The Born Loser, 2014-09-23.
"I'm an eternal optimist. A glass-half-full type of person!" says Brutus's co-worker. "How about you, Thorny— are you a glass-half-full or half-empty guy?"
"I'm the born loser, so I'm a glass-completely-empty type of guy." says Brutus.
Is it just me or is it really weird how this comic has its protagonist just come right out and acknowledge his role in it? And this isn't an isolated thing either, he does it all the time. He is "the born loser" and he knows it. Not merely a born loser, the. And it isn't even necessary to the joke, you can remove the words "I'm the born loser, so" and it works just as well. It's more obviously fourth-wall breaking than anything Ted Forth has ever done.
Beetle Bailey, 2014-09-23.
"Can you take this truck to the dump, Zero?" asks Sgt. Snorkel.
"Okay, Sarge" says Pvt. Zero.
Some time later Zero returns with the ute still loaded full of garbage.
"I'm back from the dump, Sarge" he says. "Where do you want me to take it now?"
With that instruction I'd expect Zero to return on a bus, having left the ute behind.
Curtis, 2014-09-23.
"Did any of you children read during the summer vacation ?" asks Mrs Nelson.
"I did, Mrs. Nelson !" says Curtis. "'Vampire Feast,' 'The Thing From the Deep' and 'Mutant Zombie Landlord'!"
Mrs Nelson glares at him.
"Hey, they had a front cover, back cover and pages in between ! Technically that's a book !!"
I'm with Curtis on this. He's constantly getting flack for reading comics, despite the fact that he's apparently the only student in his class who reads any kind of book at all. It's pretty shitty to criticise him for it.
One Big Happy, 2014-09-24.
"Library lady, these tomatoes are for you. My grandpa grew them!" says Ruthie.
"Why, thank you, Ruthie!" says the library lady. "They're beautiful! Thank your grandpa for me, will you?
"Yes'm."
The library lady takes the tomatoes and begins to leave. James follows her.
"No, James, it's not going to happen."
"I sure enjoy seein' a hefty gal eat!" says James.
The library lady grimaces.
"I know, I know."
Well, that sure is creepy.
2014-09-26
2014-09-24
Action Tuesday: *For the ghost who is about to kick some arse.
Spider-Man was feeling pretty good about himself after outwitting a man known for being dumb, and decided to push his luck by trying to sneak into Doc Ock's lab. For some reason he felt pretty confident that Octavius wouldn't be expecting him, but it turned out that Octavius totally was expecting him.
The Amazing Spider-Man, 2014-09-19.
"Gotta find out what Doc Ock's planning." thinks Spider-Man as he creeps through the lab. "My Spider Sense is tingling — but that's probably just because Ock's nearby..."
Unseen by Spidey, a metal tentacle snakes around a console and FLIKs a switch.
"ARRRGG" yells Spidey as the floor he's standing on becomes electrified.
ZZRRAPPT
Turns out Doc Ock is planning to hold the city to ransom with his earthquake machine. No surprise there.
The Bozz of Time is about to send Mandrake home, but Mandrake somehow knows that he's been noticed missing in the present (even though there is no way he could know that).
Mandrake the Magician, 2014-09-23.
"If you move me back in time-- just before you kidnapped me-- and don't do it--" says Mandrake, "-- then I won't vanish-- my friends won't worry--"
"Clever, ancestor." says the Bozz. "No-- even I, ruler of time, cannot change the past."
OK, never mind the fact that being "ruler of time" doesn't really seem to mean anything if you can't change the past, what about kidnapping Mandrake in the first place? Was that not changing the past? It seemed like changing the past to me.
The Phantom (Sunday), 2014-09-21.
Jungle scouts! Kidnapped by those who would turn them into guerrillas!
"There's going to be a test later!" says one of the kidnappers.
"Test?" asks a jungle scout.
"Your first firefight, stupid! If you survive, you pass! Try not to flunk out!"
He picks up a rifle and takes aim.
"Okay! Moving on! Sniper's rifle! Sight your enemy through the scope! Like this!"
Suddenly the face of the Phantom appears in his crosshairs. He lowers the rifle.
"Who the... !? I could... swear I... saw..."
He looks through the scope again. Nothing. Just jungle foliage. He lowers the rifle again, visibly shaken. The jungle scouts begin whispering amongst themselves.
"Do you think he saw...?
"You know who!?"
"Yeah! I do!"
The daily Phantom is often boring and dumb, but the Sunday ones rarely disappoint.
The Amazing Spider-Man, 2014-09-19.
"Gotta find out what Doc Ock's planning." thinks Spider-Man as he creeps through the lab. "My Spider Sense is tingling — but that's probably just because Ock's nearby..."
Unseen by Spidey, a metal tentacle snakes around a console and FLIKs a switch.
"ARRRGG" yells Spidey as the floor he's standing on becomes electrified.
ZZRRAPPT
Turns out Doc Ock is planning to hold the city to ransom with his earthquake machine. No surprise there.
The Bozz of Time is about to send Mandrake home, but Mandrake somehow knows that he's been noticed missing in the present (even though there is no way he could know that).
Mandrake the Magician, 2014-09-23.
"If you move me back in time-- just before you kidnapped me-- and don't do it--" says Mandrake, "-- then I won't vanish-- my friends won't worry--"
"Clever, ancestor." says the Bozz. "No-- even I, ruler of time, cannot change the past."
OK, never mind the fact that being "ruler of time" doesn't really seem to mean anything if you can't change the past, what about kidnapping Mandrake in the first place? Was that not changing the past? It seemed like changing the past to me.
The Phantom (Sunday), 2014-09-21.
Jungle scouts! Kidnapped by those who would turn them into guerrillas!
"There's going to be a test later!" says one of the kidnappers.
"Test?" asks a jungle scout.
"Your first firefight, stupid! If you survive, you pass! Try not to flunk out!"
He picks up a rifle and takes aim.
"Okay! Moving on! Sniper's rifle! Sight your enemy through the scope! Like this!"
Suddenly the face of the Phantom appears in his crosshairs. He lowers the rifle.
"Who the... !? I could... swear I... saw..."
He looks through the scope again. Nothing. Just jungle foliage. He lowers the rifle again, visibly shaken. The jungle scouts begin whispering amongst themselves.
"Do you think he saw...?
"You know who!?"
"Yeah! I do!"
The daily Phantom is often boring and dumb, but the Sunday ones rarely disappoint.
2014-09-23
Melodrama Monday: Endless Tedium
For Better or For Worse, 2014-09-22.
"Michael, you left your socks on the floor again!" screeches Lynn. "Michael, do you hear me?"
Michael's voice can be heard upstairs but it's not clear whether he's responding to her or something else.
"Are you listening?" she yells, starting to climb the stairs.
Michael still seems to be talking, but it increasingly clear that he is not talking to her. She reaches the door to his bedroom to find him singing along to the music he's listening to through headphones while studying. She is enraged at his rudeness.
This is why we don't yell at each other across the house, children. Find the person you want to speak to and get their attention, then you'll know they're listening. You just know Lynn's complained about the kids doing this exact thing, too.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-09-22.
Later that night...
"You said you wanted to talk to me, Jack." says Carol.
"I do, Carol." says Jack. "I'm just not sure where to start."
"Take your time — I'll wait." says Carol.
No, Jack! No! Do not take your time! You have taken too much time already! Why won't this end?
It seems it was all the way back in July when I last mentioned Rex Morgan, so you may have forgotten/not cared what was going on. I'll recap. Sarah Morgan, a small child, has been hired to illustrate a book. Dolly Pierpont, a fabulously wealthy former criminal has taken Sarah under her wing. Now Dolly has brought Sarah and Kelly (Sarah's babysitter) to a run-down warehouse to meet Rene Belluso, an artist who works for her. The Morgans are totally fine with all of this and even know about Dolly's criminal past. Just excellent parenting there.
Rex Morgan, 2014-09-16.
"That painting is called 'Sailing the Catboat'!" says Dolly. "The original is by Winslow Homer!"
"I've heard of him..." says Kelly, "a famous American painter!"
"But why do you paint someone else's painting, Mr. Belluso?" asks Sarah.
"Because I've tried poverty and it's highly overrated!" says Rene.
So obviously Dolly is going to trick Sarah into becoming an art forger, right? Nope! Rene used to be an art forger but now he sells his paintings as reproductions, it's completely legit and his role here is just to give Sarah art lessons. Kelly is going to give Dolly a makeover though, so that could be entertaining, possibly.
"Michael, you left your socks on the floor again!" screeches Lynn. "Michael, do you hear me?"
Michael's voice can be heard upstairs but it's not clear whether he's responding to her or something else.
"Are you listening?" she yells, starting to climb the stairs.
Michael still seems to be talking, but it increasingly clear that he is not talking to her. She reaches the door to his bedroom to find him singing along to the music he's listening to through headphones while studying. She is enraged at his rudeness.
This is why we don't yell at each other across the house, children. Find the person you want to speak to and get their attention, then you'll know they're listening. You just know Lynn's complained about the kids doing this exact thing, too.
Apartment 3-G, 2014-09-22.
Later that night...
"You said you wanted to talk to me, Jack." says Carol.
"I do, Carol." says Jack. "I'm just not sure where to start."
"Take your time — I'll wait." says Carol.
No, Jack! No! Do not take your time! You have taken too much time already! Why won't this end?
It seems it was all the way back in July when I last mentioned Rex Morgan, so you may have forgotten/not cared what was going on. I'll recap. Sarah Morgan, a small child, has been hired to illustrate a book. Dolly Pierpont, a fabulously wealthy former criminal has taken Sarah under her wing. Now Dolly has brought Sarah and Kelly (Sarah's babysitter) to a run-down warehouse to meet Rene Belluso, an artist who works for her. The Morgans are totally fine with all of this and even know about Dolly's criminal past. Just excellent parenting there.
Rex Morgan, 2014-09-16.
"That painting is called 'Sailing the Catboat'!" says Dolly. "The original is by Winslow Homer!"
"I've heard of him..." says Kelly, "a famous American painter!"
"But why do you paint someone else's painting, Mr. Belluso?" asks Sarah.
"Because I've tried poverty and it's highly overrated!" says Rene.
So obviously Dolly is going to trick Sarah into becoming an art forger, right? Nope! Rene used to be an art forger but now he sells his paintings as reproductions, it's completely legit and his role here is just to give Sarah art lessons. Kelly is going to give Dolly a makeover though, so that could be entertaining, possibly.
2014-09-22
Philosophical Phunday: Meaningless Coincidence
Back on the 2nd of September I noticed a weird coincidence in the comics pages. Three of the strips seemed to be thematically linked. First there's Garfield doing a pretty standard Garfield bit.
That Mirror-Garfield talking to Real-Garfield thing is a running joke. Then we have Crankshaft in which we see the old "someone sees something weird and then looks at their drink and says they're never drinking again" joke.
If you've never seen that one before you must have been raised in isolation with no access to television or movies. But then we have the final piece of the puzzle, that links these two strips together.
It's Curtis doing a combination of both those jokes (in a too young to drink way). Weird, right? That's all, I didn't really have a point, it's just something I noticed.
OK, this is the equivalent of a human being terrified of McDonald's because they eat mammals in there! Dodos are not chickens.
Sorry, Alley, I agree with this guy. Your teeth are perfectly straight, your hair is neatly trimmed, your body is strangely hairless. You look nothing like a caveman.
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| Garfield, 2014-09-02. |
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| Crankshaft, 2014-09-02. |
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| Curtis, 2014-09-02. |
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| Safe Havens, 2014-09-03. |
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| Alley Oop, 2014-09-18. |
2014-09-19
Sitcom Oneday: Comedy, tragedy, wisdom.
Cul de Sac, 2014-09-16.
"Miss Bliss says she got engaged." says Alice.
"What, to that banjo-playing guy Timmy Fretwork?" asks Petey.
"How'd you know?"
"They keep getting engaged then breaking it off." He gazes into the distance. "Timmy Fretwork is a banjo man! You can't tie down a banjo man!"
"What does that mean?" wonders Alice.
"It means he's a banjo man!" says Dill. "You can't tie down a banjo man!"
It's true, you can't.
Heavenly Nostrils, 2014-09-17.
Phoebe is sitting at her desk in class. Suddenly, the bell rings, startling her.
"The first bell of the school year is always the hardest." she thinks.
If that was the first bell, why is she already in class? Continuity error spotted!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-09-18.
"How's Jughaid doin', miz Prunelly ?" asks Loweezy.
"Jughaid is an exceptional student, mizzus Smif !!" says Prunelly. "He's th' furst student I ever had who flunked ev'ry subject !!"
Both she and Loweezy appear to be terribly concerned about this and also completely at a loss as to what to do about it. They simply cannot understand why Jughaid is having so much difficulty or how to help him. It's tragic.
Beetle Bailey, 2014-09-18.
Sgt. Snorkel is standing on a bench. He jumps off, landing on a pumpkin, which is pulverised by his weight.
"There! I squashed all your pumpkins" he says.
"Good!" says Sgt. Jowls. "I'll get busy and bake the pies!"
Well, OK then.
"Miss Bliss says she got engaged." says Alice.
"What, to that banjo-playing guy Timmy Fretwork?" asks Petey.
"How'd you know?"
"They keep getting engaged then breaking it off." He gazes into the distance. "Timmy Fretwork is a banjo man! You can't tie down a banjo man!"
"What does that mean?" wonders Alice.
"It means he's a banjo man!" says Dill. "You can't tie down a banjo man!"
It's true, you can't.
Heavenly Nostrils, 2014-09-17.
Phoebe is sitting at her desk in class. Suddenly, the bell rings, startling her.
"The first bell of the school year is always the hardest." she thinks.
If that was the first bell, why is she already in class? Continuity error spotted!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-09-18.
"How's Jughaid doin', miz Prunelly ?" asks Loweezy.
"Jughaid is an exceptional student, mizzus Smif !!" says Prunelly. "He's th' furst student I ever had who flunked ev'ry subject !!"
Both she and Loweezy appear to be terribly concerned about this and also completely at a loss as to what to do about it. They simply cannot understand why Jughaid is having so much difficulty or how to help him. It's tragic.
Beetle Bailey, 2014-09-18.
Sgt. Snorkel is standing on a bench. He jumps off, landing on a pumpkin, which is pulverised by his weight.
"There! I squashed all your pumpkins" he says.
"Good!" says Sgt. Jowls. "I'll get busy and bake the pies!"
Well, OK then.
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