Curtis

Curtis, 2016-11-10.

I had more to say about today's Curtis than would fit on Twitter, so I thought I may as well post it here.

The first thing I noticed, that I was originally going to comment on, was that sign in the first panel. "Upspeak", I assume, refers to HRT, a vocal peculiarity associated largely with women, particularly young women. Also Australians, but that seems less relevant. Is that a subtle way of saying "no women allowed"? That can't be the intended meaning, surely?

That led me down a bit of a rabbit hole on Wikipedia so I read about gay lisp and sexy baby voice among other things, which was interesting, but doesn't really relate to this comic. Anyway, all that almost distracted me from actually reading the strip, so I almost missed the weirdest thing about it.

The joke follows a pretty standard form of complaining about gym memberships (you don't go and they're hard to cancel) but hold up a second - that's Barry he's talking to. I'm not sure how old Barry is supposed to be, but Curtis is apparently 11 and Barry's younger, so let's say... 9?

Why is Gunther complaining about gym memberships to a nine-year-old? No wonder he's not saying anything back. What would he say? Is Gunther expecting sympathy or understanding from a literal child? What a weird situation.

Don't trust anyone over thirty

Curtis, 2015-02-05.

Are we seriously expected to believe that Curtis doesn't like any musicians who are over the age of 30? Really?

Sitcom Thursday: Creepy Kid

The Born Loser, 2014-09-23.

"I'm an eternal optimist. A glass-half-full type of person!" says Brutus's co-worker. "How about you, Thorny— are you a glass-half-full or half-empty guy?"
"I'm the born loser, so I'm a glass-completely-empty type of guy." says Brutus.

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Is it just me or is it really weird how this comic has its protagonist just come right out and acknowledge his role in it? And this isn't an isolated thing either, he does it all the time. He is "the born loser" and he knows it. Not merely a born loser, the. And it isn't even necessary to the joke, you can remove the words "I'm the born loser, so" and it works just as well. It's more obviously fourth-wall breaking than anything Ted Forth has ever done.

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Beetle Bailey, 2014-09-23.

"Can you take this truck to the dump, Zero?" asks Sgt. Snorkel.
"Okay, Sarge" says Pvt. Zero.
Some time later Zero returns with the ute still loaded full of garbage.
"I'm back from the dump, Sarge" he says. "Where do you want me to take it now?"

---

With that instruction I'd expect Zero to return on a bus, having left the ute behind.

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Curtis, 2014-09-23.

"Did any of you children read during the summer vacation ?" asks Mrs Nelson.
"I did, Mrs. Nelson !" says Curtis. "'Vampire Feast,' 'The Thing From the Deep' and 'Mutant Zombie Landlord'!"
Mrs Nelson glares at him.
"Hey, they had a front cover, back cover and pages in between ! Technically that's a book !!"

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I'm with Curtis on this. He's constantly getting flack for reading comics, despite the fact that he's apparently the only student in his class who reads any kind of book at all. It's pretty shitty to criticise him for it.

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One Big Happy, 2014-09-24.

"Library lady, these tomatoes are for you. My grandpa grew them!" says Ruthie.
"Why, thank you, Ruthie!" says the library lady. "They're beautiful! Thank your grandpa for me, will you?
"Yes'm."
The library lady takes the tomatoes and begins to leave. James follows her.
"No, James, it's not going to happen."
"I sure enjoy seein' a hefty gal eat!" says James.
The library lady grimaces.
"I know, I know."

---

Well, that sure is creepy.

Philosophical Phunday: Meaningless Coincidence

Back on the 2nd of September I noticed a weird coincidence in the comics pages. Three of the strips seemed to be thematically linked. First there's Garfield doing a pretty standard Garfield bit.

Garfield, 2014-09-02.

That Mirror-Garfield talking to Real-Garfield thing is a running joke. Then we have Crankshaft in which we see the old "someone sees something weird and then looks at their drink and says they're never drinking again" joke.

Crankshaft, 2014-09-02.

If you've never seen that one before you must have been raised in isolation with no access to television or movies. But then we have the final piece of the puzzle, that links these two strips together.

Curtis, 2014-09-02.

It's Curtis doing a combination of both those jokes (in a too young to drink way). Weird, right? That's all, I didn't really have a point, it's just something I noticed.

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Safe Havens, 2014-09-03.

OK, this is the equivalent of a human being terrified of McDonald's because they eat mammals in there! Dodos are not chickens.

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Alley Oop, 2014-09-18.

Sorry, Alley, I agree with this guy. Your teeth are perfectly straight, your hair is neatly trimmed, your body is strangely hairless. You look nothing like a caveman.

Philosophical Friday: What even is a bird?

Edge City, 2014-06-13.

According to his official character bio on Comics Kingdom, Len "used to play in a punk rock band ... and stays true to his rock-and-roll roots" so you'd think he'd be a bit more open to this kind of thing.

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Bewley, 2014-06-30.

Oh come on, breasts, teeth, hair. Why even make the characters in your comic birds if they're not going to be even remotely bird-like?

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Curtis, 2014-06-30.

Well, whose fault would you say that is, Greg? Given that you offer him no other way to get money and asking you actually works around half the time, why wouldn't he do it? You are the cause of your own problem, but you're blaming Curtis for it anyway, because you blame everything on Curtis. Fuck you, Greg Wilkins. Also Ray Billingsley.

Sitcom Thursday: Medieval Attitudes About Women

Shoe, 2014-05-05.

"Biz, are you wearing your dentures?..." asks Roz.
"No." says Biz.
"Well, let me get you something you can sink your tooth into."
Both of them are birds.

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I know I just covered this with Pluggers yesterday, but come on, birds with teeth again?

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Hägar the Horrible, 2014-05-06.

"Sir Knight !" call Hägar. "We haven't seen you in ages ! Come sneak up with us on an enemy castle!"
"I've been out of commission for so long I might be a liability!" answers Knight.
"He's right..." says Lucky Eddie, noticing that Knight's armour squeaks when he moves. "He might!"

---

Given that Knight is wearing full plate armour and a helmet that covers his face, how did Hägar know it was him? And is his name really Sir Knight? Also, he seems pretty cavalier about joining a group of Vikings to attack some castle.

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Curtis, 2014-05-08.

"Number one, never take your lady for granted" says Greg.
Curtis listens wearily.
"Number one, give her little gifts for no reason..." continues Greg. "Number one, never have another woman's number saved on your phone..."
Curtis slumps forward.
"Number one, make her feel that without her, your life would be trash"
"We've been at this for two hours, dad!" complains Curtis. "When does this list end?"
"Hey, we're past the halfway mark!" says Greg, smugly.

---

On no account should you ever make the mistake of thinking of a woman as a human being like yourself. They're more like robots. You just have to know the rules and follow them to get what you want.

Ah, and one of those rules is that you can't have any female friends, apparently. Or colleagues you might need to phone. Not that that should be a problem, because why would you have female friends? As though a man could ever have any reason to associate with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with. Absurd. And as for the work colleague thing, why would you need to phone your secretary? And if you do, just call your own office and she'll answer.

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Marvin & Family, 2014-05-08.

"Where are you going, Jeff?" asks Jenny.
"It's a little too close to Mother's Day to answer that question" says Jeff, leaving the house.
"You told Jenny you're Mother's Day shopping?" asks Ted later at the pub.
"I never actually said that" smirks Jeff.

---

Hey, he might have deliberately deceived her by making a misleading statement, but there's no way anyone could equate that with lying, right? Besides, how is a man supposed to get some time to spend with his friends if he doesn't lie to his nagging wife, right guys?

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Wizard of Id, 2014-05-08.

A prisoner hangs by his wrists in the castle dungeon.
"I'll not talk without my lawyer present" he says.
In the second panel a man in a top hat is hanging next to him.
"Thanks a heap, friend!" says the new arrival.
The implication is that the second man is the first man's lawyer, and so he has been arrested as a deliberate misinterpretation of the prisoner's demand.

Sitcom Thursday: Signs of Madness

Herb and Jamaal, 2014-04-24.

Jamaal is lying in bed, clutching the covers in apparent fear.
"Sometimes in quiet moments, I believe I hear voices..." he thinks, "... that put ideas in my head. But even though I know the voices aren't real..."
He begins smiling.
"...They still have some pretty good ideas."

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Well, that's creepy.

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This week Curtis paid a visit to Gunther the barber, where it turned out that Gunther's sister, a fashion designer from Las Vegas (whose name is apparently "Babygirl") was coming to visit. She arrived in a limousine.

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Curtis, 2014-04-23.

"I haven't seen you, Babygirl, in a month of Sundays" says Gunther.
"Hhhhow have you been, dear brother?" asks Babygirl.
"Fine!" says Gunther. "And how's life treatin' you?"
"Champagne, caviar and chauffeurs, dahhling! Oh! I take my breath away!" says Babygirl. "I lead a faaabulous life in faaabulous Las Vegas as the premiere fashion designer to only the most faaabulous celebrities and stars! There ain't no bones in ice-cream, honey"
Curtis laughs uproariously, as though something funny just happened. Gunther gives him a confused look.

Philosophical Friday: The inevitability of Death

There's a new PE teacher in Curtis, and his job, he says, is to teach "respect for your body, your health, and your self-esteem", and his method for doing this is apparently to belittle the students, terrorise them, conflate exercise with punishment, and bully them. And it's not just that he is an angry, bullying arsehole, the whole thing is a carefully orchestrated act. And the rest of the staff are all in on it, and presumably they approve. It's not just me, this is pretty weird, right?

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On The FastRack, 2014-03-031.

Hey, you might not be popular, but don't forget, you're going to die one day! So you've got that going for you. Bill Holbrook's comics are weird.

Curtis

"Mornin' Curtis" sings Chutney.
"Morning, Chutney" says Curtis.

Suddenly Curtis realises something shocking. He turns to look at Chutney.
"Uh-oh!" he thinks.

Comic