Hägar the Horrible

Hägar believes that the ducks he sees flying over his land every year belong to Attila the Hun. He says he can tell this because they seem to know he is their enemy. The Viking age was the period from the 790s until the Norman conquest of England in 1066. Attila the Hun was the ruler of the Huns from 434 until his death in 453. Why Hägar believes a man long-dead is his enemy and has trained ducks to harass him is a mystery.

Hägar the Horrible, 2013-08-27.

Pondering Snuffy Smith

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2013-08-21.

Good god, look at how pleased Snuffy is in that second panel. What unmentionable purpose can he have for wanting so many cats?

Heathcliff

The owners of a white cat do not object to Heathcliff taking her out on a date in his monster truck as he is always conscientious and reliable in bringing her back home at the agreed-upon time.

Heathcliff, 2013-08-26.

Pondering Mary Worth

Mary Worth, 2013-08-21.

Wow, look at those faces. I don't think they did see that, Shannon. There is no sympathy or understanding for you here.

Henry

Having discovered that the clockwork man he has bought does not walk in a straight line, Henry examines its feet and discovers an unevenness that would account for the consistent deviation. Assuming that toy shoes are much the same as real shoes, Henry takes the doll to a shoe repair shop.

Henry, 2013-08-24.

Improving Rex Morgan

Based on the Rex Morgan MD strip for 2013-08-23.

Moose and Molly

Moose awakes in the night, thinking he hears a burglar moving about the house, so he wakes Molly, who takes a baseball bat and apprehends the miscreant while her husband hides in the closet. It's funny because traditional gender roles would have had Moose deal with the intruder while Molly hid, but in this case it was reversed.

Moose and Molly, 2013-08-22.

Pondering Nancy

Nancy, 2013-08-17.

Is this Nancy or Family Circus?

Dennis the Menace

Mr. Wilson has been summoned for jury duty, and although this would normally be aggravating to him as it would mean him giving up his day and whatever plans he had for it, it turns out that in this case the day he has been summoned is one on which his wife had agreed that they would babysit Dennis, and as Mr. Wilson has an intense dislike of Dennis he is glad of the opportunity to avoid his company. For this reason, he is smiling.

Dennis the Menace, 2013-08-21.

Improving Spider-Man

Based on the Amazing Spider-Man strip for 2013-08-18.

Brewster Rockit: Space guy!

Cliff Clewless objects to the government spying on his personal communication but has no problem sharing information at his own discretion with a particular subset of people he knows. Apparently this is supposed to be funny.

Brewster Rockit, 2013-08-21.

Pondering Between Friends

Between Friends, 2013-08-16.

This comic is the worst. I may have mentioned that before, but it bears repeating. I can't even tell if it's an improvement that in this strip she's not feeling superior about having failed in the most simple of resolutions. I mean, she failed at an easy thing that she actually wanted to do without even trying, and so she definitely should feel bad about that, but even so, she still manages to make this a universal thing in the last panel.

I guess it is better than the smug grin she normally puts on when she gives up without trying, but come on, don't try to convince me everyone is like that, because we're not, it's just you. You are a failure and I hate you. The only way to exceed your expectations, Susan, is to fucking try! Just make an actual attempt.

Also of note, while looking up Susan's name I spotted this in the section about Kim, another of the three completely interchangeable protagonists: "She is married to Derek, a widower and mom to her stepson, Danny." Apparently Derek is a mother. That's unusual.

Heathcliff

Heathcliff's neighbourhood is changing, in that it now has a hippopotamus in it. And Heathcliff is riding the hippopotamus.

Heathcliff, 2013-08-21.

Improving Red and Rover

Based on the Red and Rover strip for 2010-06-28 that re-ran on 2013-08-17 and Seanbaby's Man Comics.

Ginger Meggs

Ginger finds that he ends up with a lot of odd socks, almost as though they were disappearing in the wash. It's such an overused joke that's it's one of the standard short-hands for "bad comedian", but in this case the socks actually are disappearing, because they have been stolen by a monkey to build a nest.

One might assume that the monkey's mere existence in a strip set in Australia was part of the joke, but actually Ginger always has a pet monkey, so the joke is just the sock theft.

Ginger Meggs, 2013-08-19.

Pondering Mary Worth

Mary Worth, 2013-08-16.

I love that cavalier response from the woman in purple. "Your best friend suddenly stopped talking to you and you have no idea why? Yeah, that sounds pretty bad. Oh well, anyone else got anything they want to talk about?"

Mother Goose and Grimm

"Grimm," says Mother Goose, "could you help me vacuum up cat hair while I get the mail?"
"Sure." says Grimm.

As Mother Goose returns she finds Grimm waiting for her.
"Done." he says.
Behind him the vacuum cleaner can be seen. It is apparent at a glance that it contains a cat.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-08-17.

Improving Garfield

Based on the Garfield strip for 2013-08-17.

Beetle Bailey

Pvt. Bailey is reading the newspaper.
"This ad says I can try out a robot free of charge!" he says.
"What would you do with a robot?" asks Pvt. Diller.
In Beetle's mind he sees the squad. Sgt. Snorkel walks down the line reading names from a clipboard.
"Bailey..." says the sergeant.
"Here" says the robot that Pvt. Bailey has left standing in his place. It's wearing his hat, and this, in Beetle's mind, would be enough for it to pass without scrutiny.

Beetle Bailey, 2013-08-15.

Pondering Apartment 3-G

It's an unfortunate fact that thanks to Frank Bolle's refusal to put any effort into the Apartment 3-G drawings, a lot of the characters end up looking really similar, so when I saw this strip:

Apartment 3-G, 2013-08-14.

I was momentarily confused. Didn't this all happen before? But no, it turns out that was a completely different situation. We're not seeing Scott and Margo here, that was last year, this is Zoey and Peter. You can tell by how the hair and clothes are slightly different.

Apartment 3-G, 2012-04-23.

See? I don't even know how I got mixed up.

Pondering Mother Goose and Grimm

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2013-08-14.

OK, so the joke here is that Fred Flintstone has taken his car to a mechanic, but his car is actually powered by his feet so the mechanic is examining them instead of the car. So the joke is that his car is foot-powered.

You know who else did that joke? The Flintstones. This isn't some clever observation about the realities of the Flintstones' world, it is literally a joke from the show. The only people who could possibly consider this an original or creative joke would be people who haven't seen The Flintstones, and the joke clearly isn't for them since the set-up relies on you being familiar with the show.

Mother Goose and Grimm is a shitty comic is what I'm saying.

Shoe

"Hi, Roz." says Sen. Batson D. Belfry.
"Hi, senator, would you care for a martini?" asks Roz, who seems to be in in an uncharacteristically cheerful mood.
"Sure, if it needed me." quips the senator.
This seemingly innocent joke has an unexpected effect on Roz. She stares at the senator, goggle-eyed, leaving him confused, worried and with no martini.

Shoe, 2013-08-14.

Marmaduke

Marmaduke chases a terrified frog as it flees for its life.
"He found a new friend to play with." says Phil as he and Dottie look on, powerless to intervene.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-14.

Pondering Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Man, 2013-08-13.

So, the spy learned that the Tarantula had phoned famous actor Mary-Jane Parker, and from this was able to conclude that Spider-Man would be on the next flight. Even if we accept, as we should, that everyone knows Spider-Man's secret identity, how did they know which flight he was on?

Oh wait, maybe because President Obama personally authorised Spider-Man to board the flight and that would probably have made the news and so they really didn't need the Tarantula's phone at all!

Heathcliff

Two men observe Heathcliff riding a turtle. He has a fishing rod with a fly tied to the end of the line which he is holding out ahead of him to entice the turtle to move forward.
"Turtles like flies." explains one man to the other.

Heathcliff, 2013-08-14.

Improving Garfield

Based on the Garfield strip for 2013-08-15.

Marmaduke

Marmaduke has somehow managed to not only drink an entire bathtub full of water, but has done so without the occupant of the bath noticing until he was finished and out of the room.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-13.

Pondering Apartment 3-G

Apartment 3-G, 2013-08-12.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Mary Worth

Mary is participating in a discussion group while on vacation at a health resort. A man with a moustache is talking about how much he loves being at this resort and how he is not looking forward to going home. You see, from nine to five he has to spend his time at work. The job is very boring, he's an office clerk. The only thing that helps him pass the time away is knowing he'll be back at Echo Beach this resort some day.

The other members of the group empathise with his sentiments.

Mary Worth, 2013-08-13.

Improving Garfield

Based on the Garfield strip for 2013-08-13.

F-Minus

Two angels confront a surly fat man. The smaller angel has no halo, but the fat man has one.
"This the guy?" asks the larger of the two angels.
The implication is that the man has stolen the small angel's halo, and it is quite obvious that he is, in fact, the guy, so the question seems somewhat unnecessary. Therein lies the humour.

F-Minus, 2013-08-12.

Pondering Wee Pals

Wee Pals, 2013-08-12.

Oh my god, Racist Ralph is really stepping up his game here. I think this is the first time he's actually threatened to murder anyone. I do have to wonder though if Morrie Turner actually knows what the phrase means.

Marmaduke

Dottie has finally been driven to screaming hysterical madness by Marmaduke. For he is a very large dog, you see.

Marmaduke, 2013-08-12.

Improving Judge Parker

Based on the Judge Parker strip for 2013-08-13.

Heathcliff

Heathcliff, wearing a red vest and a blue hat, plays the flute for two squirrels.

"Don't be lured by his nut song." says one squirrel to the other.

Heathcliff, 2013-08-12.

Pondering Funky Winkerbean

Funky Winkerbean, 2013-08-09.

Apparently Wally is hoping to have a polygamous marriage with Rachel and her mother. She seems to be OK with that.

Apartment 3-G

As Cole paces...

"I've had a few head injuries in the army, Lu Ann..." says Cole, "none of them really serious. But the last one sent me home ~ permanently!"

"I wonder..." thinks Lu Ann, "is that good news or bad?"

Serious head injuries. Who knows, maybe they could be good, right?

Apartment 3-G, 2013-07-29.

Improving Garfield

Based on the Garfield strip of 2013-08-12.