The Phantom: The Challenge 2015-05-11 - 2015-09-12

Get comfortable everyone, because this is going to be a long one. Long and irritating.

The Phantom, 2015-05-12.

Yes, it's election time for the Bandar. But hasn't Guran always been chief? Since when do they have elections?

The Phantom, 2015-05-13.

Oh, OK. Fair enough then. Doesn't sound very exciting, but a new Bandar chief could be interesting and shake up the status quo a bit. Not much for the Phantom to do though, since he's hardly going to interfere in a peaceful and democratic election. It's a Bandar matter.

The Phantom, 2015-05-16.

See?

The Phantom, 2015-05-19.

It's a Bandar matter.

The Phantom, 2015-05-21.

Glad we've got that settled once and for all. So how does this election work anyway?

The Phantom, 2015-05-22.

It is an election though, right? (Spoiler: It is an election, the contest is meaningless)

The Phantom, 2015-05-23.

What? Why would you think that? It didn't occur to you that someone younger than you might want to be the next chief? And why would Babudan only challenge you when you were both really old? I'm beginning to think Guran didn't really think this through.

The Phantom, 2015-05-29.

Yeah, this really doesn't affect the Phantom at all. It's a Bandar matter.

The Phantom, 2015-06-01.

No. He doesn't.

The Phantom, 2015-06-04.

See? By the way, in the middle of this election story the Phantom took off to break into some dude's flat in Mawitaan 'cause he was a criminal or something. We didn't really get any detail on this, I think DePaul just wanted to break up the monotony of the election plot.

The Phantom, 2015-06-05.

It's funny, see, because he's pretending he has a normal job but actually he's stealing that guy's stuff and is about to beat the shit out of him.

The Phantom, 2015-06-09.

And he just kept talking to his kids on speaker while waiting to ambush the guy. This bit was just kind of weird. And then he handed the guy over to the police. Sort of. By the way, we're well over a month into this story now.

The Phantom, 2015-06-18.

You have a telephone, Kit. You were just using it a moment ago to talk to your kids. Why wouldn't you just phone the police yourself? Oh, and part of this plan involved renting a flat three months in advance so he could remove his costume and just walk out of the building with everyone else. Why couldn't he go out the same way he came in? It is a mystery.

The Phantom, 2015-06-24.

The first time I read that dialogue, I thought the old woman was calling Kit "Mr. Handsome", which would have been the most hilarious cover identity. Back in the deep woods, the kids are still trying to help Guran win the pointless contest, but guess what?

The Phantom, 2015-06-30.

Yep, it's still a Bandar matter. But Kit jr just won't let it go.

The Phantom, 2015-07-06.

You and everyone else, Heloise. Thus begins the part of the story where Heloise just owns the fuck out of Kit for a while. It certainly didn't make this slog worthwhile, but it was pretty cool.

The Phantom, 2015-07-07.

We also got a hint of what could be a pretty cool direction for the comic.

The Phantom, 2015-07-09.

Imagine if they actually had time pass for these characters. We could see the twins grow up while the Phantom got older and slower, there would be the genuine chance that any mission could be his last, and then when he eventually did die, the drama of who would be the next Phantom. My vote would got to Heloise. But don't waste too much time speculating on that because that will never happen. Nothing can disrupt the precious status quo. Whoops, did I just spoil the outcome of this election story?

The Phantom, 2015-07-10.

Well, he is right. The two of you will be teenagers forever. Anyway, back to the election. How's that going?

The Phantom, 2015-07-11.

Oh right, still a Bandar matter. This story has been going for two whole months now, and we're only half way through. Anyway, the actual (pointless) contest starts now with the public speaking section.

The Phantom, 2015-07-13.

So he studied and practised? What an arsehole. Next up is the race. Kipawa beats Guran by a mile, and passes him on the way back.

The Phantom, 2015-07-22.

Oh, you tried to help your respected opponent save some face? What an arsehole. OK, telling everyone about it like that doesn't make you come across well, but still. Next up is the archery contest. Apparently Guran is still pretty good at that, because it's a tie. But...

The Phantom, 2015-07-29.

So yeah, just a reminder that the actual contest is totally meaningless and it all comes down to a vote at the end.

The Phantom, 2015-07-30.

Yeah, no shit. A couple of geniuses you've raised there, Kit. Sending them away to school is starting to seem like an even better idea. Up next is the rope climb, but Kipawa's finally worked out Guran's plan, so he, well, basically he does the same thing he did in the running race, but this time everyone thinks it's great?

The Phantom, 2015-08-07.

Keep in mind, this is a tiny remote village, everyone here has known each other their entire lives. This whole test of character thing should be completely redundant. Anyway, the last challenge is the medicine contest. Unfortunately only two people know the location of the absolutely essential ghost orchid - Guran and Babudan, and Babudan won't share that information with Kipawa.

The Phantom, 2015-08-15.

Spoiler: It wasn't Babudan, it was Guran. And it's all irrelevant anyway since it comes down to a vote and people would probably be pissed if Guran won the medicine contest just because he was keeping life-saving knowledge to himself just to win a contest.

The Phantom, 2015-08-22.

Good question, Kit! Why do you even care whjo the chief is anyway? It's a Bandar matter. And with the contests out of the way it's time for the actual vote. It's an open ballot for some reason, and each person goes up one by one and declares their vote. The first vote goes to Kipawa, and Kit jr immediately ssumes that he's going to win.

The Phantom, 2015-08-26.

But it turns out that other people get to vote too, which apparently comes as a shock to the hypothetical next Phantom. And by the way, not only is it an open ballot, but kids get to vote too. Presumably from whatever age they can walk and talk.

The Phantom, 2015-08-28.

Call me cynical if you like, but doesn't this basically just mean that parents get extra votes? Even letting kids vote in secret ballots would be pretty suspect, but if their parents can be right there to make sure they vote the way they're supposed to, doesn't that call the whole thing into question? In the end the whole thing is a huge waste of time though, because Kipawa suddenly pulls out of the race.

The Phantom, 2015-09-08.

Ah, taste that sweet status quo! What do you think the chances are that Kit and Heloise being sent away to school never gets mentioned again?

The Phantom, 2015-09-10.

I don't believe that. And what's this about a coup? There was a lawful election and you stayed in power. That's basically the opposite of a coup. Four months, that took. Four months for absolutely fucking nothing to happen. It's hard to believe this is the same writer behind that Python Strikes Back story from a few years ago, or even some of the more recent Sunday stories. Ryan's still doing good work, but DePaul really seems to be phoning it in most of the time now.