Big cities or young people, which is worse?

If you haven't been reading Mary Worth lately, you're really missing out. It's not quite at Aldo Kelrast levels but it's been pretty great. Allow me to set the scene. Mary Worth went to see an old friend in New York City, but something came up and so Mary has a bit of time to kill by herself, so she's gone for a walk in Central Park. But you know what big cities are like. They're full of young people for a start, and what do we know about young people? They're all criminals and drug users with no respect for their elders!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-18.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-19

Damn kids! Always up to no good, sneaking around and shoving innocent old ladies!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-20.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-21.

But this young hooligan clearly didn't realise who he was messing with! Mary Worth isn't going to lose bag without a fight!

Mary Worth, 2013-11-22.

Mary Worth, 2013-11-23.

And just as all seems lost, who should appear but a reassuringly old man, The young mugger clearly can't stand up to both of them, so he runs away. Young people are kind of like wild animals, you just have to stand your ground and make a lot of noise and they'll back off. They're more scared of you than you are of them.

And once again we learn the valuable lesson that old people are kind and helpful and young people are dangerous and not to be trusted. Thank you, Mary Worth!

A sense of propriety

The doorbell rings while Henry is wearing his underwear, but he goes to answer it anyway. It's the postman.
"Morning, Henry!" says the postman. "Here's a letter from Henrietta!"
In a sudden panic, Henry turns and runs back upstairs. He returns a moment later, fully dressed, to collect the letter.

Henry, 2013-11-20.

Golf jokes and hamster gangs

A police officer and a woman watch as Heathcliff, encased in a hamster ball, chases a number of smaller hamster balls down the street, each of which contains a hamster.
"He's going after that hamster gang." says the police officer.

Heathcliff, 2013-11-19.

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Todd the Dinosaur, 2013-11-19.

So, Trent answered the door, met Al Gore, found out that Gore was there to see Todd, and then just shut the door in his face and went to tell Todd about it? Rude.

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Henry visits a driving range where they are offering a deal where you can hit a bucket of golf balls for 50 cents. He approaches the staff member at the counter and pays for a bucket. Taking his place at the range, he places the bucket before himself and strikes it with a golf club. You see, he hit the bucket rather than taking the balls out and hitting them individually, following the directions literally rather than doing what was expected.

Henry, 2013-11-19.

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Sgt. Snorkel has a sign up beside his desk which simply reads "THINK". Beetle paints over the K, and before the sergeant can react he turns and leaves, pausing only to remark "Now you've got something to think about".

Beetle Bailey, 2013-11-19.

Software updates

Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog, 2013-11-14.

In this universe, robots are sentient artificial intelligences who are bought and sold and forced to work for no pay. They're electronic slaves. But that's just the basic premise of the comic, I haven't gotten to what makes today's strip so crazy yet.

Here's the thing — there are software updates that modify the personalities of these robots. These sentient robots with complex thoughts and emotions. They're people. They're people being held as slaves and who have their personalities rewritten on the whims of their owners.

This comic is pretty dark.

Lunchtime

Heathcliff is sitting next to a hard-hatted construction worker. Each of them has a lunchbox. The construction worker is eating a sandwich. Heathcliff's sandwich has wings and is flying away.

"I prefer whole wheat bread." says the construction worker.

Heathcliff, 2013-11-09.