Shoe, 2014-05-05.
"Biz, are you wearing your dentures?..." asks Roz.
"No." says Biz.
"Well, let me get you something you can sink your tooth into."
Both of them are birds.
I know I just covered this with Pluggers yesterday, but come on, birds with teeth again?
Hägar the Horrible, 2014-05-06.
"Sir Knight !" call Hägar. "We haven't seen you in ages ! Come sneak up with us on an enemy castle!"
"I've been out of commission for so long I might be a liability!" answers Knight.
"He's right..." says Lucky Eddie, noticing that Knight's armour squeaks when he moves. "He might!"
Given that Knight is wearing full plate armour and a helmet that covers his face, how did Hägar know it was him? And is his name really Sir Knight? Also, he seems pretty cavalier about joining a group of Vikings to attack some castle.
Curtis, 2014-05-08.
"Number one, never take your lady for granted" says Greg.
Curtis listens wearily.
"Number one, give her little gifts for no reason..." continues Greg. "Number one, never have another woman's number saved on your phone..."
Curtis slumps forward.
"Number one, make her feel that without her, your life would be trash"
"We've been at this for two hours, dad!" complains Curtis. "When does this list end?"
"Hey, we're past the halfway mark!" says Greg, smugly.
On no account should you ever make the mistake of thinking of a woman as a human being like yourself. They're more like robots. You just have to know the rules and follow them to get what you want.
Ah, and one of those rules is that you can't have any female friends, apparently. Or colleagues you might need to phone. Not that that should be a problem, because why would you have female friends? As though a man could ever have any reason to associate with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with. Absurd. And as for the work colleague thing, why would you need to phone your secretary? And if you do, just call your own office and she'll answer.
Marvin & Family, 2014-05-08.
"Where are you going, Jeff?" asks Jenny.
"It's a little too close to Mother's Day to answer that question" says Jeff, leaving the house.
"You told Jenny you're Mother's Day shopping?" asks Ted later at the pub.
"I never actually said that" smirks Jeff.
Hey, he might have deliberately deceived her by making a misleading statement, but there's no way anyone could equate that with lying, right? Besides, how is a man supposed to get some time to spend with his friends if he doesn't lie to his nagging wife, right guys?
Wizard of Id, 2014-05-08.
A prisoner hangs by his wrists in the castle dungeon.
"I'll not talk without my lawyer present" he says.
In the second panel a man in a top hat is hanging next to him.
"Thanks a heap, friend!" says the new arrival.
The implication is that the second man is the first man's lawyer, and so he has been arrested as a deliberate misinterpretation of the prisoner's demand.
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