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| Garfield, 2014-09-02. |
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| Crankshaft, 2014-09-02. |
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| Curtis, 2014-09-02. |
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| Safe Havens, 2014-09-03. |
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| Alley Oop, 2014-09-18. |
Showing posts with label Bill Holbrook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bill Holbrook. Show all posts
2014-09-22
Philosophical Phunday: Meaningless Coincidence
Back on the 2nd of September I noticed a weird coincidence in the comics pages. Three of the strips seemed to be thematically linked. First there's Garfield doing a pretty standard Garfield bit.
That Mirror-Garfield talking to Real-Garfield thing is a running joke. Then we have Crankshaft in which we see the old "someone sees something weird and then looks at their drink and says they're never drinking again" joke.
If you've never seen that one before you must have been raised in isolation with no access to television or movies. But then we have the final piece of the puzzle, that links these two strips together.
It's Curtis doing a combination of both those jokes (in a too young to drink way). Weird, right? That's all, I didn't really have a point, it's just something I noticed.
OK, this is the equivalent of a human being terrified of McDonald's because they eat mammals in there! Dodos are not chickens.
Sorry, Alley, I agree with this guy. Your teeth are perfectly straight, your hair is neatly trimmed, your body is strangely hairless. You look nothing like a caveman.
2014-06-16
Melodrama Monday: Bullies are people who hate themselves
This week, Mary Worth met Olive, a little girl who seems to suffer from vivid hallucinations. Mary took her on a tour of the garden and showed her the roses, and Olive saw fairies amongst the flowers.
Mary Worth, 2014-06-11.
"Do you see them? The flower fairies?" asks Olive.
"Sure..." ays Mary, stifling a giggle.
"Flower fairies!" she thinks. "What an imagination this girl has!"
I guess Mary doesn't have much experience with children, because if we, the audience, hadn't been clued in by the art that the girl was hallucinating, here wouldn't seem to be anything remarkable about what that girl said. Kids talk about make-believe stuff all the time.
Combined with the way the fairies are drawn, as though actually in the scene, Mary's ludicrous over-reaction to how incredibly imaginative Olive is leads me to conclude that Olive is actually mentally ill. If this turns into a boring story of a kid who feels neglected by her busy parents I'll be very disappointed.
And the big reveal in Luann, the culmination of Bernice's secret plan with Tiffany...
Bernice got a haircut, then hid it under a wig that looked exactly like her old hair so that she could dramatically remove the wig as part of her graduation speech. That's it. I'm not even going to write this one out, it's too dumb.
In Funky Winkerbean news, Wally and Rachel got married. In the only wedding I've ever seen that could be mistaken for a funeral. And eventually (because of the rain) the ceremony was carried out in Montoni's, because that is literally the only business operating in Westview other than the comic shop.
Funky Winkerbean, 2014-06-14.
"Now, where were we...?" asks the officiant.
"I do!" says Rachel.
"I do too!" Wally replies.
"Done!" says the officiant, understandably eager to be done with this and go somewhere less awful.
"I hope they'll be happy." says Holly.
"I don't see why not..." says Funky, smirking. "They don't call Montoni's 'the wedding chapel of love' for nothing!"
They don't call it that, Funky. No one calls it that.
And in Rex Morgan, Sarah stood up to a bully who then immediately backed down, because that's what happens, right? I don't know how bullies even still exist since all you have to do is stand up to them once and you solve the problem forever.
Rex Morgan, MD, 2014-06-16.
Mrs. Pierpont request to meet Sarah after watching her handle the class bully!
"You handled that pugnacious reprobate quite adroitly, Sarah!" says Mrs Pierpont, presumably in a posh English accent.
"Uh...?" says Sarah.
"Nice job on the way you handled that class bully!" explains Mrs. Pierpont, because it's funny when posh people translate their fancy words into normal-person English.
"Thank you..." says Sarah, "that's what I thought you said."
Sarah actually had no idea, she just always assumes that people are complimenting her.
Safe Havens, 2014-06-16.
Dave and Samantha meet in an airport.
"Happy anniversary!" they yell as they run toward each other.
"Wait." says Dave. "Something's —"
"I know." says Samantha. "Palmtop has a new family, and grandma's ring is on tour with Bambi. For the first time..."
"We're alone!" they say together.
Dave is conspicuously still wearing his "Google Glass device" though, so presumably they're only alone if you don't count all the people watching online.
Mary Worth, 2014-06-11.
"Do you see them? The flower fairies?" asks Olive.
"Sure..." ays Mary, stifling a giggle.
"Flower fairies!" she thinks. "What an imagination this girl has!"
I guess Mary doesn't have much experience with children, because if we, the audience, hadn't been clued in by the art that the girl was hallucinating, here wouldn't seem to be anything remarkable about what that girl said. Kids talk about make-believe stuff all the time.
Combined with the way the fairies are drawn, as though actually in the scene, Mary's ludicrous over-reaction to how incredibly imaginative Olive is leads me to conclude that Olive is actually mentally ill. If this turns into a boring story of a kid who feels neglected by her busy parents I'll be very disappointed.
And the big reveal in Luann, the culmination of Bernice's secret plan with Tiffany...
Bernice got a haircut, then hid it under a wig that looked exactly like her old hair so that she could dramatically remove the wig as part of her graduation speech. That's it. I'm not even going to write this one out, it's too dumb.
In Funky Winkerbean news, Wally and Rachel got married. In the only wedding I've ever seen that could be mistaken for a funeral. And eventually (because of the rain) the ceremony was carried out in Montoni's, because that is literally the only business operating in Westview other than the comic shop.
Funky Winkerbean, 2014-06-14.
"Now, where were we...?" asks the officiant.
"I do!" says Rachel.
"I do too!" Wally replies.
"Done!" says the officiant, understandably eager to be done with this and go somewhere less awful.
"I hope they'll be happy." says Holly.
"I don't see why not..." says Funky, smirking. "They don't call Montoni's 'the wedding chapel of love' for nothing!"
They don't call it that, Funky. No one calls it that.
And in Rex Morgan, Sarah stood up to a bully who then immediately backed down, because that's what happens, right? I don't know how bullies even still exist since all you have to do is stand up to them once and you solve the problem forever.
Rex Morgan, MD, 2014-06-16.
Mrs. Pierpont request to meet Sarah after watching her handle the class bully!
"You handled that pugnacious reprobate quite adroitly, Sarah!" says Mrs Pierpont, presumably in a posh English accent.
"Uh...?" says Sarah.
"Nice job on the way you handled that class bully!" explains Mrs. Pierpont, because it's funny when posh people translate their fancy words into normal-person English.
"Thank you..." says Sarah, "that's what I thought you said."
Sarah actually had no idea, she just always assumes that people are complimenting her.
Safe Havens, 2014-06-16.
Dave and Samantha meet in an airport.
"Happy anniversary!" they yell as they run toward each other.
"Wait." says Dave. "Something's —"
"I know." says Samantha. "Palmtop has a new family, and grandma's ring is on tour with Bambi. For the first time..."
"We're alone!" they say together.
Dave is conspicuously still wearing his "Google Glass device" though, so presumably they're only alone if you don't count all the people watching online.
2014-05-09
Philosophical Friday: Anger, Disgust and Curiosity
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| Nancy, 2014-05-06. |
Turning now to something that horrifies me for completely different reasons, a post on the Something Awful forums recently mentioned the existence of a Kevin & Kell roleplaying game. For those not familiar with Kevin & Kell, consider yourself lucky. This part of the description for the RPG gives some idea of the horror.
A world somewhat like our own, where there are no humans and every animal under the sun is sentient, where predator and prey dance endlessly in a waltz of death, and where the love between a rabbit and a wolf may offer the world's last, best hope.
It's a light-hearted sit-com where people murder each other all the time and the only people who think there's anything wrong with that are considered to be terrorists. But it's OK because none of the main characters get murdered. Some of them do the murdering though. In fact, some of them work for a company that specialises in murder for those who can't be bothered killing their neighbours themselves. And this is just casually mixed in with the usual sort of jokes about tech support and relationships.
So I kind of really want to know what this game is like, but I'm glad it's out of stock, because otherwise I might be tempted to actually buy it, and I'm sure that that would not be a good use of my money.
2014-04-07
Melodrama Monday: Lazy Idiots and Lunacy
Let me tell you about Safe Havens. The protagonist is Samantha, a geneticist. Only when I say "geneticist" I actually mean "wizard". See, she can turn herself and her friends into different animals. She has two dodos that were cloned or something and they sometimes turn into humans for funsies. Her cat sometimes turns into a human as well.
As well as being a geneticist, Samantha is also a RA at the university, and one justification for turning the cat into a human was so that the cat could enrol in classes and eventually take over for her as RA. Can't see any problems with that plan. But then the cat unexpectedly turned back into a cat. This was a while ago. Now it turns out that the merfolk — did I mention the merfolk? One of Sam's friends, Remora, is a mermaid — the merfolk were responsible for the cat being returned to its natural state.
Safe Havens, 2014-04-07.
"Samantha?" says Remora. "The merfolk sent a message that complains of your experiments with our DNA... and that by using it to extend Palmtop's lifespan you 'violated intellectual property rights.'"
"Fine." says Samantha, crossing her arms. "I won't do it again."
The two observe a cloud of bubbles rising from the toilet.
"What now?" demands Samantha.
"They've already reverted her to her 'default setting.'" says Remora with alarm.
"And that's why she changed back into a cat???" screams Samantha.
Continued!
Did I mention that the cat, Palmtop, is actually the clone of a dog named Laptop who is now permanently a human and is married to a normal guy? Or that Remora's husband and son travel everywhere by trapeze, which is never shown to be attached to anything? Or the magic ring Samantha has that lets use mirrors to talk to her dead grandmother?
But you know what the most astounding thing is? This isn't Bill Holbrook's weirdest comic. He writes three daily strips and this one's about half way between the other two. You're not ready for Kevin & Kell. No one is.
So, you remember how Tommie had that baby deer living with them in Apartment 3-G? Well, when I last caught you up she had just decided to drive off to see this vet, Jack Riley, whom she assumed would be willing to help her. Well, she might end up being disappointed but I'm not.
After demanding that Tommie move her car, call him Jack, and help shoe a colt they finally got around to the reason she was there.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-04-05.
"Don't tell me you're one of those idiot animal lovers who try to save everything ?!" asks Jack, pointing at Tommie's face.
"My little fawn isn't a 'thing,' Jack!" says Tommie indignantly. "Her mother was dead in the road — what could I do?"
"That's easy Tommie —" says Jack resignedly. "Walk away!"
It's about time someone called her out on how dumb it was to keep this deer in the flat.
To the other Tommy now, in Mary Worth. Fresh out of jail and back in Santa Royale, Tommy has been looking for a job for at least two days now.
Mary Worth, 2014-04-07.
As Iris and Wilbur finish their lunch...
"Might as well just say it..." thinks Wilbur. And surprisingly it's not about sandwiches.
"Iris..." he says, "be careful. Don't let Tommy take advantage of you."
"What?" demands Iris, angrily.
"You give him money out of pocket..." says Wilbur. "You both live off your savings... and he hasn't found a job yet! This can easily go on forever if you let it!"
Well, Wilbur's right. If Tommy's not employed by the end of the week then he's obviously not trying and should be kicked out to fend for himself. I'm sure he wouldn't be tempted to return to crime and drugs then!
As well as being a geneticist, Samantha is also a RA at the university, and one justification for turning the cat into a human was so that the cat could enrol in classes and eventually take over for her as RA. Can't see any problems with that plan. But then the cat unexpectedly turned back into a cat. This was a while ago. Now it turns out that the merfolk — did I mention the merfolk? One of Sam's friends, Remora, is a mermaid — the merfolk were responsible for the cat being returned to its natural state.
Safe Havens, 2014-04-07.
"Samantha?" says Remora. "The merfolk sent a message that complains of your experiments with our DNA... and that by using it to extend Palmtop's lifespan you 'violated intellectual property rights.'"
"Fine." says Samantha, crossing her arms. "I won't do it again."
The two observe a cloud of bubbles rising from the toilet.
"What now?" demands Samantha.
"They've already reverted her to her 'default setting.'" says Remora with alarm.
"And that's why she changed back into a cat???" screams Samantha.
Continued!
Did I mention that the cat, Palmtop, is actually the clone of a dog named Laptop who is now permanently a human and is married to a normal guy? Or that Remora's husband and son travel everywhere by trapeze, which is never shown to be attached to anything? Or the magic ring Samantha has that lets use mirrors to talk to her dead grandmother?
But you know what the most astounding thing is? This isn't Bill Holbrook's weirdest comic. He writes three daily strips and this one's about half way between the other two. You're not ready for Kevin & Kell. No one is.
So, you remember how Tommie had that baby deer living with them in Apartment 3-G? Well, when I last caught you up she had just decided to drive off to see this vet, Jack Riley, whom she assumed would be willing to help her. Well, she might end up being disappointed but I'm not.
After demanding that Tommie move her car, call him Jack, and help shoe a colt they finally got around to the reason she was there.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-04-05.
"Don't tell me you're one of those idiot animal lovers who try to save everything ?!" asks Jack, pointing at Tommie's face.
"My little fawn isn't a 'thing,' Jack!" says Tommie indignantly. "Her mother was dead in the road — what could I do?"
"That's easy Tommie —" says Jack resignedly. "Walk away!"
It's about time someone called her out on how dumb it was to keep this deer in the flat.
To the other Tommy now, in Mary Worth. Fresh out of jail and back in Santa Royale, Tommy has been looking for a job for at least two days now.
Mary Worth, 2014-04-07.
As Iris and Wilbur finish their lunch...
"Might as well just say it..." thinks Wilbur. And surprisingly it's not about sandwiches.
"Iris..." he says, "be careful. Don't let Tommy take advantage of you."
"What?" demands Iris, angrily.
"You give him money out of pocket..." says Wilbur. "You both live off your savings... and he hasn't found a job yet! This can easily go on forever if you let it!"
Well, Wilbur's right. If Tommy's not employed by the end of the week then he's obviously not trying and should be kicked out to fend for himself. I'm sure he wouldn't be tempted to return to crime and drugs then!
2014-04-04
Philosophical Friday: The inevitability of Death
There's a new PE teacher in Curtis, and his job, he says, is to teach "respect for your body, your health, and your self-esteem", and his method for doing this is apparently to belittle the students, terrorise them, conflate exercise with punishment, and bully them. And it's not just that he is an angry, bullying arsehole, the whole thing is a carefully orchestrated act. And the rest of the staff are all in on it, and presumably they approve. It's not just me, this is pretty weird, right?
Hey, you might not be popular, but don't forget, you're going to die one day! So you've got that going for you. Bill Holbrook's comics are weird.
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| On The FastRack, 2014-03-031. |
2013-12-02
2013-10-08
Safe Havens
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| Safe Havens, 2013-10-07. |
Was it too difficult to draw her rolling her eyes and also have them look like cats' eyes? If so, the obvious solution would be to draw them as cats' eyes and have her convey her exasperation through body language. If that's even what she's supposed to be expressing. I can't really tell. So honestly you could just have given her cats' eyes and left the rest unchanged and it would have worked just as well.
2013-02-28
Safe Havens
"I assumed Ming would wear an outlandish outfit to the Academy Awards." says the talking cat who I think used to be a dog?
"In a way," says Samantha, "she is! Her baby is part of it!"
"Wait." says the cat in alarm. "She's bringing Clay into the Oscars?"
"She's striking a blow for maternal acceptance." says Samantha.
"But..." says the cat, "don't they have a height requirement?"
"Hey, they let in Tom Cruise..." thinks Clay, who is currently in a completely different location with no way of knowing what the cat is saying and is therefore clearly not responding to it. I guess he's just surprised that Tom Cruise was let into the Oscars for some reason. I don't know, it seems pretty reasonable to me, he is a movie star.
Comic
"In a way," says Samantha, "she is! Her baby is part of it!"
"Wait." says the cat in alarm. "She's bringing Clay into the Oscars?"
"She's striking a blow for maternal acceptance." says Samantha.
"But..." says the cat, "don't they have a height requirement?"
"Hey, they let in Tom Cruise..." thinks Clay, who is currently in a completely different location with no way of knowing what the cat is saying and is therefore clearly not responding to it. I guess he's just surprised that Tom Cruise was let into the Oscars for some reason. I don't know, it seems pretty reasonable to me, he is a movie star.
Comic
2012-12-13
2012-11-20
Pondering "On The Fastrack"
No.
Wendy is looking over Dethany's shoulder. She's looking right at the screen. And what she thinks she's seeing is an obstacle course. There is no way the Facebook settings page could possibly be mistaken for an obstacle course.
The only possible explanation is that the first four panels show what is actually happening on Dethany's computer screen. This is how they use the internet in this world. Somehow these obstacles literally represent Facebook privacy settings.
How does anyone use websites in this world? And if you did manage to get to whatever you were looking for, how would you even know? Is jumping over a fence code for setting your profile to public? Do other sites work this way? Do you use Google by having your avatar perform circus tricks?
Or maybe Bill Holbrook just has no idea what he's talking about, how the internet works, or how to construct a joke that makes sense.
2012-09-28
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