Sitcom Thursday: Horrific abuses of power

Safe Havens, 2014-05-22.

"Samantha's performing her usual ritual before the lab closes for the summer..." says Rosalind, looking out the window. "...saving the lives of the lab rats by turning them into flowers and planting them outside!"
"More! More!" cry the flowers as Samantha sprinkles something onto them.
"Look, guys." says Samantha. "Someone is gonna notice that this is parmesan cheese..."

---

The lab rats are sentient, they can speak. They were going to be killed, but instead they were transformed into flowers by mad sorcerer geneticist Samantha Argus. They can still speak, but despite this the university has no problem paving over them, so Sam has to transfer them to her own garden. But then she discovers that when they sneeze (which is a thing they can do) their pollen turns animals into flowers, so she seals them in a glass case for their rest of their lives. Is there any part of this that isn't horrifying?

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The Barn, 2014-05-26.

Rory has a desk with a sign on it reading "Rory's Classics". Stan approaches and takes a sheaf of papers from the desk.
"'Gone with the breeze'?" reads Stan.
"Global warming." says Rory.

---

OK, Ralph Hagen, which part of "more extreme weather conditions" are you having trouble understanding?

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Retail, 2014-05-28.

"Lunker did these counts awfully fast, Cooper." says Marla. "Are you sure they're accurate?"
"There are 57 packets in this box..." says Cooper. "Observe."
He dumps the packets onto the ground.
"How many, Lunker?"
"57." says Lunker.
"Why isn't he counting everything?" asks Marla.
"I don't abuse the power of Lunker." says Cooper.

---

No, seriously though, why isn't he counting everything? How would that in any way be an abuse of power? What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-29.

"Whar's Silas, Elviney ?" asks Loweezy.
"He's in th' back of th' store inspectin' the' canned goods !!" says Elviney. "An' between you an' me -- changin' all th' exp'ration dates !!"
Loweezy is horrified.

---

Well, now everyone in town is going to know and you're going to be put out of business be run out of town by an angry mob. Nice going, Elviney.

Sitcom Thursday: Timely and Relevant

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-09.

Uriah is delivering the mail.
"Uh-oh..." he says, looking up. "Looks like rain !!"
Fortunately he has an umbrella for himself and a small umbrella which he attaches to his mailbag so that the letters don't get wet. It's just a pity that no one in Hootin' Holler can read.

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Retail, 2014-05-12.

"Can I see your I.D., please?" asks Val.
"What for?" demands the customer.
"You wrote 'See I.D.' on the back of your credit card." says Val.
"-Huff- Of course the cashier only looks at it when I'm in a hurry." says the customer. "What a hassle."
"You're welcome?" says Val.

---

Did you know that writing "See ID" on your credit card is dumb and pointless? Because it is. If you wrote it instead of signing then your card isn't valid and, although most retail staff won't press the issue, they shouldn't actually accept it. If you did sign it then the card is valid and the staff have no right to see your ID regardless of what may be written on your credit card.

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Shoe, 2014-05-13.

Skyler is taking a test at school. The first question is "Who was behind the first moon launch?" He thinks for a moment before writing "Ralph Kramden."

---

This is a comic strip that was published in 2014. Not 1970, 2014.

Retail

"Yes!" exclaims a customer, holding a box in one hand and his phone in the other.
"I just found this product $3.00 cheaper online!" he continues, carefully avoiding identifying the product in any way and making sure to specify that it is three dollars and zero cents exactly. The staff watch him in confusion.

"Ha ha ha ha!" he yells, flexing. "You lose, pathetic brick-and-mortar relic of the old world! The internet has freed me from the bloated bottom line of your antiquated business model!"
The staff watch him in silence.

Suddenly his phone goes "ding" and he swivels his head to stare at it, holding his arm out beside him and his elbow at 90 degrees.

"$6.00 for shipping?!" he exclaims in sudden rage, still carefully making note of the fact that the price is an exact number of dollars with no cents. The staff lose interest and wander off.

Comic