Ballard Street, 2014-09-15.
A group of five men are walking together down the footpath. Each of them wears a headset connected to a little box at his hip and each box is connected to the others. It's the Ballard Street Walking & Talking Club.
F-Minus, 2014-09-15.
A man and a woman are sitting on their couch, inside their house. The front door is open. The man is holding a length of blue cable that trails away outside the house.
"You're really missing the point of the leash law." says the woman.
The implication is that there is a dog attached to the other end of the blue cable and the man is obeying the letter of the law by having his dog on a lead, while in reality letting it wander about the neighbourhood unsupervised and at will. Perhaps he is missing the point, or perhaps this is an act of wilful disobedience, a protest against a law he sees as unwarranted.
Or perhaps there is no dog, the man is simply holding a blue cable which bears no relevance to the conversation he is having, in which he has demonstrated a lack of understanding with regard to leash laws and their purpose.
Who can say?
Heathcliff, 2014-09-15.
Heathcliff and Sonja are floating in the air, suspended by bright pink balloons attached to their faces. A man and a woman stand on the ground watching them pass. The two are long since used to Heathcliff and his high jinks, and are not shocked at the spectacle. But it does cause the woman to reminisce.
"You never buy me gum anymore." she says.
Family Circus, 2014-09-15.
"You never know what's going to happen." says Thel, presumably in response to some dumb thing Jeffy just said.
"Yeah, nobody ever tells me anything either." says Jeffy, assuming that everyone lives in the state of perpetual ignorance in which he lives his life.
Showing posts with label Family Circus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Circus. Show all posts
2014-09-19
2014-08-27
One-Panel Wednesday: Incorrectly sized bodies
Bizarro, 2014-08-22.
A man in a hooded windcheater is walking down the street carrying two bags marked with dollar signs when he is accosted by a large woman wearing a costume modelled on the classic Superman look.
"You're Superwoman?" he asks.
"Fashion models don't fight crime, Mary." she replies.
Kryptonians have super powers though. They don't need to look big and tough because they have super powers. And why does she assume that he's referring to her appearance? Her face is clearly visible, he may just recognise her. And why does she call him Mary? That seems like a fairly sexist way for Superwoman to insult someone. I don't like this comic.
Family Circus, 2014-08-22.
Thel, Billy, Dolly and Jeffy are sitting at the table waiting to eat. PJ begins to climb onto Bil's chair, but Dolly leaps to her feet and points accusingly at him.
"That's not your seat, PJ! Your head's not big enough to sit there."
This would have seemed weird enough by itself, because no one has ever thought that any of the Keane children's heads weren't big enough, but this is the second time in a month that PJ has been told that his head is too small.
Ziggy, 2014-08-27.
Ziggy looks into his bathroom mirror only to see a giant, grinning rabbit standing directly behind him, a rabbit that is only visible in the mirror.
"...uh..." he says, shaking with fear. "...er..."
A man in a hooded windcheater is walking down the street carrying two bags marked with dollar signs when he is accosted by a large woman wearing a costume modelled on the classic Superman look.
"You're Superwoman?" he asks.
"Fashion models don't fight crime, Mary." she replies.
Kryptonians have super powers though. They don't need to look big and tough because they have super powers. And why does she assume that he's referring to her appearance? Her face is clearly visible, he may just recognise her. And why does she call him Mary? That seems like a fairly sexist way for Superwoman to insult someone. I don't like this comic.
Family Circus, 2014-08-22.
Thel, Billy, Dolly and Jeffy are sitting at the table waiting to eat. PJ begins to climb onto Bil's chair, but Dolly leaps to her feet and points accusingly at him.
"That's not your seat, PJ! Your head's not big enough to sit there."
This would have seemed weird enough by itself, because no one has ever thought that any of the Keane children's heads weren't big enough, but this is the second time in a month that PJ has been told that his head is too small.
Ziggy, 2014-08-27.
Ziggy looks into his bathroom mirror only to see a giant, grinning rabbit standing directly behind him, a rabbit that is only visible in the mirror.
"...uh..." he says, shaking with fear. "...er..."
2014-08-20
One-Panel Wednesday: All hail Heathcliff, for he is our new god-king.
Dennis the Menace, 2014-08-08.
"I was supposed to sit here for 15 minutes, but I think I've gone into overtime." says Dennis glumly.
A very large, creepy-looking cat smirks at him.
Family Circus, 2014-08-08.
"I want you to know that you can be arrested for wearing socks with sandals." says Dolly, pointing at Jeffy's feet.
Jeffy looks suitably chagrined.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-12.
Heathcliff and two other cats are on a stage wearing egg cotumes and playing musical instruments. A crowd of other cats watch them in silence. The drum kit bears the name "Dumpty". Three humans observe from a nearby window.
"His new band." says one.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-19.
Heathcliff is seated on a throne between two flaming torches. Behind him looms a massive cat's head idol. One mouse beats a drum as another approaches with a cocktail on a tray.
"Just another Tuesday night." remarks one owl to another.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-20.
Heathcliff flies over the neighbourhood in a helicopter made in his image.
"It's garbage night somewhere." remarks one man to another.
"I was supposed to sit here for 15 minutes, but I think I've gone into overtime." says Dennis glumly.
A very large, creepy-looking cat smirks at him.
Family Circus, 2014-08-08.
"I want you to know that you can be arrested for wearing socks with sandals." says Dolly, pointing at Jeffy's feet.
Jeffy looks suitably chagrined.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-12.
Heathcliff and two other cats are on a stage wearing egg cotumes and playing musical instruments. A crowd of other cats watch them in silence. The drum kit bears the name "Dumpty". Three humans observe from a nearby window.
"His new band." says one.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-19.
Heathcliff is seated on a throne between two flaming torches. Behind him looms a massive cat's head idol. One mouse beats a drum as another approaches with a cocktail on a tray.
"Just another Tuesday night." remarks one owl to another.
Heathcliff, 2014-08-20.
Heathcliff flies over the neighbourhood in a helicopter made in his image.
"It's garbage night somewhere." remarks one man to another.
2014-07-30
One-Panel Wednesday: Grand Theft Chef
Family Circus, 2014-07-10.
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
2014-07-02
One-Panel Wednesday: Death, disease and tragedy. But funny.
Heathcliff, 2014-06-19.
Heathcliff leaves a hat shop, wearing a Mickey Mouse ears hat which he has presumably just purchased.
"The exterminator." says one of the hat shop staff members to the other.
I guess he's dressing as a mouse to kill mice? I don't get it.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-06-30.
A man is seeing a psychiatrist.
"A lot of people are not what we call 'morning people' and there are a lot of hidden reasons for that." says the psychiatrist. "However, in your case I'm guessing that 'getting up on the wrong side of the driveway' might be a hint."
It's funny because he's an alcoholic. He has a serious problem that's negatively affecting his life and health. Hilarious. Also, that is a lot of words for such a weak joke.
Family Circus, 2014-07-01.
PJ is eating a rapidly melting ice-cream. Dolly has just finished hers.
"You gotta remember, PJ," says Dolly, "the hotter the day, the faster you need to eat it."
PJ looks up at her sadly.
Heathcliff leaves a hat shop, wearing a Mickey Mouse ears hat which he has presumably just purchased.
"The exterminator." says one of the hat shop staff members to the other.
I guess he's dressing as a mouse to kill mice? I don't get it.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-06-30.
A man is seeing a psychiatrist.
"A lot of people are not what we call 'morning people' and there are a lot of hidden reasons for that." says the psychiatrist. "However, in your case I'm guessing that 'getting up on the wrong side of the driveway' might be a hint."
It's funny because he's an alcoholic. He has a serious problem that's negatively affecting his life and health. Hilarious. Also, that is a lot of words for such a weak joke.
Family Circus, 2014-07-01.
PJ is eating a rapidly melting ice-cream. Dolly has just finished hers.
"You gotta remember, PJ," says Dolly, "the hotter the day, the faster you need to eat it."
PJ looks up at her sadly.
2014-05-28
One-Panel Wednesday: Sticky notes and sticky fingers
The Family Circus, 2014-05-16.
Billy has a piece of paper with "8+8=16" written on it.
"Guess what!" he says. "In another year I'll be halfway to driving your car!"
His father just looks at him blankly.
The joke here, of course, is that Billy will never have the mental capacity required to drive a car.
F-Minus, 2014-05-19.
A young man and an old woman cross paths in the street. As they do so, the man grabs the woman's bag and takes off with it. But something seems unusual about this scenario...
"Hey..." he says, "where's my wallet?"
It turns out that the woman has picked his pocket and is now in possession of his wallet.
Pluggers, 2014-05-22.
Earl applies yet another sticky note to a wall already covered in them.
A plugger always uses tape when using a sticky note.
Sticky notes are supposed to be temporary. They're not meant to stay up for year after year. If you want to store notes on a more permanent basis, there are better ways. Why do people do this?
Billy has a piece of paper with "8+8=16" written on it.
"Guess what!" he says. "In another year I'll be halfway to driving your car!"
His father just looks at him blankly.
The joke here, of course, is that Billy will never have the mental capacity required to drive a car.
F-Minus, 2014-05-19.
A young man and an old woman cross paths in the street. As they do so, the man grabs the woman's bag and takes off with it. But something seems unusual about this scenario...
"Hey..." he says, "where's my wallet?"
It turns out that the woman has picked his pocket and is now in possession of his wallet.
Pluggers, 2014-05-22.
Earl applies yet another sticky note to a wall already covered in them.
A plugger always uses tape when using a sticky note.
Sticky notes are supposed to be temporary. They're not meant to stay up for year after year. If you want to store notes on a more permanent basis, there are better ways. Why do people do this?
2014-05-14
One-Panel Wednesday: Dumb Jokes and Dumb Kids
Bizarro, 2014-05-12.
A man dressed as Robin Hood is at a doctor's looking at an eye-chart, but instead of letters or symbols it has apples on it.
"Granny Smith, Braeburn..." he says, "um... Red Delicious?"
William Tell's mandatory pre-employment physical
Look, I can sort of see where you're coming from with this, Piraro, but it doesn't work. The pieces don't really fit together properly. William Tell would need good eyesight to shoot an apple off his son's head, but that wasn't his job, and he didn't need to identify the type of apple. And why is he dressed as Robin Hood? You know that was a different guy, right?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-05-12.
"If our spaceship had room for a kitchen, you'd be my first cook in command." says Dennis nonsensically to the horrifying alien masquerading as his mother.
The Family Circus, 2014-05-13.
"Look at this little green apple that was growin' on our tomato plant." says Jeffy, holding an unripe tomato that he's just pulled off the plant.
Oh my god, how are you this dumb, Jeffy? How?
A man dressed as Robin Hood is at a doctor's looking at an eye-chart, but instead of letters or symbols it has apples on it.
"Granny Smith, Braeburn..." he says, "um... Red Delicious?"
William Tell's mandatory pre-employment physical
Look, I can sort of see where you're coming from with this, Piraro, but it doesn't work. The pieces don't really fit together properly. William Tell would need good eyesight to shoot an apple off his son's head, but that wasn't his job, and he didn't need to identify the type of apple. And why is he dressed as Robin Hood? You know that was a different guy, right?
Dennis the Menace, 2014-05-12.
"If our spaceship had room for a kitchen, you'd be my first cook in command." says Dennis nonsensically to the horrifying alien masquerading as his mother.
The Family Circus, 2014-05-13.
"Look at this little green apple that was growin' on our tomato plant." says Jeffy, holding an unripe tomato that he's just pulled off the plant.
Oh my god, how are you this dumb, Jeffy? How?
2014-04-23
One-Panel Wednesday: Menace-Off
I've noticed recently that not only is Dennis the Menace decidedly un-menacing, but the kids from The Family Circus may actually have the edge on him, and when you're being out-menaced by the Keanes, you've really lost all claim to the title. So I thought I'd do a quick comparison of the last week's panels.
Thursday, 2014-04-17.
Dennis the Menace.
"Eatin' your cookies and changin' channels is the only exercise Mr. Wilson gets." says Dennis to Mrs. Wilson. Mr Wilson steadfastly ignores him and continues channel-surfing.
Family Circus.
The tablecloth has a large chunk cut out of it and a pair of scissors lie on the floor nearby.
"Maybe this'll just be one of those things we'll look back on and laugh." squawks Billy as Thel drags him out of the room.
OK, Billy has this one in the bag, hands down. Deliberately damaging the tablecloth for no apparent reason is far more menacing than just making a mildly inappropriate comment about Mr. Wilson's health.
Friday, 2014-04-18.
Dennis the Menace.
"What am I doin' wrong, dad?" asks Dennis, trying unsuccessfully to kick a football. "My punts look more like bunts."
Henry observes contemplatively.
Family Circus.
"I sure am glad PJ is still the size of my hug." says Dolly.
Let's call this one a draw. There's no menace in either one.
Saturday, 2014-04-19.
Dennis the Menace.
Alice points accusingly at an empty bowl.
"I didn't throw the carrots away, mom." says Dennis. "I put them outside for the Easter Bunny."
Family Circus.
Water covers the bathroom floor. A dispirited Bil stands over the toilet with plunger in hand.
"If it's easier, you could just buy me ANOTHER little ball to play with." says Jeffy.
OK, Dennis is clearly supposed to have made up an excuse for not eating his carrots, but it's a very cute excuse, so that really mitigates it a lot. And even if it didn't, we once again have a Keane child doing some actual damage for no apparent reason, so it has to go to the Keanes again.
Monday, 2014-04-21.
Dennis the Menace.
Henry steps out of the car, which he has just reversed into a signpost. Dennis is in the back seat.
"It's gonna be hard to blame this one on the post." says Dennis.
Family Circus.
Dolly and Jeffy examine their Easter eggs.
"The East Bunny must have a lot of chickens workin' for him." says Dolly.
I'm almost tempted to give this one to the Keanes as well, just for how well Dennis is reacting to the car crash, and because Jeffy looks slightly disappointed in his egg, but let's just call it a draw again.
Tuesday, 2014-04-22.
Dennis the Menace.
"If anyone knows who threw this eraser, raise your hand." says the teacher.
All the students raise their hands except for Dennis, who tries to act casual.
Family Circus.
"The wastebasket is full." says Jeffy. "Should I empty it or just get a new one?"
Well, Dennis is the clear winner this time. Jeffy's just an idiot.
Wednesday, 2014-04-23.
Dennis the Menace.
"Umm..." sighs Dennis, smelling Mrs. Wilson's freshly-baked biscuits. "Now this is how a kitchen should smell."
Family Circus.
Billy is doing his homework. Thel is watching.
"It's no fair." says Billy. "There's way more history to learn now than there was when you and daddy were kids."
Billy's implying that his parents are old, but presumably not on purpose. Dennis, on the other hand, is clearly paying Mrs. Wilson a compliment, but possibly just because he wants some biscuits. There's very little chance of her not giving them to him anyway though so it's fairly irrelevant. I'm just going to call this one a draw as well.
And so the final scores are two to one. Neither is particularly menacing, but the Family Circus kids aren't supposed to be, so there's no shame there. And they still managed to beat Dennis. I'd say it's definitely time to remove "the menace" from the title.
Thursday, 2014-04-17.
Dennis the Menace.
"Eatin' your cookies and changin' channels is the only exercise Mr. Wilson gets." says Dennis to Mrs. Wilson. Mr Wilson steadfastly ignores him and continues channel-surfing.
Family Circus.
The tablecloth has a large chunk cut out of it and a pair of scissors lie on the floor nearby.
"Maybe this'll just be one of those things we'll look back on and laugh." squawks Billy as Thel drags him out of the room.
OK, Billy has this one in the bag, hands down. Deliberately damaging the tablecloth for no apparent reason is far more menacing than just making a mildly inappropriate comment about Mr. Wilson's health.
Friday, 2014-04-18.
Dennis the Menace.
"What am I doin' wrong, dad?" asks Dennis, trying unsuccessfully to kick a football. "My punts look more like bunts."
Henry observes contemplatively.
Family Circus.
"I sure am glad PJ is still the size of my hug." says Dolly.
Let's call this one a draw. There's no menace in either one.
Saturday, 2014-04-19.
Dennis the Menace.
Alice points accusingly at an empty bowl.
"I didn't throw the carrots away, mom." says Dennis. "I put them outside for the Easter Bunny."
Family Circus.
Water covers the bathroom floor. A dispirited Bil stands over the toilet with plunger in hand.
"If it's easier, you could just buy me ANOTHER little ball to play with." says Jeffy.
OK, Dennis is clearly supposed to have made up an excuse for not eating his carrots, but it's a very cute excuse, so that really mitigates it a lot. And even if it didn't, we once again have a Keane child doing some actual damage for no apparent reason, so it has to go to the Keanes again.
Monday, 2014-04-21.
Dennis the Menace.
Henry steps out of the car, which he has just reversed into a signpost. Dennis is in the back seat.
"It's gonna be hard to blame this one on the post." says Dennis.
Family Circus.
Dolly and Jeffy examine their Easter eggs.
"The East Bunny must have a lot of chickens workin' for him." says Dolly.
I'm almost tempted to give this one to the Keanes as well, just for how well Dennis is reacting to the car crash, and because Jeffy looks slightly disappointed in his egg, but let's just call it a draw again.
Tuesday, 2014-04-22.
Dennis the Menace.
"If anyone knows who threw this eraser, raise your hand." says the teacher.
All the students raise their hands except for Dennis, who tries to act casual.
Family Circus.
"The wastebasket is full." says Jeffy. "Should I empty it or just get a new one?"
Well, Dennis is the clear winner this time. Jeffy's just an idiot.
Wednesday, 2014-04-23.
Dennis the Menace.
"Umm..." sighs Dennis, smelling Mrs. Wilson's freshly-baked biscuits. "Now this is how a kitchen should smell."
Family Circus.
Billy is doing his homework. Thel is watching.
"It's no fair." says Billy. "There's way more history to learn now than there was when you and daddy were kids."
Billy's implying that his parents are old, but presumably not on purpose. Dennis, on the other hand, is clearly paying Mrs. Wilson a compliment, but possibly just because he wants some biscuits. There's very little chance of her not giving them to him anyway though so it's fairly irrelevant. I'm just going to call this one a draw as well.
And so the final scores are two to one. Neither is particularly menacing, but the Family Circus kids aren't supposed to be, so there's no shame there. And they still managed to beat Dennis. I'd say it's definitely time to remove "the menace" from the title.
2014-04-16
One-Panel Wednesday: Money Money Money
The Family Circus, 2014-04-14.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
2014-03-13
One-Panel We-Thursday? Breaking the law
I had an issue with my hard disk the other day, so I'm posting this a day late.
Marmaduke grabs Phil by the arm and drags him into the yard to see that the snowman that was there is now little more than a misshapen blob.
"There's nothing I can do, Marmaduke." says Phil. "It's called 'end of winter.'"
It isn't though, no one says "Ah, the weather's warming up, I'm so glad it's 'end of winter'!" That's just not what anyone calls it.
Mrs Nutmeg and Iggy wait while Heathcliff meets with his parole officer.
"That's his fake laugh." says Iggy.
It seems that Heathcliff is trying to get on his parole officer's side as he does not want to return to cat jail.
"Mommy, when I graduate from college, will I be smarter than your phone?" asks Dolly.
No, Dolly, you won't.
Marmaduke grabs Phil by the arm and drags him into the yard to see that the snowman that was there is now little more than a misshapen blob.
"There's nothing I can do, Marmaduke." says Phil. "It's called 'end of winter.'"
It isn't though, no one says "Ah, the weather's warming up, I'm so glad it's 'end of winter'!" That's just not what anyone calls it.
Mrs Nutmeg and Iggy wait while Heathcliff meets with his parole officer.
"That's his fake laugh." says Iggy.
It seems that Heathcliff is trying to get on his parole officer's side as he does not want to return to cat jail.
"Mommy, when I graduate from college, will I be smarter than your phone?" asks Dolly.
No, Dolly, you won't.
2014-03-05
One-Panel Wednesday: Misery and the Garbage Ape
Smiling happily, Loretta pats Leroy on the stomach.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
2013-08-28
2013-06-18
Family Circus
Dolly drops her dolly and glares at her siblings.
"It's okay." says Jeffy, "PJ's a lot stronger than he looks."
Jeffy and PJ are fighting. Jeffy clearly has the upper hand, not showing any signs of effort even when he pauses to explain the situation to his sister. PJ is pretty clearly about to get his arse kicked.
Comic
"It's okay." says Jeffy, "PJ's a lot stronger than he looks."
Jeffy and PJ are fighting. Jeffy clearly has the upper hand, not showing any signs of effort even when he pauses to explain the situation to his sister. PJ is pretty clearly about to get his arse kicked.
Comic
2013-06-03
Pondering Family Circus
 |
| The Family Circus, 2013-05-12. |
2013-03-10
The Family Circus
Bil is in bed, sick. A tray holding toast, a bowl of broth and a glass of water sits mostly untouched in front of him. Billy enters the room to see how his father is feeling.
"Maybe you caught your virus from our computer, daddy." says Billy.
Bil regards his son sadly, wondering just how he managed to end up with such a dumb kid.
Comic
"Maybe you caught your virus from our computer, daddy." says Billy.
Bil regards his son sadly, wondering just how he managed to end up with such a dumb kid.
Comic
2012-09-26
Family Circus
Billy walks into the house with a black eye, covered in dirt and bruises, with a bandaid on his cheek and another on his wrist. His clothes are ragged and torn and he's carrying one shoe. His knuckles are covered in some unidentified grime and sweat rolls down his face.
"I think my guardian angel took the day off." he says, understating the situation rather dramatically.
Comic
"I think my guardian angel took the day off." he says, understating the situation rather dramatically.
Comic
2012-07-11
The Family Circus
"I'm coming back inside." wails Jeffy, running through the doorway in terror. "The sky keeps growlin' at me!"
Comic
Comic
2012-07-07
The Family Circus
"I'm gonna go climb on my roof." says some kid with a ladder to Jeffy. "Ask your mom if you can too."
"Okay," says Jeffy, "but I sure hope she says no."
Comic
"Okay," says Jeffy, "but I sure hope she says no."
Comic
2012-06-07
Family Circus
"Somebody needs to start me up!" wails Jeffy as he sits alone in the middle of an empty park on a swing suspended too high for him to safely dismount. Silence is his only answer.
Comic
Comic
2012-05-13
Family Circus
PJ is standing in a clothes shop, thinking of his mother and crying.
"I'm right here, PJ." says Thel, from behind a counter.
PJ spins around to look up at her and grins.
"Heh-heh-- just checkin'" he thinks, tears still running down his face.
Comic
"I'm right here, PJ." says Thel, from behind a counter.
PJ spins around to look up at her and grins.
"Heh-heh-- just checkin'" he thinks, tears still running down his face.
Comic
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)