesday night." remarks one owl to another.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-20.
Heathcliff flies over the neighbourhood in a helicopter made in his image.
"It's garbage night somewhere." remarks one man to another.
2014-07-30
One-Panel Wednesday: Grand Theft Chef
Family Circus, 2014-07-10.
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
2014-07-10
One-Panel Wednesday: Misunderstood
Dennis the Menace, 2014-07-03.
Dennis and Gina are sitting together on a log.
"I always try to do what's right," says Dennis, "but I usually end up getting mixed results."
Gina looks incredibly bored.
Dennis the Flawed-But-Well-Intentioned just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-07-07.
Margaret is selling lemonade for 50¢. Dennis and Joey are attempted to buy some. Also they're wearing cowboy outfits, Dennis's noticeably better and presumably more expensive than Joey's.
"I'm a 'barista' not a bartender!" says Margaret.
Margaret, you're not either of those things. Kids are idiots.
Ballard Street, 2014-07-08.
Three men stand on a grassed area using saws and saw-horses to cut some planks. One of them is doing it wrong.
Chuck's sawing club meets every Tuesday.
Oh those wacky Ballard Street people with their strange hobbies!
Dennis and Gina are sitting together on a log.
"I always try to do what's right," says Dennis, "but I usually end up getting mixed results."
Gina looks incredibly bored.
Dennis the Flawed-But-Well-Intentioned just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-07-07.
Margaret is selling lemonade for 50¢. Dennis and Joey are attempted to buy some. Also they're wearing cowboy outfits, Dennis's noticeably better and presumably more expensive than Joey's.
"I'm a 'barista' not a bartender!" says Margaret.
Margaret, you're not either of those things. Kids are idiots.
Ballard Street, 2014-07-08.
Three men stand on a grassed area using saws and saw-horses to cut some planks. One of them is doing it wrong.
Chuck's sawing club meets every Tuesday.
Oh those wacky Ballard Street people with their strange hobbies!
2014-07-02
One-Panel Wednesday: Death, disease and tragedy. But funny.
Heathcliff, 2014-06-19.
Heathcliff leaves a hat shop, wearing a Mickey Mouse ears hat which he has presumably just purchased.
"The exterminator." says one of the hat shop staff members to the other.
I guess he's dressing as a mouse to kill mice? I don't get it.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-06-30.
A man is seeing a psychiatrist.
"A lot of people are not what we call 'morning people' and there are a lot of hidden reasons for that." says the psychiatrist. "However, in your case I'm guessing that 'getting up on the wrong side of the driveway' might be a hint."
It's funny because he's an alcoholic. He has a serious problem that's negatively affecting his life and health. Hilarious. Also, that is a lot of words for such a weak joke.
Family Circus, 2014-07-01.
PJ is eating a rapidly melting ice-cream. Dolly has just finished hers.
"You gotta remember, PJ," says Dolly, "the hotter the day, the faster you need to eat it."
PJ looks up at her sadly.
Heathcliff leaves a hat shop, wearing a Mickey Mouse ears hat which he has presumably just purchased.
"The exterminator." says one of the hat shop staff members to the other.
I guess he's dressing as a mouse to kill mice? I don't get it.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-06-30.
A man is seeing a psychiatrist.
"A lot of people are not what we call 'morning people' and there are a lot of hidden reasons for that." says the psychiatrist. "However, in your case I'm guessing that 'getting up on the wrong side of the driveway' might be a hint."
It's funny because he's an alcoholic. He has a serious problem that's negatively affecting his life and health. Hilarious. Also, that is a lot of words for such a weak joke.
Family Circus, 2014-07-01.
PJ is eating a rapidly melting ice-cream. Dolly has just finished hers.
"You gotta remember, PJ," says Dolly, "the hotter the day, the faster you need to eat it."
PJ looks up at her sadly.
2014-06-18
One-Panel Wednesday: Cats and Hedehogs
Heathcliff, 2014-06-12.
Heathcliff, pursued by two police officers, waves to Sonja as he passes her house.
"He always makes time to see you." says Sonja's owner.
Kliban's Cats, 2014-06-12.
A woman sits for a painter, holding a cat on her lap. As the painter paints her, the cat sitting on his lap works on the part of the painting featuring the woman's cat.
Bizarro, 2014-06-16.
A woman looks out the front windows of her house. In a row alongside the path to the doorway a line of hedgehogs have been partially buried, forming a decorative border. Two of them have managed to escape and are walking away.
"Chet," says the woman in alarm, "I don't think you buried the hedgehogs deep enough."
Dennis the Menace, 2014-0616.
Alice and Dennis are in a shop. The woman behind the counter is glaring at Alice. Alice is glaring at Dennis.
"But how can I watch my language?" asks Dennis. "It's invisible!"
What did he say? And why is the woman behind the counter so angry about it? The far more interesting part of this story apparently happened off-screen, just before the bit we actually get to see.
Heathcliff, pursued by two police officers, waves to Sonja as he passes her house.
"He always makes time to see you." says Sonja's owner.
Kliban's Cats, 2014-06-12.
A woman sits for a painter, holding a cat on her lap. As the painter paints her, the cat sitting on his lap works on the part of the painting featuring the woman's cat.
Bizarro, 2014-06-16.
A woman looks out the front windows of her house. In a row alongside the path to the doorway a line of hedgehogs have been partially buried, forming a decorative border. Two of them have managed to escape and are walking away.
"Chet," says the woman in alarm, "I don't think you buried the hedgehogs deep enough."
Dennis the Menace, 2014-0616.
Alice and Dennis are in a shop. The woman behind the counter is glaring at Alice. Alice is glaring at Dennis.
"But how can I watch my language?" asks Dennis. "It's invisible!"
What did he say? And why is the woman behind the counter so angry about it? The far more interesting part of this story apparently happened off-screen, just before the bit we actually get to see.
2014-06-12
One-Panel Wednesday: Mostly Menacing
Dennis the Menace, 2014-06-05.
Joey and Dennis observe a spider on a web.
"Now that's a web site." says Dennis.
No it isn't, Dennis. It's a web. I feel like this joke was written by someone who never stopped to think about the word "website" and where it came from. Because "web" and "net" are pretty apt descriptions of the way computers and sites are linked together, but Ketcham, Hamilton and Ferdinand just thought "Bah, those computer page things are call 'web sites', but what have they got to do with webs? Nothing!" and then they put their old man griping into the mouth of a five-year-old, because that's not incongruous at all.
Dennis the Menace, 2014-06-11.
"Grampa." says Dennis, sitting in his customary place in the corner of the room, facing the wall. "Your daughter was impossible today. You should make her sit in the corner."
Oliver appears to be giving the suggestion serious thought. Alice looks petulant.
Why do we never see what Dennis did to end up in the corner?
Joey and Dennis observe a spider on a web.
"Now that's a web site." says Dennis.
No it isn't, Dennis. It's a web. I feel like this joke was written by someone who never stopped to think about the word "website" and where it came from. Because "web" and "net" are pretty apt descriptions of the way computers and sites are linked together, but Ketcham, Hamilton and Ferdinand just thought "Bah, those computer page things are call 'web sites', but what have they got to do with webs? Nothing!" and then they put their old man griping into the mouth of a five-year-old, because that's not incongruous at all.
Dennis the Menace, 2014-06-11.
"Grampa." says Dennis, sitting in his customary place in the corner of the room, facing the wall. "Your daughter was impossible today. You should make her sit in the corner."
Oliver appears to be giving the suggestion serious thought. Alice looks petulant.
Why do we never see what Dennis did to end up in the corner?
2014-06-05
One-Panel Wednesday: Anger and Disgust
Beetle Bailey, 2014-05-30.
Pvt. Bailey is alone, in the middle of the desert when he is approached by Chip Flagston.
"Hey, jerk!" calls Chip.
"You talking to me?" asks Bailey.
I thought Chip liked Beetle.
Hazel, 2014-05-30.
George has built a scarecrow that looks like Hazel.
"If ANYTHING will keep the birds away..." he says happily.
Unseen behind him stands Hazel, glaring. Apparently she isn't taking it as a compliment.
Tina's Groove, 2014-05-30.
Tina is serving a middle-aged couple a large slice of cake.
"Here comes all that extra weight I lost..." says the woman. "Somehow it always finds me..."
She refers not to the cake but to a pink blob of human fat that is slithering across the floor of the restaurant toward her. No one seems to be reacting with the horror and disgust you'd expect. Tina looks a bit worried, but she always does.
Ziggy, 2014-06-04.
Ziggy is at the doctor's, with a thermometer in his mouth.
"Your test results are in..." says the doctor. "Are you trying to be funny?"
Obviously Ziggy is not, he is the punchline.
Pvt. Bailey is alone, in the middle of the desert when he is approached by Chip Flagston.
"Hey, jerk!" calls Chip.
"You talking to me?" asks Bailey.
I thought Chip liked Beetle.
Hazel, 2014-05-30.
George has built a scarecrow that looks like Hazel.
"If ANYTHING will keep the birds away..." he says happily.
Unseen behind him stands Hazel, glaring. Apparently she isn't taking it as a compliment.
Tina's Groove, 2014-05-30.
Tina is serving a middle-aged couple a large slice of cake.
"Here comes all that extra weight I lost..." says the woman. "Somehow it always finds me..."
She refers not to the cake but to a pink blob of human fat that is slithering across the floor of the restaurant toward her. No one seems to be reacting with the horror and disgust you'd expect. Tina looks a bit worried, but she always does.
Ziggy, 2014-06-04.
Ziggy is at the doctor's, with a thermometer in his mouth.
"Your test results are in..." says the doctor. "Are you trying to be funny?"
Obviously Ziggy is not, he is the punchline.
2014-05-28
One-Panel Wednesday: Sticky notes and sticky fingers
The Family Circus, 2014-05-16.
Billy has a piece of paper with "8+8=16" written on it.
"Guess what!" he says. "In another year I'll be halfway to driving your car!"
His father just looks at him blankly.
The joke here, of course, is that Billy will never have the mental capacity required to drive a car.
F-Minus, 2014-05-19.
A young man and an old woman cross paths in the street. As they do so, the man grabs the woman's bag and takes off with it. But something seems unusual about this scenario...
"Hey..." he says, "where's my wallet?"
It turns out that the woman has picked his pocket and is now in possession of his wallet.
Pluggers, 2014-05-22.
Earl applies yet another sticky note to a wall already covered in them.
A plugger always uses tape when using a sticky note.
Sticky notes are supposed to be temporary. They're not meant to stay up for year after year. If you want to store notes on a more permanent basis, there are better ways. Why do people do this?
Billy has a piece of paper with "8+8=16" written on it.
"Guess what!" he says. "In another year I'll be halfway to driving your car!"
His father just looks at him blankly.
The joke here, of course, is that Billy will never have the mental capacity required to drive a car.
F-Minus, 2014-05-19.
A young man and an old woman cross paths in the street. As they do so, the man grabs the woman's bag and takes off with it. But something seems unusual about this scenario...
"Hey..." he says, "where's my wallet?"
It turns out that the woman has picked his pocket and is now in possession of his wallet.
Pluggers, 2014-05-22.
Earl applies yet another sticky note to a wall already covered in them.
A plugger always uses tape when using a sticky note.
Sticky notes are supposed to be temporary. They're not meant to stay up for year after year. If you want to store notes on a more permanent basis, there are better ways. Why do people do this?
2014-05-14
One-Panel Wednesday: Dumb Jokes and Dumb Kids
Bizarro, 2014-05-12.
A man dressed as Robin Hood is at a doctor's looking at an eye-chart, but instead of letters or symbols it has apples on it.
"Granny Smith, Braeburn..." he says, "um... Red Delicious?"
William Tell's mandatory pre-employment physical
Look, I can sort of see where you're coming from with this, Piraro, but it doesn't work. The pieces don't really fit together properly. William Tell would need good eyesight to shoot an apple off his son's head, but that wasn't his job, and he didn't need to identify the type of apple. And why is he dressed as Robin Hood? You know that was a different guy, right?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-05-12.
"If our spaceship had room for a kitchen, you'd be my first cook in command." says Dennis nonsensically to the horrifying alien masquerading as his mother.
The Family Circus, 2014-05-13.
"Look at this little green apple that was growin' on our tomato plant." says Jeffy, holding an unripe tomato that he's just pulled off the plant.
Oh my god, how are you this dumb, Jeffy? How?
A man dressed as Robin Hood is at a doctor's looking at an eye-chart, but instead of letters or symbols it has apples on it.
"Granny Smith, Braeburn..." he says, "um... Red Delicious?"
William Tell's mandatory pre-employment physical
Look, I can sort of see where you're coming from with this, Piraro, but it doesn't work. The pieces don't really fit together properly. William Tell would need good eyesight to shoot an apple off his son's head, but that wasn't his job, and he didn't need to identify the type of apple. And why is he dressed as Robin Hood? You know that was a different guy, right?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-05-12.
"If our spaceship had room for a kitchen, you'd be my first cook in command." says Dennis nonsensically to the horrifying alien masquerading as his mother.
The Family Circus, 2014-05-13.
"Look at this little green apple that was growin' on our tomato plant." says Jeffy, holding an unripe tomato that he's just pulled off the plant.
Oh my god, how are you this dumb, Jeffy? How?
2014-05-07
One-Panel Wednesday: As rare as hen's teeth
The Lockhorns, 2014-05-05.
Leroy spots a sign in a window — "SIGN UP FOR OUR 10K CHALLENGE". He stops to consider it.
"Forget it, Leroy..." says Loretta, tiredly. "'K' is for kilometers, not 'kegs.'"
Ballard Street, 2014-05-05.
Roger is hanging by his hands from a clamp that he has affixed to a door-frame. At his feet a number of other clamps are scattered about. A dog is investigating them.
"Clamps are not a proper area of interest, Roger." says his wife.
Heathcliff, 2014-05-05.
Heathcliff and Garfield stand facing each other on an empty street.
"ShIt just got real." says one bird to another.
Pluggers, 2014-05-05.
Henrietta Beak is sitting in her car.
"Uh oh." she says, looking at the calendar she keeps on the dash. "I forgot I have a dentist appointment Friday. I better start flossing tonight."
A plugger continues to put a stick-on calendar she got from her bank onto her car's dashboard, even though she has three calendars on her cellphone.
Henrietta Beak is a chicken. She doesn't have teeth. Why is she going to a dentist? She is a chicken!
Leroy spots a sign in a window — "SIGN UP FOR OUR 10K CHALLENGE". He stops to consider it.
"Forget it, Leroy..." says Loretta, tiredly. "'K' is for kilometers, not 'kegs.'"
Ballard Street, 2014-05-05.
Roger is hanging by his hands from a clamp that he has affixed to a door-frame. At his feet a number of other clamps are scattered about. A dog is investigating them.
"Clamps are not a proper area of interest, Roger." says his wife.
Heathcliff, 2014-05-05.
Heathcliff and Garfield stand facing each other on an empty street.
"
Pluggers, 2014-05-05.
Henrietta Beak is sitting in her car.
"Uh oh." she says, looking at the calendar she keeps on the dash. "I forgot I have a dentist appointment Friday. I better start flossing tonight."
A plugger continues to put a stick-on calendar she got from her bank onto her car's dashboard, even though she has three calendars on her cellphone.
Henrietta Beak is a chicken. She doesn't have teeth. Why is she going to a dentist? She is a chicken!
2014-04-30
One-Panel Wednesday: People sure do hate their spouse's mother, right?
The Better Half, 2014-04-24.
"First they told me 2 + 2 + 4." says Stanley. "The they told me 3 + 1 + 4. After that, I lost all faith in our education system." And if he went through school and failed to learn to count then that would be a pretty harsh indictment of at least the school he went to.
Kliban, 2014-04-28.
An igloo is on fire. Several Eskimos form a line and pass blocks of ice forward to throw on the fire.
Snow job.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-29.
Loretta's mother proudly shows off a trophy.
"Tennis?" says Leroy. "I thought it was for quidditch."
He's implying that Loretta's mother is a witch. You see, quidditch is the fictional game played by the wizards and witches in the Harry Potter series, so if she had won a quidditch trophy then she must be a witch. Leroy doesn't like his mother-in-law. That's the joke.
Heathcliff, 2014-04-29.
Heathcliff is spray-painting the word "POOP" onto a wall as a crowd of children watch and cheer.
"His graffiti is kid-friendly." remarks a police officer, making no attempt to stop the vandalism or apprehend the perpetrator.
"First they told me 2 + 2 + 4." says Stanley. "The they told me 3 + 1 + 4. After that, I lost all faith in our education system." And if he went through school and failed to learn to count then that would be a pretty harsh indictment of at least the school he went to.
Kliban, 2014-04-28.
An igloo is on fire. Several Eskimos form a line and pass blocks of ice forward to throw on the fire.
Snow job.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-29.
Loretta's mother proudly shows off a trophy.
"Tennis?" says Leroy. "I thought it was for quidditch."
He's implying that Loretta's mother is a witch. You see, quidditch is the fictional game played by the wizards and witches in the Harry Potter series, so if she had won a quidditch trophy then she must be a witch. Leroy doesn't like his mother-in-law. That's the joke.
Heathcliff, 2014-04-29.
Heathcliff is spray-painting the word "POOP" onto a wall as a crowd of children watch and cheer.
"His graffiti is kid-friendly." remarks a police officer, making no attempt to stop the vandalism or apprehend the perpetrator.
2014-04-23
One-Panel Wednesday: Menace-Off
I've noticed recently that not only is Dennis the Menace decidedly un-menacing, but the kids from The Family Circus may actually have the edge on him, and when you're being out-menaced by the Keanes, you've really lost all claim to the title. So I thought I'd do a quick comparison of the last week's panels.
Thursday, 2014-04-17.
Dennis the Menace.
"Eatin' your cookies and changin' channels is the only exercise Mr. Wilson gets." says Dennis to Mrs. Wilson. Mr Wilson steadfastly ignores him and continues channel-surfing.
Family Circus.
The tablecloth has a large chunk cut out of it and a pair of scissors lie on the floor nearby.
"Maybe this'll just be one of those things we'll look back on and laugh." squawks Billy as Thel drags him out of the room.
OK, Billy has this one in the bag, hands down. Deliberately damaging the tablecloth for no apparent reason is far more menacing than just making a mildly inappropriate comment about Mr. Wilson's health.
Friday, 2014-04-18.
Dennis the Menace.
"What am I doin' wrong, dad?" asks Dennis, trying unsuccessfully to kick a football. "My punts look more like bunts."
Henry observes contemplatively.
Family Circus.
"I sure am glad PJ is still the size of my hug." says Dolly.
Let's call this one a draw. There's no menace in either one.
Saturday, 2014-04-19.
Dennis the Menace.
Alice points accusingly at an empty bowl.
"I didn't throw the carrots away, mom." says Dennis. "I put them outside for the Easter Bunny."
Family Circus.
Water covers the bathroom floor. A dispirited Bil stands over the toilet with plunger in hand.
"If it's easier, you could just buy me ANOTHER little ball to play with." says Jeffy.
OK, Dennis is clearly supposed to have made up an excuse for not eating his carrots, but it's a very cute excuse, so that really mitigates it a lot. And even if it didn't, we once again have a Keane child doing some actual damage for no apparent reason, so it has to go to the Keanes again.
Monday, 2014-04-21.
Dennis the Menace.
Henry steps out of the car, which he has just reversed into a signpost. Dennis is in the back seat.
"It's gonna be hard to blame this one on the post." says Dennis.
Family Circus.
Dolly and Jeffy examine their Easter eggs.
"The East Bunny must have a lot of chickens workin' for him." says Dolly.
I'm almost tempted to give this one to the Keanes as well, just for how well Dennis is reacting to the car crash, and because Jeffy looks slightly disappointed in his egg, but let's just call it a draw again.
Tuesday, 2014-04-22.
Dennis the Menace.
"If anyone knows who threw this eraser, raise your hand." says the teacher.
All the students raise their hands except for Dennis, who tries to act casual.
Family Circus.
"The wastebasket is full." says Jeffy. "Should I empty it or just get a new one?"
Well, Dennis is the clear winner this time. Jeffy's just an idiot.
Wednesday, 2014-04-23.
Dennis the Menace.
"Umm..." sighs Dennis, smelling Mrs. Wilson's freshly-baked biscuits. "Now this is how a kitchen should smell."
Family Circus.
Billy is doing his homework. Thel is watching.
"It's no fair." says Billy. "There's way more history to learn now than there was when you and daddy were kids."
Billy's implying that his parents are old, but presumably not on purpose. Dennis, on the other hand, is clearly paying Mrs. Wilson a compliment, but possibly just because he wants some biscuits. There's very little chance of her not giving them to him anyway though so it's fairly irrelevant. I'm just going to call this one a draw as well.
And so the final scores are two to one. Neither is particularly menacing, but the Family Circus kids aren't supposed to be, so there's no shame there. And they still managed to beat Dennis. I'd say it's definitely time to remove "the menace" from the title.
Thursday, 2014-04-17.
Dennis the Menace.
"Eatin' your cookies and changin' channels is the only exercise Mr. Wilson gets." says Dennis to Mrs. Wilson. Mr Wilson steadfastly ignores him and continues channel-surfing.
Family Circus.
The tablecloth has a large chunk cut out of it and a pair of scissors lie on the floor nearby.
"Maybe this'll just be one of those things we'll look back on and laugh." squawks Billy as Thel drags him out of the room.
OK, Billy has this one in the bag, hands down. Deliberately damaging the tablecloth for no apparent reason is far more menacing than just making a mildly inappropriate comment about Mr. Wilson's health.
Friday, 2014-04-18.
Dennis the Menace.
"What am I doin' wrong, dad?" asks Dennis, trying unsuccessfully to kick a football. "My punts look more like bunts."
Henry observes contemplatively.
Family Circus.
"I sure am glad PJ is still the size of my hug." says Dolly.
Let's call this one a draw. There's no menace in either one.
Saturday, 2014-04-19.
Dennis the Menace.
Alice points accusingly at an empty bowl.
"I didn't throw the carrots away, mom." says Dennis. "I put them outside for the Easter Bunny."
Family Circus.
Water covers the bathroom floor. A dispirited Bil stands over the toilet with plunger in hand.
"If it's easier, you could just buy me ANOTHER little ball to play with." says Jeffy.
OK, Dennis is clearly supposed to have made up an excuse for not eating his carrots, but it's a very cute excuse, so that really mitigates it a lot. And even if it didn't, we once again have a Keane child doing some actual damage for no apparent reason, so it has to go to the Keanes again.
Monday, 2014-04-21.
Dennis the Menace.
Henry steps out of the car, which he has just reversed into a signpost. Dennis is in the back seat.
"It's gonna be hard to blame this one on the post." says Dennis.
Family Circus.
Dolly and Jeffy examine their Easter eggs.
"The East Bunny must have a lot of chickens workin' for him." says Dolly.
I'm almost tempted to give this one to the Keanes as well, just for how well Dennis is reacting to the car crash, and because Jeffy looks slightly disappointed in his egg, but let's just call it a draw again.
Tuesday, 2014-04-22.
Dennis the Menace.
"If anyone knows who threw this eraser, raise your hand." says the teacher.
All the students raise their hands except for Dennis, who tries to act casual.
Family Circus.
"The wastebasket is full." says Jeffy. "Should I empty it or just get a new one?"
Well, Dennis is the clear winner this time. Jeffy's just an idiot.
Wednesday, 2014-04-23.
Dennis the Menace.
"Umm..." sighs Dennis, smelling Mrs. Wilson's freshly-baked biscuits. "Now this is how a kitchen should smell."
Family Circus.
Billy is doing his homework. Thel is watching.
"It's no fair." says Billy. "There's way more history to learn now than there was when you and daddy were kids."
Billy's implying that his parents are old, but presumably not on purpose. Dennis, on the other hand, is clearly paying Mrs. Wilson a compliment, but possibly just because he wants some biscuits. There's very little chance of her not giving them to him anyway though so it's fairly irrelevant. I'm just going to call this one a draw as well.
And so the final scores are two to one. Neither is particularly menacing, but the Family Circus kids aren't supposed to be, so there's no shame there. And they still managed to beat Dennis. I'd say it's definitely time to remove "the menace" from the title.
2014-04-16
One-Panel Wednesday: Money Money Money
The Family Circus, 2014-04-14.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
2014-04-10
One-Panel Wednesday: Pretending to Read
Ziggy, 2014-04-03.
Ziggy sits in his livingroom, smiling out the window, holding some folded sheets of blank paper like as though they're a newspaper.
"... There he is, right there!" says one mouse to another, pointing at Ziggy. "... Still think I'm superstitious?"
The second mouse is nonplussed.
Evidently Ziggy has been out of his house so much lately that the mice had come to regard him as a myth.
Hazel, 2014-04-04.
George, Dorothy and Hazel are in a shop, near a magazine rack.
"Meet you two back here in ten minutes." says Dorothy.
George picks up a porn magazine.
"Make it twenty!" calls Hazel after Dorothy.
Seriously.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-09.
Loretta comes come carrying several bags.
"What a great day!" she says happily. "I did everything on my to-do list!"
Leroy looks up morosely from the blank sheet of card he's holding as though it were a newspaper.
What is it with newspapers in comic strips being blank? Is it so hard to draw some squiggly lines?
Ziggy sits in his livingroom, smiling out the window, holding some folded sheets of blank paper like as though they're a newspaper.
"... There he is, right there!" says one mouse to another, pointing at Ziggy. "... Still think I'm superstitious?"
The second mouse is nonplussed.
Evidently Ziggy has been out of his house so much lately that the mice had come to regard him as a myth.
Hazel, 2014-04-04.
George, Dorothy and Hazel are in a shop, near a magazine rack.
"Meet you two back here in ten minutes." says Dorothy.
George picks up a porn magazine.
"Make it twenty!" calls Hazel after Dorothy.
Seriously.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-09.
Loretta comes come carrying several bags.
"What a great day!" she says happily. "I did everything on my to-do list!"
Leroy looks up morosely from the blank sheet of card he's holding as though it were a newspaper.
What is it with newspapers in comic strips being blank? Is it so hard to draw some squiggly lines?
2014-04-02
One-Panel Wednesday: Dentist the Menace
Dennis the Menace, 2014-03-27.
Alice is talking to Dennis's teacher, Ms. Duffey.
"Dennis displays great leadership," says Ms. Duffey, "and that makes me nervous."
No reason or explanation is given for her nervousness.
F-Minus, 2014-04-02.
A man lies face-down on a massage table. A man in a white coat lies on the floor looking up at him and reaching toward his face.
"Ohhh, yeah." says the man on the floor. "Impacted molar. Hand me the forceps, will ya?"
It seems that the second man is a dentist with a very unusual method of examining his patients.
Alice is talking to Dennis's teacher, Ms. Duffey.
"Dennis displays great leadership," says Ms. Duffey, "and that makes me nervous."
No reason or explanation is given for her nervousness.
F-Minus, 2014-04-02.
A man lies face-down on a massage table. A man in a white coat lies on the floor looking up at him and reaching toward his face.
"Ohhh, yeah." says the man on the floor. "Impacted molar. Hand me the forceps, will ya?"
It seems that the second man is a dentist with a very unusual method of examining his patients.
2014-03-26
One-Panel Wednesday: Cats, Dogs and Skunks
Heathcliff has had his owner buy (or make?) a hat that is a throne for him to sit upon, so that he might survey the world as he is carried about.
"Is that a new throne hat?" asks a woman.
Does this mean that there's an old throne hat that's been replaced by this new one?
Heathcliff and Sonja watch fearfully as three skunks ride past on six-wheeled, army-green vehicles.
"Everyone moves aside for the skunk buggies." says one garbage man to another.
Hazel and the Baxter family go to the cinema. George decides to see "Flames of Passion" while the others watch "The Magic Elf".
"See you after the show, Mister B." says Hazel.
A Ballard Street resident attempts to teach her dog to read.
"Remember, we always read left to right and top to bottom." she says.
The dog seems to be concentrating.
"Is that a new throne hat?" asks a woman.
Does this mean that there's an old throne hat that's been replaced by this new one?
Heathcliff and Sonja watch fearfully as three skunks ride past on six-wheeled, army-green vehicles.
"Everyone moves aside for the skunk buggies." says one garbage man to another.
Hazel and the Baxter family go to the cinema. George decides to see "Flames of Passion" while the others watch "The Magic Elf".
"See you after the show, Mister B." says Hazel.
A Ballard Street resident attempts to teach her dog to read.
"Remember, we always read left to right and top to bottom." she says.
The dog seems to be concentrating.
2014-03-19
One-Panel Wednesday: Hey Girl
Sonja and her owners (a man and a woman) stand outside their house watching Heathcliff go by in a dirigible with "HEY GIRL" written on the side. Sonja is clearly delighted.
"You never blimp me any more." says the woman.
A police officer cuffs a man who has just spray-painted "Watch your step" on the wall beside a small step in the middle of a footpath.
"Helpful? Perhaps." says a second officer. "But still illegal."
"Thanks, Dennis." says Margaret as she leaves the Mitchell house. "I had a really nice time."
Dennis turns to his mother and shrugs.
"I must be losin' my touch." he says.
Leroy and Loretta crouch, facing each other, eager grins on their faces as they prepare to leap.
"Last time I ever ask them to hug it out." sighs the marriage counsellor.
"You never blimp me any more." says the woman.
A police officer cuffs a man who has just spray-painted "Watch your step" on the wall beside a small step in the middle of a footpath.
"Helpful? Perhaps." says a second officer. "But still illegal."
"Thanks, Dennis." says Margaret as she leaves the Mitchell house. "I had a really nice time."
Dennis turns to his mother and shrugs.
"I must be losin' my touch." he says.
Leroy and Loretta crouch, facing each other, eager grins on their faces as they prepare to leap.
"Last time I ever ask them to hug it out." sighs the marriage counsellor.
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