Twitter - Facebook
Showing posts with label Lockhorns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lockhorns. Show all posts
2014-07-30
One-Panel Wednesday: Grand Theft Chef
Family Circus, 2014-07-10.
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
Jeffy is sitting quietly on an endless white plain under a yellow sky playing with a little model of a school, two trees and a schoolbus. Suddenly a wrathful Billy appears, stomping towards him. Jeffy stands up in apprehension. Billy roars, and with a mighty kick he demolishes the school, sending pieces of it flying into the air.
"Mommy!" calls Jeffy. "Can't we send Billy to summer school or camp or somethin'?"
But Thel is nowhere to be found. The two boys are alone in this place.
Family Circus, 2014-07-29.
"Mommy, will you tell Jeffy to stop smellin' my cookie?" asks Dolly.
Is that a euphemism?
The Lockhorns, 2014-07-29.
Loretta is happily playing on the computer. The phone rings, so Leroy gets up to answer it.
"Loretta's not here... she's in cyberspace." he says, to the presumably confused caller.
This may not seem remarkable, but think about it. Leroy actually got up to answer the phone instead of interrupting Loretta to try to get her to do it. Then when he found out the call was for her, he still didn't interrupt her, but told the caller she wasn't available so she could continue having fun. This may be the nicest thing he's ever done.
Pardon My Planet, 2014-07-29.
Two women are sitting on a couch playing a video game. Two men stand behind them looking grumpy.
"All right, made my way through the teriyaki salmon filet and now on to the chicken biryani." says one of the women.
"30 more tiramisu points for me!" says the other. "Woohoo!"
Grand Theft Chef
What? Grand Theft Chef? That's not even a pun. What? It's like GTA, but food, because women like cooking instead of cars? Do you have to steal chefs? I guess GTA doesn't involve a lot of car theft, except incidentally, but still. And player one made her way through the teriyaki salmon filet? Tiramisu points?
And what's with the guys in the background? What's their problem? Do they want a turn and the women are hogging it? Because now that there's a cooking-based game, women can play video games? Is that it? Video games are for boys but imagine if there were cooking games, then girls would want to play?
I know Pardon My Planet is a bad comic, but I feel like I'm really stretching to get any kind of sense out of this one, much less a recognisable joke. Grand Theft Chef?
2014-05-07
One-Panel Wednesday: As rare as hen's teeth
The Lockhorns, 2014-05-05.
Leroy spots a sign in a window — "SIGN UP FOR OUR 10K CHALLENGE". He stops to consider it.
"Forget it, Leroy..." says Loretta, tiredly. "'K' is for kilometers, not 'kegs.'"
Ballard Street, 2014-05-05.
Roger is hanging by his hands from a clamp that he has affixed to a door-frame. At his feet a number of other clamps are scattered about. A dog is investigating them.
"Clamps are not a proper area of interest, Roger." says his wife.
Heathcliff, 2014-05-05.
Heathcliff and Garfield stand facing each other on an empty street.
"ShIt just got real." says one bird to another.
Pluggers, 2014-05-05.
Henrietta Beak is sitting in her car.
"Uh oh." she says, looking at the calendar she keeps on the dash. "I forgot I have a dentist appointment Friday. I better start flossing tonight."
A plugger continues to put a stick-on calendar she got from her bank onto her car's dashboard, even though she has three calendars on her cellphone.
Henrietta Beak is a chicken. She doesn't have teeth. Why is she going to a dentist? She is a chicken!
Leroy spots a sign in a window — "SIGN UP FOR OUR 10K CHALLENGE". He stops to consider it.
"Forget it, Leroy..." says Loretta, tiredly. "'K' is for kilometers, not 'kegs.'"
Ballard Street, 2014-05-05.
Roger is hanging by his hands from a clamp that he has affixed to a door-frame. At his feet a number of other clamps are scattered about. A dog is investigating them.
"Clamps are not a proper area of interest, Roger." says his wife.
Heathcliff, 2014-05-05.
Heathcliff and Garfield stand facing each other on an empty street.
"
Pluggers, 2014-05-05.
Henrietta Beak is sitting in her car.
"Uh oh." she says, looking at the calendar she keeps on the dash. "I forgot I have a dentist appointment Friday. I better start flossing tonight."
A plugger continues to put a stick-on calendar she got from her bank onto her car's dashboard, even though she has three calendars on her cellphone.
Henrietta Beak is a chicken. She doesn't have teeth. Why is she going to a dentist? She is a chicken!
2014-04-30
One-Panel Wednesday: People sure do hate their spouse's mother, right?
The Better Half, 2014-04-24.
"First they told me 2 + 2 + 4." says Stanley. "The they told me 3 + 1 + 4. After that, I lost all faith in our education system." And if he went through school and failed to learn to count then that would be a pretty harsh indictment of at least the school he went to.
Kliban, 2014-04-28.
An igloo is on fire. Several Eskimos form a line and pass blocks of ice forward to throw on the fire.
Snow job.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-29.
Loretta's mother proudly shows off a trophy.
"Tennis?" says Leroy. "I thought it was for quidditch."
He's implying that Loretta's mother is a witch. You see, quidditch is the fictional game played by the wizards and witches in the Harry Potter series, so if she had won a quidditch trophy then she must be a witch. Leroy doesn't like his mother-in-law. That's the joke.
Heathcliff, 2014-04-29.
Heathcliff is spray-painting the word "POOP" onto a wall as a crowd of children watch and cheer.
"His graffiti is kid-friendly." remarks a police officer, making no attempt to stop the vandalism or apprehend the perpetrator.
"First they told me 2 + 2 + 4." says Stanley. "The they told me 3 + 1 + 4. After that, I lost all faith in our education system." And if he went through school and failed to learn to count then that would be a pretty harsh indictment of at least the school he went to.
Kliban, 2014-04-28.
An igloo is on fire. Several Eskimos form a line and pass blocks of ice forward to throw on the fire.
Snow job.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-29.
Loretta's mother proudly shows off a trophy.
"Tennis?" says Leroy. "I thought it was for quidditch."
He's implying that Loretta's mother is a witch. You see, quidditch is the fictional game played by the wizards and witches in the Harry Potter series, so if she had won a quidditch trophy then she must be a witch. Leroy doesn't like his mother-in-law. That's the joke.
Heathcliff, 2014-04-29.
Heathcliff is spray-painting the word "POOP" onto a wall as a crowd of children watch and cheer.
"His graffiti is kid-friendly." remarks a police officer, making no attempt to stop the vandalism or apprehend the perpetrator.
2014-04-16
One-Panel Wednesday: Money Money Money
The Family Circus, 2014-04-14.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
Bil is sitting at his desk. Papers are spread across it and he has a folder labelled Your Tax Guide.
"Look at all these papers and numbers!" says Billy. "Daddy you must REALLY be thinkin'!"
Apparently it's tax time in America. I can tell by the way every fucking comic is about how difficult taxes are. Now, I'm willing to believe that doing your taxes is more of a hassle in America than it is in Australia, because your country is some kind of third-world dystopia, but come the fuck on. Doing your taxes is not some huge ordeal, you just have to fill out some forms. Get over it you gigantic babies.
Oh, and the number of people who actually think that earning more can be a bad thing because you pay more tax is just mind-boggling. There is no way you can earn just enough more that your taxes go up and leave you with less over all. That is just not how it works. Earning more always means ending up with more.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-15.
Loretta is depositing a cheque at the bank. Leroy waits just behind her, next to a man who is presumably there to do some banking and really didn't do anything to provoke conversation.
"We have a joint checking account..." says Leroy. "If I don't keep checking on Loretta, we lose the joint."
Although it could pass for word-play, there is no humour in his delivery and everyone involved is just sad.
Pluggers, 2014-04-16.
Andy is at a take-away pizza restaurant.
"Hmm... let's see now..." he says. "2 small pizzas + 1 large pizza, and 2 small are 1¢ less than 1 large, so I want 2 small pizzas..."
Plugger math.
While this may seem like a ridiculous way to save a single cent, I'm with Andy on this one. Firstly, why shouldn't you save a cent? It's not much, but why not? Secondly, if you order two small pizzas then you can have two different pizzas, whereas a large half-and-half pizza usually costs extra.
The real issue I have with this comic is, how does he know that two smalls are the same as one large? Pizzas are usually measured by diameter so working out the actual area of the pizza is slightly complicated. If a small pizza is 9" and a large is 13" then the large is about 133 in² and the small is about 64 in². That's the sizes of the pizzas at the place I usually order from, but the prices there don't work out as favourably as a large is less than twice the price of a small but actually slightly bigger than two smalls.
And many pizza places don't actually tell you the sizes of their pizzas at all, so I suspect that if the prices work out as Andy claims then the smalls are probably actually significantly less than half as big as the larges. That's not to say that Andy is wrong to buy them though, just not for the reasons he thinks.
Andy is noticeably overweight and probably shouldn't be eating a lot of pizza, so if he does end up getting slightly less this way it will be good for his health, and given that the difference is likely to be quite small he probably won't even notice and will still be just as satisfied with the amount he's eaten as he would be if he had ordered more.
So what I'm saying is, nobody tell Andy that his pizza maths doesn't add up. It's for the best.
2014-04-10
One-Panel Wednesday: Pretending to Read
Ziggy, 2014-04-03.
Ziggy sits in his livingroom, smiling out the window, holding some folded sheets of blank paper like as though they're a newspaper.
"... There he is, right there!" says one mouse to another, pointing at Ziggy. "... Still think I'm superstitious?"
The second mouse is nonplussed.
Evidently Ziggy has been out of his house so much lately that the mice had come to regard him as a myth.
Hazel, 2014-04-04.
George, Dorothy and Hazel are in a shop, near a magazine rack.
"Meet you two back here in ten minutes." says Dorothy.
George picks up a porn magazine.
"Make it twenty!" calls Hazel after Dorothy.
Seriously.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-09.
Loretta comes come carrying several bags.
"What a great day!" she says happily. "I did everything on my to-do list!"
Leroy looks up morosely from the blank sheet of card he's holding as though it were a newspaper.
What is it with newspapers in comic strips being blank? Is it so hard to draw some squiggly lines?
Ziggy sits in his livingroom, smiling out the window, holding some folded sheets of blank paper like as though they're a newspaper.
"... There he is, right there!" says one mouse to another, pointing at Ziggy. "... Still think I'm superstitious?"
The second mouse is nonplussed.
Evidently Ziggy has been out of his house so much lately that the mice had come to regard him as a myth.
Hazel, 2014-04-04.
George, Dorothy and Hazel are in a shop, near a magazine rack.
"Meet you two back here in ten minutes." says Dorothy.
George picks up a porn magazine.
"Make it twenty!" calls Hazel after Dorothy.
Seriously.
The Lockhorns, 2014-04-09.
Loretta comes come carrying several bags.
"What a great day!" she says happily. "I did everything on my to-do list!"
Leroy looks up morosely from the blank sheet of card he's holding as though it were a newspaper.
What is it with newspapers in comic strips being blank? Is it so hard to draw some squiggly lines?
2014-03-19
One-Panel Wednesday: Hey Girl
Sonja and her owners (a man and a woman) stand outside their house watching Heathcliff go by in a dirigible with "HEY GIRL" written on the side. Sonja is clearly delighted.
"You never blimp me any more." says the woman.
A police officer cuffs a man who has just spray-painted "Watch your step" on the wall beside a small step in the middle of a footpath.
"Helpful? Perhaps." says a second officer. "But still illegal."
"Thanks, Dennis." says Margaret as she leaves the Mitchell house. "I had a really nice time."
Dennis turns to his mother and shrugs.
"I must be losin' my touch." he says.
Leroy and Loretta crouch, facing each other, eager grins on their faces as they prepare to leap.
"Last time I ever ask them to hug it out." sighs the marriage counsellor.
"You never blimp me any more." says the woman.
A police officer cuffs a man who has just spray-painted "Watch your step" on the wall beside a small step in the middle of a footpath.
"Helpful? Perhaps." says a second officer. "But still illegal."
"Thanks, Dennis." says Margaret as she leaves the Mitchell house. "I had a really nice time."
Dennis turns to his mother and shrugs.
"I must be losin' my touch." he says.
Leroy and Loretta crouch, facing each other, eager grins on their faces as they prepare to leap.
"Last time I ever ask them to hug it out." sighs the marriage counsellor.
2014-03-05
One-Panel Wednesday: Misery and the Garbage Ape
Smiling happily, Loretta pats Leroy on the stomach.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
2013-11-30
Love and the unloveable
Ziggy opens his front door to find himself on the receiving end of a visit from Homeland Security.
"...but everybody gets email from Nigeria!" he protests.
The DHS agent does not appear to find that very amusing.
Ziggy, 2013-11-25.
The Lockhorns are sitting on a couch.
"You'd lay down your life for me?" asks Loretta, eagerly. "How soon?"
The Lockhorns, 2013-11-25.
Eww, that's disgusting. Don't do that.
"...but everybody gets email from Nigeria!" he protests.
The DHS agent does not appear to find that very amusing.
Ziggy, 2013-11-25.
The Lockhorns are sitting on a couch.
"You'd lay down your life for me?" asks Loretta, eagerly. "How soon?"
The Lockhorns, 2013-11-25.
 |
| Funky Winkerbean, 2013-11-25. |
2013-11-08
Snuggie of ennui
 |
| The Lockhorns, 2013-10-31. |
But it goes the other way too. She hasn't mentioned the party to him. She hasn't talked about her costume. She hasn't asked him about his costume. It hasn't come up in conversation even once.
Now it's the day of the party and she's getting ready, and finally he's remembered. Most people would just try to justify their ordinary clothes as somehow being a costume, but despite everything, Leroy still cares too much to do that, so he desperately searches the house and comes up with a Snuggie. And that's what he's wearing, because going without a costume would just be one step too far and everyone would know that he'd completely given up.
2013-10-08
The Lockhorns
The Lockhorns have decided to redecorate their home. Loretta has gone out, leaving Leroy to paint. Returning home, she discovers Leroy has completed the task.
"I see you painted the walls, a third of the carpet and half of yourself." she comments morosely.
Leroy regards her with a look of great sadness but says nothing. No response is required, it was merely a statement of fact, neither praise nor judgement, no blame or commiseration. The walls may now be a cheerful shade of pink, but no environment can lift the fog of depression and ennui in which they live their lives.
The Lockhorns, 2013-10-07.
"I see you painted the walls, a third of the carpet and half of yourself." she comments morosely.
Leroy regards her with a look of great sadness but says nothing. No response is required, it was merely a statement of fact, neither praise nor judgement, no blame or commiseration. The walls may now be a cheerful shade of pink, but no environment can lift the fog of depression and ennui in which they live their lives.
The Lockhorns, 2013-10-07.
2013-09-22
The Lockhorns
The Lockhorns are at a shop looking at cards. Loretta has one in her hand that reads "With Deepest Sympathy".
"Yes, Leroy," she says, "it's a very moving card... but we're going to a wedding."
Neither of them seem to enjoy the joke though. The attempt to alleviate their ennui has failed dismally.
The Lockhorns, 2013-09-18.
"Yes, Leroy," she says, "it's a very moving card... but we're going to a wedding."
Neither of them seem to enjoy the joke though. The attempt to alleviate their ennui has failed dismally.
The Lockhorns, 2013-09-18.
2013-09-11
2013-07-12
The Lockhorns
Loretta and Leroy are chatting amicably with some people at a party. They're both happy and having a good time.
Comic
Comic
2013-06-09
Explaining The Lockhorns
The lockhorns are leaving the bumper cars at some kind of amusement park, fête or fair.
"How did you manage not to hit a single car?" asks Leroy.
Loretta is annoyed, because the implication is that although she has been unable to intentionally hit others while driving she would normally not have any trouble causing traffic accidents as she is a bad driver.
It's not clear whether this is actually true or not, but Leroy obviously makes this claim with enough regularity that she is easily able to infer such meaning from his statement. Or perhaps she has crashed her car recently and it is this incident to which Leroy refers.
Comic
"How did you manage not to hit a single car?" asks Leroy.
Loretta is annoyed, because the implication is that although she has been unable to intentionally hit others while driving she would normally not have any trouble causing traffic accidents as she is a bad driver.
It's not clear whether this is actually true or not, but Leroy obviously makes this claim with enough regularity that she is easily able to infer such meaning from his statement. Or perhaps she has crashed her car recently and it is this incident to which Leroy refers.
Comic
2013-05-22
Pondering The Lockhorns
 |
| Panel from The Lockhorns, 2013-05-05. |
2013-05-01
The Lockhorns
"Yoo-hoo, Leroy..." calls Loretta. "I hope you don't mind me showing up unannounced."
Sadly, Leroy abandons his attempt to climb out of his office window and leap to his death.
Comic
Sadly, Leroy abandons his attempt to climb out of his office window and leap to his death.
Comic
2013-04-28
The Lockhorns
"I always keep a burnt roast in the freezer in case I feel like eating out." says Loretta, cheerfully showing off the aforementioned item to her guest. The woman clearly regrets her decision to enter the Lockhorns' home and gazes silently at Loretta with undisguised pity and disgust.
Comic
Comic
2013-04-26
The Lockhorns
Leroy comes home with a grin on his face and a pack of fish sticks hanging from a fishing line.
"I still don't believe you went ice fishing." says Loretta.
Comic
"I still don't believe you went ice fishing." says Loretta.
Comic
2013-04-19
The Lockhorns
Loretta is getting her hair styled by a hairdresser. Leroy waits, pretending to read a completely blank magazine.
"It's only right you should pay for it..." says Loretta. "You caused most of the gray hairs."
Leroy glares wrathfully at her. The hairdresser doesn't seem to notice. She seems pretty zoned out.
Comic
"It's only right you should pay for it..." says Loretta. "You caused most of the gray hairs."
Leroy glares wrathfully at her. The hairdresser doesn't seem to notice. She seems pretty zoned out.
Comic
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)