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| Garfield, 2014-09-02. |
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| Crankshaft, 2014-09-02. |
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| Curtis, 2014-09-02. |
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| Safe Havens, 2014-09-03. |
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| Alley Oop, 2014-09-18. |
Showing posts with label Safe Havens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Safe Havens. Show all posts
2014-09-22
Philosophical Phunday: Meaningless Coincidence
Back on the 2nd of September I noticed a weird coincidence in the comics pages. Three of the strips seemed to be thematically linked. First there's Garfield doing a pretty standard Garfield bit.
That Mirror-Garfield talking to Real-Garfield thing is a running joke. Then we have Crankshaft in which we see the old "someone sees something weird and then looks at their drink and says they're never drinking again" joke.
If you've never seen that one before you must have been raised in isolation with no access to television or movies. But then we have the final piece of the puzzle, that links these two strips together.
It's Curtis doing a combination of both those jokes (in a too young to drink way). Weird, right? That's all, I didn't really have a point, it's just something I noticed.
OK, this is the equivalent of a human being terrified of McDonald's because they eat mammals in there! Dodos are not chickens.
Sorry, Alley, I agree with this guy. Your teeth are perfectly straight, your hair is neatly trimmed, your body is strangely hairless. You look nothing like a caveman.
2014-06-16
Melodrama Monday: Bullies are people who hate themselves
This week, Mary Worth met Olive, a little girl who seems to suffer from vivid hallucinations. Mary took her on a tour of the garden and showed her the roses, and Olive saw fairies amongst the flowers.
Mary Worth, 2014-06-11.
"Do you see them? The flower fairies?" asks Olive.
"Sure..." ays Mary, stifling a giggle.
"Flower fairies!" she thinks. "What an imagination this girl has!"
I guess Mary doesn't have much experience with children, because if we, the audience, hadn't been clued in by the art that the girl was hallucinating, here wouldn't seem to be anything remarkable about what that girl said. Kids talk about make-believe stuff all the time.
Combined with the way the fairies are drawn, as though actually in the scene, Mary's ludicrous over-reaction to how incredibly imaginative Olive is leads me to conclude that Olive is actually mentally ill. If this turns into a boring story of a kid who feels neglected by her busy parents I'll be very disappointed.
And the big reveal in Luann, the culmination of Bernice's secret plan with Tiffany...
Bernice got a haircut, then hid it under a wig that looked exactly like her old hair so that she could dramatically remove the wig as part of her graduation speech. That's it. I'm not even going to write this one out, it's too dumb.
In Funky Winkerbean news, Wally and Rachel got married. In the only wedding I've ever seen that could be mistaken for a funeral. And eventually (because of the rain) the ceremony was carried out in Montoni's, because that is literally the only business operating in Westview other than the comic shop.
Funky Winkerbean, 2014-06-14.
"Now, where were we...?" asks the officiant.
"I do!" says Rachel.
"I do too!" Wally replies.
"Done!" says the officiant, understandably eager to be done with this and go somewhere less awful.
"I hope they'll be happy." says Holly.
"I don't see why not..." says Funky, smirking. "They don't call Montoni's 'the wedding chapel of love' for nothing!"
They don't call it that, Funky. No one calls it that.
And in Rex Morgan, Sarah stood up to a bully who then immediately backed down, because that's what happens, right? I don't know how bullies even still exist since all you have to do is stand up to them once and you solve the problem forever.
Rex Morgan, MD, 2014-06-16.
Mrs. Pierpont request to meet Sarah after watching her handle the class bully!
"You handled that pugnacious reprobate quite adroitly, Sarah!" says Mrs Pierpont, presumably in a posh English accent.
"Uh...?" says Sarah.
"Nice job on the way you handled that class bully!" explains Mrs. Pierpont, because it's funny when posh people translate their fancy words into normal-person English.
"Thank you..." says Sarah, "that's what I thought you said."
Sarah actually had no idea, she just always assumes that people are complimenting her.
Safe Havens, 2014-06-16.
Dave and Samantha meet in an airport.
"Happy anniversary!" they yell as they run toward each other.
"Wait." says Dave. "Something's —"
"I know." says Samantha. "Palmtop has a new family, and grandma's ring is on tour with Bambi. For the first time..."
"We're alone!" they say together.
Dave is conspicuously still wearing his "Google Glass device" though, so presumably they're only alone if you don't count all the people watching online.
Mary Worth, 2014-06-11.
"Do you see them? The flower fairies?" asks Olive.
"Sure..." ays Mary, stifling a giggle.
"Flower fairies!" she thinks. "What an imagination this girl has!"
I guess Mary doesn't have much experience with children, because if we, the audience, hadn't been clued in by the art that the girl was hallucinating, here wouldn't seem to be anything remarkable about what that girl said. Kids talk about make-believe stuff all the time.
Combined with the way the fairies are drawn, as though actually in the scene, Mary's ludicrous over-reaction to how incredibly imaginative Olive is leads me to conclude that Olive is actually mentally ill. If this turns into a boring story of a kid who feels neglected by her busy parents I'll be very disappointed.
And the big reveal in Luann, the culmination of Bernice's secret plan with Tiffany...
Bernice got a haircut, then hid it under a wig that looked exactly like her old hair so that she could dramatically remove the wig as part of her graduation speech. That's it. I'm not even going to write this one out, it's too dumb.
In Funky Winkerbean news, Wally and Rachel got married. In the only wedding I've ever seen that could be mistaken for a funeral. And eventually (because of the rain) the ceremony was carried out in Montoni's, because that is literally the only business operating in Westview other than the comic shop.
Funky Winkerbean, 2014-06-14.
"Now, where were we...?" asks the officiant.
"I do!" says Rachel.
"I do too!" Wally replies.
"Done!" says the officiant, understandably eager to be done with this and go somewhere less awful.
"I hope they'll be happy." says Holly.
"I don't see why not..." says Funky, smirking. "They don't call Montoni's 'the wedding chapel of love' for nothing!"
They don't call it that, Funky. No one calls it that.
And in Rex Morgan, Sarah stood up to a bully who then immediately backed down, because that's what happens, right? I don't know how bullies even still exist since all you have to do is stand up to them once and you solve the problem forever.
Rex Morgan, MD, 2014-06-16.
Mrs. Pierpont request to meet Sarah after watching her handle the class bully!
"You handled that pugnacious reprobate quite adroitly, Sarah!" says Mrs Pierpont, presumably in a posh English accent.
"Uh...?" says Sarah.
"Nice job on the way you handled that class bully!" explains Mrs. Pierpont, because it's funny when posh people translate their fancy words into normal-person English.
"Thank you..." says Sarah, "that's what I thought you said."
Sarah actually had no idea, she just always assumes that people are complimenting her.
Safe Havens, 2014-06-16.
Dave and Samantha meet in an airport.
"Happy anniversary!" they yell as they run toward each other.
"Wait." says Dave. "Something's —"
"I know." says Samantha. "Palmtop has a new family, and grandma's ring is on tour with Bambi. For the first time..."
"We're alone!" they say together.
Dave is conspicuously still wearing his "Google Glass device" though, so presumably they're only alone if you don't count all the people watching online.
2014-05-29
Sitcom Thursday: Horrific abuses of power
Safe Havens, 2014-05-22.
"Samantha's performing her usual ritual before the lab closes for the summer..." says Rosalind, looking out the window. "...saving the lives of the lab rats by turning them into flowers and planting them outside!"
"More! More!" cry the flowers as Samantha sprinkles something onto them.
"Look, guys." says Samantha. "Someone is gonna notice that this is parmesan cheese..."
The lab rats are sentient, they can speak. They were going to be killed, but instead they were transformed into flowers bymad sorcerer geneticist Samantha Argus. They can still speak, but despite this the university has no problem paving over them, so Sam has to transfer them to her own garden. But then she discovers that when they sneeze (which is a thing they can do) their pollen turns animals into flowers, so she seals them in a glass case for their rest of their lives. Is there any part of this that isn't horrifying?
The Barn, 2014-05-26.
Rory has a desk with a sign on it reading "Rory's Classics". Stan approaches and takes a sheaf of papers from the desk.
"'Gone with the breeze'?" reads Stan.
"Global warming." says Rory.
OK, Ralph Hagen, which part of "more extreme weather conditions" are you having trouble understanding?
Retail, 2014-05-28.
"Lunker did these counts awfully fast, Cooper." says Marla. "Are you sure they're accurate?"
"There are 57 packets in this box..." says Cooper. "Observe."
He dumps the packets onto the ground.
"How many, Lunker?"
"57." says Lunker.
"Why isn't he counting everything?" asks Marla.
"I don't abuse the power of Lunker." says Cooper.
No, seriously though, why isn't he counting everything? How would that in any way be an abuse of power? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-29.
"Whar's Silas, Elviney ?" asks Loweezy.
"He's in th' back of th' store inspectin' the' canned goods !!" says Elviney. "An' between you an' me -- changin' all th' exp'ration dates !!"
Loweezy is horrified.
Well, now everyone in town is going to know and you're going to beput out of business be run out of town by an angry mob. Nice going, Elviney.
"Samantha's performing her usual ritual before the lab closes for the summer..." says Rosalind, looking out the window. "...saving the lives of the lab rats by turning them into flowers and planting them outside!"
"More! More!" cry the flowers as Samantha sprinkles something onto them.
"Look, guys." says Samantha. "Someone is gonna notice that this is parmesan cheese..."
The lab rats are sentient, they can speak. They were going to be killed, but instead they were transformed into flowers by
The Barn, 2014-05-26.
Rory has a desk with a sign on it reading "Rory's Classics". Stan approaches and takes a sheaf of papers from the desk.
"'Gone with the breeze'?" reads Stan.
"Global warming." says Rory.
OK, Ralph Hagen, which part of "more extreme weather conditions" are you having trouble understanding?
Retail, 2014-05-28.
"Lunker did these counts awfully fast, Cooper." says Marla. "Are you sure they're accurate?"
"There are 57 packets in this box..." says Cooper. "Observe."
He dumps the packets onto the ground.
"How many, Lunker?"
"57." says Lunker.
"Why isn't he counting everything?" asks Marla.
"I don't abuse the power of Lunker." says Cooper.
No, seriously though, why isn't he counting everything? How would that in any way be an abuse of power? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-29.
"Whar's Silas, Elviney ?" asks Loweezy.
"He's in th' back of th' store inspectin' the' canned goods !!" says Elviney. "An' between you an' me -- changin' all th' exp'ration dates !!"
Loweezy is horrified.
Well, now everyone in town is going to know and you're going to be
2014-04-07
Melodrama Monday: Lazy Idiots and Lunacy
Let me tell you about Safe Havens. The protagonist is Samantha, a geneticist. Only when I say "geneticist" I actually mean "wizard". See, she can turn herself and her friends into different animals. She has two dodos that were cloned or something and they sometimes turn into humans for funsies. Her cat sometimes turns into a human as well.
As well as being a geneticist, Samantha is also a RA at the university, and one justification for turning the cat into a human was so that the cat could enrol in classes and eventually take over for her as RA. Can't see any problems with that plan. But then the cat unexpectedly turned back into a cat. This was a while ago. Now it turns out that the merfolk — did I mention the merfolk? One of Sam's friends, Remora, is a mermaid — the merfolk were responsible for the cat being returned to its natural state.
Safe Havens, 2014-04-07.
"Samantha?" says Remora. "The merfolk sent a message that complains of your experiments with our DNA... and that by using it to extend Palmtop's lifespan you 'violated intellectual property rights.'"
"Fine." says Samantha, crossing her arms. "I won't do it again."
The two observe a cloud of bubbles rising from the toilet.
"What now?" demands Samantha.
"They've already reverted her to her 'default setting.'" says Remora with alarm.
"And that's why she changed back into a cat???" screams Samantha.
Continued!
Did I mention that the cat, Palmtop, is actually the clone of a dog named Laptop who is now permanently a human and is married to a normal guy? Or that Remora's husband and son travel everywhere by trapeze, which is never shown to be attached to anything? Or the magic ring Samantha has that lets use mirrors to talk to her dead grandmother?
But you know what the most astounding thing is? This isn't Bill Holbrook's weirdest comic. He writes three daily strips and this one's about half way between the other two. You're not ready for Kevin & Kell. No one is.
So, you remember how Tommie had that baby deer living with them in Apartment 3-G? Well, when I last caught you up she had just decided to drive off to see this vet, Jack Riley, whom she assumed would be willing to help her. Well, she might end up being disappointed but I'm not.
After demanding that Tommie move her car, call him Jack, and help shoe a colt they finally got around to the reason she was there.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-04-05.
"Don't tell me you're one of those idiot animal lovers who try to save everything ?!" asks Jack, pointing at Tommie's face.
"My little fawn isn't a 'thing,' Jack!" says Tommie indignantly. "Her mother was dead in the road — what could I do?"
"That's easy Tommie —" says Jack resignedly. "Walk away!"
It's about time someone called her out on how dumb it was to keep this deer in the flat.
To the other Tommy now, in Mary Worth. Fresh out of jail and back in Santa Royale, Tommy has been looking for a job for at least two days now.
Mary Worth, 2014-04-07.
As Iris and Wilbur finish their lunch...
"Might as well just say it..." thinks Wilbur. And surprisingly it's not about sandwiches.
"Iris..." he says, "be careful. Don't let Tommy take advantage of you."
"What?" demands Iris, angrily.
"You give him money out of pocket..." says Wilbur. "You both live off your savings... and he hasn't found a job yet! This can easily go on forever if you let it!"
Well, Wilbur's right. If Tommy's not employed by the end of the week then he's obviously not trying and should be kicked out to fend for himself. I'm sure he wouldn't be tempted to return to crime and drugs then!
As well as being a geneticist, Samantha is also a RA at the university, and one justification for turning the cat into a human was so that the cat could enrol in classes and eventually take over for her as RA. Can't see any problems with that plan. But then the cat unexpectedly turned back into a cat. This was a while ago. Now it turns out that the merfolk — did I mention the merfolk? One of Sam's friends, Remora, is a mermaid — the merfolk were responsible for the cat being returned to its natural state.
Safe Havens, 2014-04-07.
"Samantha?" says Remora. "The merfolk sent a message that complains of your experiments with our DNA... and that by using it to extend Palmtop's lifespan you 'violated intellectual property rights.'"
"Fine." says Samantha, crossing her arms. "I won't do it again."
The two observe a cloud of bubbles rising from the toilet.
"What now?" demands Samantha.
"They've already reverted her to her 'default setting.'" says Remora with alarm.
"And that's why she changed back into a cat???" screams Samantha.
Continued!
Did I mention that the cat, Palmtop, is actually the clone of a dog named Laptop who is now permanently a human and is married to a normal guy? Or that Remora's husband and son travel everywhere by trapeze, which is never shown to be attached to anything? Or the magic ring Samantha has that lets use mirrors to talk to her dead grandmother?
But you know what the most astounding thing is? This isn't Bill Holbrook's weirdest comic. He writes three daily strips and this one's about half way between the other two. You're not ready for Kevin & Kell. No one is.
So, you remember how Tommie had that baby deer living with them in Apartment 3-G? Well, when I last caught you up she had just decided to drive off to see this vet, Jack Riley, whom she assumed would be willing to help her. Well, she might end up being disappointed but I'm not.
After demanding that Tommie move her car, call him Jack, and help shoe a colt they finally got around to the reason she was there.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-04-05.
"Don't tell me you're one of those idiot animal lovers who try to save everything ?!" asks Jack, pointing at Tommie's face.
"My little fawn isn't a 'thing,' Jack!" says Tommie indignantly. "Her mother was dead in the road — what could I do?"
"That's easy Tommie —" says Jack resignedly. "Walk away!"
It's about time someone called her out on how dumb it was to keep this deer in the flat.
To the other Tommy now, in Mary Worth. Fresh out of jail and back in Santa Royale, Tommy has been looking for a job for at least two days now.
Mary Worth, 2014-04-07.
As Iris and Wilbur finish their lunch...
"Might as well just say it..." thinks Wilbur. And surprisingly it's not about sandwiches.
"Iris..." he says, "be careful. Don't let Tommy take advantage of you."
"What?" demands Iris, angrily.
"You give him money out of pocket..." says Wilbur. "You both live off your savings... and he hasn't found a job yet! This can easily go on forever if you let it!"
Well, Wilbur's right. If Tommy's not employed by the end of the week then he's obviously not trying and should be kicked out to fend for himself. I'm sure he wouldn't be tempted to return to crime and drugs then!
2014-02-23
Weekend Workshop: Christ, what an asshole!
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| Based on Arlo and Janis 2014-01-29. |
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| Based on Jane's World 2014-02-11. |
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| Based on Mark Trail 2014-02-15. |
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| Based on Safe Havens 2014-02-17. |
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| Based on Luann 2014-02-19. |
2013-12-02
2013-10-08
Safe Havens
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| Safe Havens, 2013-10-07. |
Was it too difficult to draw her rolling her eyes and also have them look like cats' eyes? If so, the obvious solution would be to draw them as cats' eyes and have her convey her exasperation through body language. If that's even what she's supposed to be expressing. I can't really tell. So honestly you could just have given her cats' eyes and left the rest unchanged and it would have worked just as well.
2013-07-04
Safe Havens
Panel one: Samantha is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Dave is coming down the stairs to the kitchen.
Panel two: Dave pours himself some coffee. Samantha smiles.
Panel three: Dave and Samantha both sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee.
Comic
Panel two: Dave pours himself some coffee. Samantha smiles.
Panel three: Dave and Samantha both sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee.
Comic
2013-02-28
Safe Havens
"I assumed Ming would wear an outlandish outfit to the Academy Awards." says the talking cat who I think used to be a dog?
"In a way," says Samantha, "she is! Her baby is part of it!"
"Wait." says the cat in alarm. "She's bringing Clay into the Oscars?"
"She's striking a blow for maternal acceptance." says Samantha.
"But..." says the cat, "don't they have a height requirement?"
"Hey, they let in Tom Cruise..." thinks Clay, who is currently in a completely different location with no way of knowing what the cat is saying and is therefore clearly not responding to it. I guess he's just surprised that Tom Cruise was let into the Oscars for some reason. I don't know, it seems pretty reasonable to me, he is a movie star.
Comic
"In a way," says Samantha, "she is! Her baby is part of it!"
"Wait." says the cat in alarm. "She's bringing Clay into the Oscars?"
"She's striking a blow for maternal acceptance." says Samantha.
"But..." says the cat, "don't they have a height requirement?"
"Hey, they let in Tom Cruise..." thinks Clay, who is currently in a completely different location with no way of knowing what the cat is saying and is therefore clearly not responding to it. I guess he's just surprised that Tom Cruise was let into the Oscars for some reason. I don't know, it seems pretty reasonable to me, he is a movie star.
Comic
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