One-Panel We-Thursday? Breaking the law

I had an issue with my hard disk the other day, so I'm posting this a day late.

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Marmaduke grabs Phil by the arm and drags him into the yard to see that the snowman that was there is now little more than a misshapen blob.
"There's nothing I can do, Marmaduke." says Phil. "It's called 'end of winter.'"
It isn't though, no one says "Ah, the weather's warming up, I'm so glad it's 'end of winter'!" That's just not what anyone calls it.

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Mrs Nutmeg and Iggy wait while Heathcliff meets with his parole officer.
"That's his fake laugh." says Iggy.
It seems that Heathcliff is trying to get on his parole officer's side as he does not want to return to cat jail.

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"Mommy, when I graduate from college, will I be smarter than your phone?" asks Dolly.
No, Dolly, you won't.

One-Panel Wednesday: Cats and Dogs

Heathcliff walks down the street chatting with Marmaduke. Two children watch them pass.
"They commiserate about fleas." says one boy to the other, failing to appreciate the incredible honour bearing witness to two such majestic being passing by.

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Marmaduke sits by the window, watching the snow fall, thinking of the boy who so casually disrespected him earlier. Soon he must pay.
"Do you really have to go out, or do you feel like the snow is challenging you?" asks Phil.
Marmaduke turns and fixes him with an icy glare.

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Heathcliff strides down the street wearing a centurion's helmet, wielding a net on a stick and a shield with a picture of a dog on it. Two dog-catchers watch him go by.
"He's our chihuahua guy." says one to the other.
Little do they realise that it is not chihuahuas that Heathcliff hunts this day. A human child must be taught a lesson.

Honestly, I only modified two of these comics

Based on the 2013-12-19 Marmaduke strip.

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The Pajama Diaries, 2013-12-19.

Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised that this got published in newspapers? I mean, the joke here is that she is about to have sex with her tablet, right? And she's wearing only her underwear. This is basically an invitation for letters of complaint.

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Based on the 2013-12-19 On The Fast Rack strip.

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As Henry is walking down the street a boy runs past him going in the opposite direction. Another boy follows close behind him.
"A big milk truck upset, Henry!" calls the second boy as he passes.
Henry quickly runs home to fetch his cats.

Henry, 2013-12-19.

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"Thar's Doc Pritchart an' Snuffy headed fer th' community Chris'mas party !!" says Elviney.
Snuffy and Pritchart are dressed as Santa and an elf, and although Snuffy is short and the doctor is tall, Snuffy is Santa and Doc is the elf.
"Not eg'zactly masters of th' obvious, are they ?" muses Lukey.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2013-12-19.

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Apartment 3-G, 2013-12-19.

"We'll stay in touch." says Lu Ann, probably even meaning it. But this is Apartment 3-G, so you can pretty much guarantee that this is the last we'll ever hear of Cole or Marty. I wonder who Lu Ann will get engaged to next month?

Also, it seems like a while since we've heard anything of Margo, so hopefully she'll make up for her absence with a particularly crazy Christmas/new year's eve story.

Also Tommie still exists, presumably.

Bad drawings and bad jokes

Marmaduke, 2013-12-04.

Is he talking about the small girl or the dog? Either way, I'm disturbed.

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Pooch Café, 2013-12-04.

That has got to be the worst drawing of Oprah ever attempted.

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"Out!" yells the bouncer as he hurls Andy from the oub.
"Tch!" exclaims the police officer, wagging a finger. "You know, mister Capp, you should drink in moderation"
"Is that the new club in town?" asks Andy.
You see, he's very drunk and is having comprehension problems. Or perhaps he's making a joke. Either way, the police officer is not amused and expresses his frustration by breaking the fourth wall and grimacing at the audience.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-04.

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"Honey!" calls Molly, reading a letter. "How many fish did you say you caught last Saturday?"
"I brought home six beauties!" brags Moose. "Why?"
"Just as I thought!" exclaims Molly. "The fish market made a mistake and is trying to bill us for eight!"
Moose grins at the audience as though to say "Well, she caught me!"

Moose and Molly, 2013-12-04.

Marmaduke

"Aha!" thinks an old lady as Marmaduke, perched on a skateboard, flies overhead. "That explains the new skateboard ramp."
Her husband seems more concerned, possibly because where he's sitting makes it more likely that the large dog will land on him.

Marmaduke, 2013-09-23.

Marmaduke

Marmaduke chases a terrified frog as it flees for its life.
"He found a new friend to play with." says Phil as he and Dottie look on, powerless to intervene.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-14.

Marmaduke

Marmaduke has somehow managed to not only drink an entire bathtub full of water, but has done so without the occupant of the bath noticing until he was finished and out of the room.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-13.

Marmaduke

Dottie has finally been driven to screaming hysterical madness by Marmaduke. For he is a very large dog, you see.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-12.

Marmaduke

"How's the campout going?" Phil asks Marmaduke.
Marmaduke is inside his doghouse which is itself inside a tent.

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke runs down a street, Billy and Phil close on his heels, a crowd of angry people chasing them at a short distance. They're coming from the direction of an ice-sculpture competition. As they pass Dottie and Barbara, Phil calls out to them.
"Don't ask" he yells, "just run!"

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke has broken into an old couple's house. He stares hungrily into the old man's eyes, holding him down so he can't escape. The man's wife stands in the doorway, powerless to intervene.

"He's trying to hypnotise me." says the old man, covering his eyes in a futile attempt to save himself. Nothing can stop Marmaduke.

Comic

Marmaduke

"Aren't you supposed to be holding the ladder?" asks Phil.
He and Marmaduke are both on the roof somehow. He seems to be addressing Marmaduke, suggesting that he entrusted his safety to a large but uncomprehending dog, and even though Phil is closest to the ladder, it seems that Marmaduke has somehow managed to get up past him without him noticing. How did Marmaduke even climb a ladder anyway? This comic raises more questions than it answers.

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke lies on top of his kennel, which is stuffed full of pop-corn to the point that it is overflowing and pouring out of the door and covering the grass in front. Some of it is flying through the air, suggesting that it is still popping.

"I think he popped too much popcorn." remarks one neighbour to another, neither of them seeing anything particularly unusual about any of this.

Comic

Marmaduke

Two dog-catchers stand with their big nets watching as Marmaduke, seated beside two little green aliens inside a flying saucer, takes off into the sky.

"Remember when this happened before and headquarters laughed their heads off when we reported it?" asks dog-catcher.

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke answers the door to find a woman clutching a briefcase standing there.
"Good morning." says the woman. "Is the monster of the house at..."
Marmaduke narrows his eyes threateningly.
"Lady ... " says the woman, dropping her case in sudden terror. "I said Lady of the house at home?"

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke sits on a sled on the lawn, staring in horror at something off-panel.

"Somebody's glad the hot weather is over." Phil says to his neighbour.

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke, wearing an apron and chef's hat, holds a spatula in his mouth and uses it to cook some burgers on his own personal barbecue.

"He's so fussy about his food, I decided to let him cook his own." says Phil.

No one at the barbecue seems to be particularly surprised or impressed at the dog's ability to cook like a human.

Comic

Marmaduke

The two children sit on the couch, watching TV. Marmaduke has snuck up behind the couch and now rises up, forelimbs flailing, gaping maw revealing four pointed fangs.

"Forget it, Marmaduke." says the girl boredly, "You are not a vampire."

Comic

Marmaduke

Marmaduke sits at the table, waiting eagerly as Dottie sticks some dog-biscuits into a bowl of ice-cream. Phil looks on in horror, spoon poised halfway between his own bowl of ice-cream and his mouth.
"Now you're really spoiling him." he says.
In fact, it's a pretty bad idea to feed ice-cream to fully grown dogs as they are, like most adult mammals, lactose intolerant.

Comic