Shoe, 2014-05-05.
"Biz, are you wearing your dentures?..." asks Roz.
"No." says Biz.
"Well, let me get you something you can sink your tooth into."
Both of them are birds.
I know I just covered this with Pluggers yesterday, but come on, birds with teeth again?
Hägar the Horrible, 2014-05-06.
"Sir Knight !" call Hägar. "We haven't seen you in ages ! Come sneak up with us on an enemy castle!"
"I've been out of commission for so long I might be a liability!" answers Knight.
"He's right..." says Lucky Eddie, noticing that Knight's armour squeaks when he moves. "He might!"
Given that Knight is wearing full plate armour and a helmet that covers his face, how did Hägar know it was him? And is his name really Sir Knight? Also, he seems pretty cavalier about joining a group of Vikings to attack some castle.
Curtis, 2014-05-08.
"Number one, never take your lady for granted" says Greg.
Curtis listens wearily.
"Number one, give her little gifts for no reason..." continues Greg. "Number one, never have another woman's number saved on your phone..."
Curtis slumps forward.
"Number one, make her feel that without her, your life would be trash"
"We've been at this for two hours, dad!" complains Curtis. "When does this list end?"
"Hey, we're past the halfway mark!" says Greg, smugly.
On no account should you ever make the mistake of thinking of a woman as a human being like yourself. They're more like robots. You just have to know the rules and follow them to get what you want.
Ah, and one of those rules is that you can't have any female friends, apparently. Or colleagues you might need to phone. Not that that should be a problem, because why would you have female friends? As though a man could ever have any reason to associate with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with. Absurd. And as for the work colleague thing, why would you need to phone your secretary? And if you do, just call your own office and she'll answer.
Marvin & Family, 2014-05-08.
"Where are you going, Jeff?" asks Jenny.
"It's a little too close to Mother's Day to answer that question" says Jeff, leaving the house.
"You told Jenny you're Mother's Day shopping?" asks Ted later at the pub.
"I never actually said that" smirks Jeff.
Hey, he might have deliberately deceived her by making a misleading statement, but there's no way anyone could equate that with lying, right? Besides, how is a man supposed to get some time to spend with his friends if he doesn't lie to his nagging wife, right guys?
Wizard of Id, 2014-05-08.
A prisoner hangs by his wrists in the castle dungeon.
"I'll not talk without my lawyer present" he says.
In the second panel a man in a top hat is hanging next to him.
"Thanks a heap, friend!" says the new arrival.
The implication is that the second man is the first man's lawyer, and so he has been arrested as a deliberate misinterpretation of the prisoner's demand.
Showing posts with label Hägar the Horrible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hägar the Horrible. Show all posts
2014-04-11
Sitcom Thursday: Relationship Drama
Beetle Bailey, 2014-04-07.
"Sarge is really mad that Beetle is still in bed" says Pvt. Diller.
"He's going to dump him" says Pvt. Plato.
Sgt. Snorkel kicks Pvt. Bailey's bed, knocking it vertical. Beetle remains in the bed as he has put a large belt around the bed and himself, presumably as a form of protection against this very eventuality.
"It's a good thing he has his seat belt on" remarks Diller.
Well? Don't leave us hanging, Mort Walker. Did Sarge dump Beetle or are they still going out?
Hägar the Horrible, 2014-04-07.
"I sail for England today !!" announces Hägar. "Can I get you something there?"
"Please bring back another wife" says Helga.
Hägar the Polygamist?
B.C. 2014-04-08.
Curls and Peter are sitting on a rock in the middle of a vast expanse of water.
"What?" says Curls, confrontationally.
"This is why we don't go mountain climbing during the spring thaw!" says Peter.
Surely the top of a mountain is the only safe place to be if the water level has risen that high?
Henry, 2014-04-10.
Henry sees an advertisement for some "pure vegetable egg-dye" for colouring Easter eggs. After making up the dye he feeds it to a hen in the hopes that the eggs laid by that hen will be colourful.
"Sarge is really mad that Beetle is still in bed" says Pvt. Diller.
"He's going to dump him" says Pvt. Plato.
Sgt. Snorkel kicks Pvt. Bailey's bed, knocking it vertical. Beetle remains in the bed as he has put a large belt around the bed and himself, presumably as a form of protection against this very eventuality.
"It's a good thing he has his seat belt on" remarks Diller.
Well? Don't leave us hanging, Mort Walker. Did Sarge dump Beetle or are they still going out?
Hägar the Horrible, 2014-04-07.
"I sail for England today !!" announces Hägar. "Can I get you something there?"
"Please bring back another wife" says Helga.
Hägar the Polygamist?
B.C. 2014-04-08.
Curls and Peter are sitting on a rock in the middle of a vast expanse of water.
"What?" says Curls, confrontationally.
"This is why we don't go mountain climbing during the spring thaw!" says Peter.
Surely the top of a mountain is the only safe place to be if the water level has risen that high?
Henry, 2014-04-10.
Henry sees an advertisement for some "pure vegetable egg-dye" for colouring Easter eggs. After making up the dye he feeds it to a hen in the hopes that the eggs laid by that hen will be colourful.
2014-03-28
Philosophical Friday: Leave Mimes Alone
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| Brewster Rockit: Space Guy! 2014-03-25. |
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| Todd the Dinosaur, 2014-03-28. |
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| Hägar the Horrible, 2014-03-27. |
I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just something that struck me.
2014-02-27
Sitcom Thursday: Beer or Wine?
A man in a brown suit strides pompously into Jack's bar waving a fistful of money.
"I had a big win on the horses." he declares. "Cocktails all round, Jack!"
"Coming up" replies Jack, fetching the drinks.
"What's this?" asks the brown-suited man.
"Jack's idea of a cocktail" replies Andy.
"A pint of beer with a little umbrella in it" clarifies Chalky.
But really, what was he expecting just asking for "a cocktail" rather than a particular drink?
Mrs. Halftrack answers a knock at the door to find Lt. Fuzz standing there.
"Why, Lt. Fuzz!" she says. "What a surprise to see you on a Saturday! Amos will be so sorry to have missed you"
Meanwhile, Amos has hidden behind the couch, spilling his wine in his haste. The big surprise though is that he's actually drinking it from a glass rather than straight from the bottle.
"I swear I shall never, ever drink the fruit of the vine!" says Hägar.
"Unless you run out of beer" corrects Helga.
Given that Hägar had a beer in his hand the whole time, it's really not clear what point he was trying to make. Maybe he just doesn't like wine?
"I had a big win on the horses." he declares. "Cocktails all round, Jack!"
"Coming up" replies Jack, fetching the drinks.
"What's this?" asks the brown-suited man.
"Jack's idea of a cocktail" replies Andy.
"A pint of beer with a little umbrella in it" clarifies Chalky.
But really, what was he expecting just asking for "a cocktail" rather than a particular drink?
Mrs. Halftrack answers a knock at the door to find Lt. Fuzz standing there.
"Why, Lt. Fuzz!" she says. "What a surprise to see you on a Saturday! Amos will be so sorry to have missed you"
Meanwhile, Amos has hidden behind the couch, spilling his wine in his haste. The big surprise though is that he's actually drinking it from a glass rather than straight from the bottle.
"I swear I shall never, ever drink the fruit of the vine!" says Hägar.
"Unless you run out of beer" corrects Helga.
Given that Hägar had a beer in his hand the whole time, it's really not clear what point he was trying to make. Maybe he just doesn't like wine?
2013-12-02
Celebrate the apocalypse
A woman is showing her friend her survival bunker.
"You can see I'm prepped for ANY future disaster! I won't run out of staples." she says, pointing out shelves of water and rice.
"Or dates for Friday nights!" she adds, showing off the stasis room in which she is holding captive a large number of men.
Six Chix, 2013-11-30.
Hazel is bringing a piece of cake to George, who is watching the gridiron on television. Hazel's attention is diverted by what's going on on the screen.
"Touchdown!" she yells, accidentally throwing the cake at George's head.
Hazel, 2013-11-30.
Good question, Hägar. Are these Vikings celebrating American thanksgiving? If so, what's with the hats? And what are they singing?
"You can see I'm prepped for ANY future disaster! I won't run out of staples." she says, pointing out shelves of water and rice.
"Or dates for Friday nights!" she adds, showing off the stasis room in which she is holding captive a large number of men.
Six Chix, 2013-11-30.
Hazel is bringing a piece of cake to George, who is watching the gridiron on television. Hazel's attention is diverted by what's going on on the screen.
"Touchdown!" she yells, accidentally throwing the cake at George's head.
Hazel, 2013-11-30.
2013-09-28
Hägar the Horrible
"I must say, you look terrible, Hagar!" says the doctor.
"I feel terrible, doctor!" says Hägar, and it's easy to see why. His face is bruised, his clothes are torn, his helmet is dented and he has an arrow sticking out of his chest.
"Hmmmmm" ponders the doctor. "Are you getting at least 8 hours of sleep nightly ?"
It's funny because you'd expect a doctor to be better at working out what is wrong with his patient and the injuries Hägar has sustained are quite obvious.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-09-24.
"I feel terrible, doctor!" says Hägar, and it's easy to see why. His face is bruised, his clothes are torn, his helmet is dented and he has an arrow sticking out of his chest.
"Hmmmmm" ponders the doctor. "Are you getting at least 8 hours of sleep nightly ?"
It's funny because you'd expect a doctor to be better at working out what is wrong with his patient and the injuries Hägar has sustained are quite obvious.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-09-24.
2013-09-23
Hägar the Horrible
"This is it, stranger !!" says Hägar. "I'm going to pound you, slash you, kick you and toss you in the river!!"
"I'd rather you wouldn't, old chap..." says the knight whom Hägar has just threatened.
Hägar turns to the audience.
"Why do I always feel intimidated when I talk to a Frenchman ?" he asks.
Something of a non-sequitur given that the man he was just speaking to was clearly English.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-09-18.
"I'd rather you wouldn't, old chap..." says the knight whom Hägar has just threatened.
Hägar turns to the audience.
"Why do I always feel intimidated when I talk to a Frenchman ?" he asks.
Something of a non-sequitur given that the man he was just speaking to was clearly English.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-09-18.
2013-08-31
Hägar the Horrible
Hägar believes that the ducks he sees flying over his land every year belong to Attila the Hun. He says he can tell this because they seem to know he is their enemy. The Viking age was the period from the 790s until the Norman conquest of England in 1066. Attila the Hun was the ruler of the Huns from 434 until his death in 453. Why Hägar believes a man long-dead is his enemy and has trained ducks to harass him is a mystery.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-08-27.
Hägar the Horrible, 2013-08-27.
2013-07-27
Pondering Hägar the Horrible
2013-05-14
Hägar the Horrible
"What's the navigator trying to say?" asks Hägar.
"I'm not sure..." replies Lucky Eddie. "...But I guess it's something like... 'we're all doomed!'"
Hägar and his crew are on their boat, which is sitting in a puddle at the top of cliff.
Comic
"I'm not sure..." replies Lucky Eddie. "...But I guess it's something like... 'we're all doomed!'"
Hägar and his crew are on their boat, which is sitting in a puddle at the top of cliff.
Comic
2013-05-10
Hägar the Horrible
"What's for dinner, Lucky Eddie?" asks Hägar.
"Seafood" says Eddie.
"Why do I keep asking?" wonders Hägar.
"Seafood" says Eddie.
"Why do I keep asking?" wonders Hägar.
2013-04-21
2013-03-31
Hägar the Horrible
"Helga, will you throw me a rope?" calls Hägar.
"What's wrong?" asks Helga.
"Obviously the spring thaw has arrived" says Hägar cryptically.
Helga goes outside to find out what the problem is only to discover that Hägar is buried to his shoulders in the grassy ground in front of their house.
Comic
"What's wrong?" asks Helga.
"Obviously the spring thaw has arrived" says Hägar cryptically.
Helga goes outside to find out what the problem is only to discover that Hägar is buried to his shoulders in the grassy ground in front of their house.
Comic
2013-03-26
2012-07-18
Hägar the Horrible
"I know they say it's bad luck to have a woman aboard ship..." says Lucky Eddie, "but who cares about a little bad luck?!"
Hägar, Eddie and the other Vikings grin at the helpless woman standing before them as they prepare to take her aboard their boat.
Comic
Hägar, Eddie and the other Vikings grin at the helpless woman standing before them as they prepare to take her aboard their boat.
Comic
2012-04-20
Hägar the Horrible
"Pow!"
With a mighty bound, Hägar leaps over his terrified dog.
"Bam!"
The force of Hägar's landing sloshes some water from the wine glass on the table in front of him. With a grin he takes his seat and surveys the meal of indeterminate beige lumps before him.
"With his sense of smell..." Helga says to no one in particular, as she stares off into space, while behind her Hägar greedily devours the food, "...I never have to say 'Dinner is served'!!"
Is this a source of pride or vexation for Helga? Her expression seems neutral, perhaps it is just a fact that she feels compelled to announce to the world at large, of no particular importance.
Comic
With a mighty bound, Hägar leaps over his terrified dog.
"Bam!"
The force of Hägar's landing sloshes some water from the wine glass on the table in front of him. With a grin he takes his seat and surveys the meal of indeterminate beige lumps before him.
"With his sense of smell..." Helga says to no one in particular, as she stares off into space, while behind her Hägar greedily devours the food, "...I never have to say 'Dinner is served'!!"
Is this a source of pride or vexation for Helga? Her expression seems neutral, perhaps it is just a fact that she feels compelled to announce to the world at large, of no particular importance.
Comic
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