It's pretty easy to tell chocolate and Vegemite apart

Heathcliff discovers an abnormally large mouse-hole in the wall and sticks his head in to see what's going on. He finds two adult mice standing behind a younger mouse. One of the adults is wearing an apron and a bow, the child is wearing a gi, the other mouse is naked.

The child takes a fighting stance.
"Watch out -" says the naked mouse. "He's  an orange belt."

Heathcliff slowly backs away and resolves never to speak of or think about what he has just witnessed.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-13.

---

Ginger Meggs, 2013-12-13.

I don't think this would work. Firstly, Vegemite's darker than most chocolate, and secondly you'd notice when you tried to pick it up that it wasn't solid.

---

"Look, mister Capp, this can't go on." says the doctor. "You're going to have to stop drinking."
"Why, doc?" asks Andy.
"Because I'm trying to examine you" says the doctor.

You thought the doctor was advising him to cut alcohol consumption from his life, but actually Andy was just drinking a beer while he was at the doctor's surgery and the doctor found it inconvenient.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-13.

---

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-12-13.

Grimm: Most punchable character in comics? It's a hard call, but he's up there.

---

Apartment 3-G, 2013-12-13.

What, you wanted some information about your father's condition? Ha, no. Shut up.

All of today's comics share a single punchline

Nancy, 2013-12-12.

Paying orphans sub-standard wages to scrub floors. Sure, that sounds like Christian charity to me. Or a return to 19th century labour practices. Either or.

---

Heathcliff, like Batman, has a car designed to suit his theme — that theme being Heathcliff. Unlike Batman, Heathcliff uses his car to go to the shops to buy milk rather than to fight crime.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-12.

---

"Oh, doctor." calls Flo. "Just the person. Can I ask your advice? I've got this terrible irritating pain and I'm not sure what to do"
"Where is the pain?" asks the Doctor, totally unaware that he's walking right into a real knee-slapper.
"He's at home" says Flo.

She means Andy, you see. She's not in pain, she's saying that Andy is a pain. That's the joke.

Andy Capp, 2013-12-12.

---

I'm dog-sitting for my neighbors while they're out of town." says Fitch.
"Cool." says Dustin, patting the dog on the head.
"But Charlie has fleas. Yesterday I found one on my ankle."
Dustin immediately stops patting the dog.
"So go to the pet store and buy a flea collar." he says.
"I did that." says Fitch, "But it made my neck itch."

You'd expect him to have put the flea collar on the dog, but actually he tried it on himself. It's funny because it confounds our expectations.

Dustin, 2013-12-12.

---

Based on the 1946-11-04 The Phantom strip. The last sentence of the first dialogue balloon serves as an alternate punchline for every one of the other comics featured today.

Christmas che- oh wait, it's Crankshaft

A tortoise has put a bent piece of corrugated iron on top of his shell.
"I'll never understand you..." remarks a bird.
"I like the sound it makes when it rains." explains the tortoise.

B.C., 2013-12-11.

---

Crankshaft, 2013-12-11.

So, they should both be fired.

---

Mary Worth, 2013-12-11.

You know what I like best about black-and-white photography? The colours.

Technically an improvement

Gil, 2013-12-10.

Given that the outcome of Snakes and Ladders is determined entirely by dice roll and there is no element of skill to it at all, you could really save a lot of time and tedium by just rolling the die once each and declaring the person who rolled highest the winner.

Of course, Gil's modification does make the game take less time, so it is still an improvement over the standard game. He really should get his mother to buy him some decent board games though. I bet he would be totally into Lords of Waterdeep, and his mother would probably approve since it's not a video-game.

A reasonable explanation

Heathcliff is sitting on the doorstep next to a large trophy. He has a big white beard. A neighbour looking over the fence notices Heathcliff and is confused.
"Competitive bearding." explains a boy.

Heathcliff, 2013-12-09.