"Ready to go to the store, Henry?" asks Henry's mother. "Pick up a pound of frankfurters for supper, dear!"
So Henry heads down to the grocery shop, but when he gets there he sees a sign in the window that says "No dogs", so he goes back home. You see, the sign is intended to prevent people from bringing their pets into the shop, but Henry has misinterpreted it as a warning that the shop has sold out of hot-dogs, which is another name for frankfurters.
"I told Sarge you needed to see him." said Pvt. Bailey. "He said he'd come after lunch"
"I need to see him now!" roars Lt. Fuzz. "Go get him!"
So Bailey gets into a track loader and uses the bucket to pick Sgt. Snorkel up and drive him back to where Fuzz is waiting.
"There's a sock in your waste-basket." says Sheila.
"That's mine." replies Gen. Halftrack. "It had a hole in it."
"Why didn't you throw it out at home?" asks Sheila.
"You have rules for throwing out socks ?" asks the general.
Pvt. Bailey, peering in through the window, is mystified by the whole scenario.
2014-03-05
One-Panel Wednesday: Misery and the Garbage Ape
Smiling happily, Loretta pats Leroy on the stomach.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
"You're not too fat, Leroy..." she says. "You're just fat enough."
Leroy regards her attempt to assuage his self-loathing with contempt.
Shooka shooka shooka.
The sound breaks the silence of the night. Heathcliff holds his hand up, calling for silence.
Shooka shooka.
A helicopter draws into view. Heathcliff and Sonja stand and watch as it closes in. The door opens and a rope is lowered to the ground. Down the rope, bearing two garbage cans, rappels the garbage ape! Touching down, he pauses, then hurls the garbage cans into the air before disappearing back into the chopper, which flies away. Heathcliff and Sonja take their places on the upended garbage cans, thrones from which they survey their domain.
"The garbage ape rides again" comments one bird to another as they watch the helicopter vanish into the distance.
Thusday, dinner time in the Keane household. Jeffy regards his plate with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Billy leans over and theatrically whispers "Now I know why these were left over from yesterday."
Monday. The children sit down for dinner. Thel brings them each a plate of brown mush. Once again, Jeffy regards his food with apprehension.
"When Mommy says, 'Just eat it,' you know you're not going to like it." says Dolly, resignedly.
2014-03-04
Action Tuesday: The Valiant Trail Phantom
I know you'll all be eager to hear what's been happening in The Amazing Spider-Man, but I'm actually going to give that a miss this time, because it's kind of in the middle of everything right now and I'll be able to cover it better in a week or two. Instead I'm going to start with Prince Valiant, who recently crashed his ship (with his family on board) onto an island where they all got attacked.
While Val climbed further inland, lured by the call of a siren, Aleta and Karen were attacked by a serpent. Fortunately Aleta had Val's singing sword and has managed to hold the beast at by thus far. Meanwhile, Val managed to offend the siren (who seems to have him confused for someone else) and she set a cyclops, Polyphemus, on him. Val head-butted the cyclops and took his club, but the the cyclops also has a large knife.
The giant swings and Val ducks, hitting him in the knee with the club. Polyphemus steps back, dangerously close to the cliff edge, while in the sea below the serpent rears up to strike at Aleta.
Seizing the opportunity, Val tackles Polyphemus and the two of them fly out into the air...
Seriously, read Prince Valiant, it's awesome.
The Phantom's current Sunday storyline has been pretty great recently, too. The weekday strips have been just incredibly dull, but an entirely separate story runs in the Sunday strips (for the benefit of newspapers that decide to carry the strip either only on weekdays or only on Sundays), and the current plot is a flashback about Juliet Adams Walker, wife of the fifth Phantom and also known as Captain Amazon.
I'd actually like to hear more about Captain Amazon's adventures from before she married the Phantom, but what we are getting is pretty good. See, the Phantom went after a bunch of slave-trading pirates who managed to overpower him and held him prisoner on their ship. Not knowing what had happened to him, Juliet decided to go after him.
She located a girl the pirates had taken prisoner and snuck into the place they were holding her, traded clothes with her and took her place to be taken aboard the ship.
"Juliet Adams Walker boarded that evil ship to learn the fate of her missing husband!" narrates the Phantom.
The year 1652...
"Heh heh!" leers a pirate.
"Filthy vermin." thinks Juliet as she's led past. "Escape now if you can!"
A single pirate brings her down below decks to the room where the prisoners are kept.
"These pirates think I'm that frightened girl they captured!" thinks Juliet, and as the pirate unlocks the door she lands a solid punch to his head, leaving him unconscious.
"Oh, Kit, where are you?!" she thinks, searching the ship.
"Pirates thought their captive must have swam to freedom after felling her guard!" narrates the Phantom.
Meanwhile, below decks...
Juliet finds Kit, beaten, bloody and chained, but still alive...
At the other end of the Spectrum is Mark Trail. People still get punched but instead of it being by badass crime fighters and costumed vigilantes it's by a mentally challenged nature magazine writer.
Mark's heard about a couple, Jessica and Marlin, who live on a private island, and one of them is a taxidermist who mostly works on fish, so he decided to write an article about them. It's incredibly obvious that they are up to no good, but Mark's just bumbling around in his innocent naivety, as he does.
Mark has just spotted Marlin bringing some people with hunting gear back to the island on his boat and something about it doesn't sit right with him.
"Those guys could be clients of his..." says Mark loudly to no one, while standing in the shadows a few meters from Marlin and his clients. "But why bring hunting gear here?"
Losing interest almost immediately, Mark returns to camp.
"I think I have enough material about Jessica for my story ..." he says, again to absolutely no one. "I'll get a few more pictures tomorrow! Then I'll get back to Rusty and Doc at the hotel!"
In the distance, a deer watches.
While Val climbed further inland, lured by the call of a siren, Aleta and Karen were attacked by a serpent. Fortunately Aleta had Val's singing sword and has managed to hold the beast at by thus far. Meanwhile, Val managed to offend the siren (who seems to have him confused for someone else) and she set a cyclops, Polyphemus, on him. Val head-butted the cyclops and took his club, but the the cyclops also has a large knife.
The giant swings and Val ducks, hitting him in the knee with the club. Polyphemus steps back, dangerously close to the cliff edge, while in the sea below the serpent rears up to strike at Aleta.
Seizing the opportunity, Val tackles Polyphemus and the two of them fly out into the air...
Seriously, read Prince Valiant, it's awesome.
The Phantom's current Sunday storyline has been pretty great recently, too. The weekday strips have been just incredibly dull, but an entirely separate story runs in the Sunday strips (for the benefit of newspapers that decide to carry the strip either only on weekdays or only on Sundays), and the current plot is a flashback about Juliet Adams Walker, wife of the fifth Phantom and also known as Captain Amazon.
I'd actually like to hear more about Captain Amazon's adventures from before she married the Phantom, but what we are getting is pretty good. See, the Phantom went after a bunch of slave-trading pirates who managed to overpower him and held him prisoner on their ship. Not knowing what had happened to him, Juliet decided to go after him.
She located a girl the pirates had taken prisoner and snuck into the place they were holding her, traded clothes with her and took her place to be taken aboard the ship.
"Juliet Adams Walker boarded that evil ship to learn the fate of her missing husband!" narrates the Phantom.
The year 1652...
"Heh heh!" leers a pirate.
"Filthy vermin." thinks Juliet as she's led past. "Escape now if you can!"
A single pirate brings her down below decks to the room where the prisoners are kept.
"These pirates think I'm that frightened girl they captured!" thinks Juliet, and as the pirate unlocks the door she lands a solid punch to his head, leaving him unconscious.
"Oh, Kit, where are you?!" she thinks, searching the ship.
"Pirates thought their captive must have swam to freedom after felling her guard!" narrates the Phantom.
Meanwhile, below decks...
Juliet finds Kit, beaten, bloody and chained, but still alive...
At the other end of the Spectrum is Mark Trail. People still get punched but instead of it being by badass crime fighters and costumed vigilantes it's by a mentally challenged nature magazine writer.
Mark's heard about a couple, Jessica and Marlin, who live on a private island, and one of them is a taxidermist who mostly works on fish, so he decided to write an article about them. It's incredibly obvious that they are up to no good, but Mark's just bumbling around in his innocent naivety, as he does.
Mark has just spotted Marlin bringing some people with hunting gear back to the island on his boat and something about it doesn't sit right with him.
"Those guys could be clients of his..." says Mark loudly to no one, while standing in the shadows a few meters from Marlin and his clients. "But why bring hunting gear here?"
Losing interest almost immediately, Mark returns to camp.
"I think I have enough material about Jessica for my story ..." he says, again to absolutely no one. "I'll get a few more pictures tomorrow! Then I'll get back to Rusty and Doc at the hotel!"
In the distance, a deer watches.
2014-03-03
Melodrama Monday: It's been a slow week
Last week I told you what had been happening in Judge Parker, and seven days later absolutely nothing else has happened. But it looks like there might be a battle between the hospital/fortress guards and the people who hate April's father. This being Judge Parker, it'll probably happen off-screen while Alan stumbles upon a lost treasure which he is naturally allowed to keep, but I'll keep you posted.
Mary Worth spent all week on an incredibly awkward dinner.
"Tommy," said Wilbur, "maybe I can help you with your job search! I have a friend who's a manager at SantaRoyMart!"
Tommy threw himself backwards in his chair, raising his arms as though to keep Wilbur at bay.
"The big box store?" he asked, fear in his voice. "No! I can't!"
Mary and Wilbur exchanged worried glances. Wilbur gestured at Tommy with a knife, a move perhaps not best calculated to instil calm.
"I mean..." said Tommy, cowering, "that won't work for me!"
And why could Tommy not bear to face SantaRoyMart? Was it because he used to buy drugs there? Or sell drugs there? Or because hearing the name "SantaRoyMart" would make anyone uneasy? No, none of those. Apparently he once got caught shoplifting there. When he was sixteen. It doesn't even have anything to do with his career as a meth dealer.
The stand-off in Rex Morgan MD ended, as might have been expected, rather anticlimactically and largely off-screen.
"Hey, you didn't have to do that!" whined Buck. "She was going to stop!"
"Let's go outside, sir..." said one of the police officers, gently steering him toward the door. "We'll take it from here!"
The other police officer, knelt to check on Doris who had collapsed after being tased.
"She's not breathing..." she said. "... call the paramedics!"
Turns out she bit part of her tongue off, but was otherwise OK and now she's going to jail. Rex feels bad for Buck, but June is quick to step in to make sure he doesn't do anything crazy like offer to lend him money or do anything else for him that might inconvenience her.
Meanwhilethe devil-child Sarah sees an opportunity to blackmail her babysitter, but we'll have to wait to see how that plays out.
Finally, Shulock is doing her best to ramp up the tension in Apartment 3-G. Tommie's on the phone to her fiancé's mother Rose, who is being very evasive, which Tommie is completely failing to notice. It's not clear what the exact nature of the shocking revelation will be, but it's pretty clear that Tommie isn't getting married any time soon, and not just because she's the least interesting person imaginable or because it would destroy the comic's central premise.
My bet is on Jim being dead, but it's also possible that he may be in a coma, already married, in prison, or a ghost. There's just no way to be sure at this stage. Maggie at the Lovely Ladies of Apartment 3-G and Josh Fruhlinger (the Comics Curmudgeon) favour the theory that Jim never existed at all, which would be the best possible answer, but I can't see it happening.
Mary Worth spent all week on an incredibly awkward dinner.
"Tommy," said Wilbur, "maybe I can help you with your job search! I have a friend who's a manager at SantaRoyMart!"
Tommy threw himself backwards in his chair, raising his arms as though to keep Wilbur at bay.
"The big box store?" he asked, fear in his voice. "No! I can't!"
Mary and Wilbur exchanged worried glances. Wilbur gestured at Tommy with a knife, a move perhaps not best calculated to instil calm.
"I mean..." said Tommy, cowering, "that won't work for me!"
And why could Tommy not bear to face SantaRoyMart? Was it because he used to buy drugs there? Or sell drugs there? Or because hearing the name "SantaRoyMart" would make anyone uneasy? No, none of those. Apparently he once got caught shoplifting there. When he was sixteen. It doesn't even have anything to do with his career as a meth dealer.
The stand-off in Rex Morgan MD ended, as might have been expected, rather anticlimactically and largely off-screen.
"Hey, you didn't have to do that!" whined Buck. "She was going to stop!"
"Let's go outside, sir..." said one of the police officers, gently steering him toward the door. "We'll take it from here!"
The other police officer, knelt to check on Doris who had collapsed after being tased.
"She's not breathing..." she said. "... call the paramedics!"
Turns out she bit part of her tongue off, but was otherwise OK and now she's going to jail. Rex feels bad for Buck, but June is quick to step in to make sure he doesn't do anything crazy like offer to lend him money or do anything else for him that might inconvenience her.
Meanwhile
Finally, Shulock is doing her best to ramp up the tension in Apartment 3-G. Tommie's on the phone to her fiancé's mother Rose, who is being very evasive, which Tommie is completely failing to notice. It's not clear what the exact nature of the shocking revelation will be, but it's pretty clear that Tommie isn't getting married any time soon, and not just because she's the least interesting person imaginable or because it would destroy the comic's central premise.
My bet is on Jim being dead, but it's also possible that he may be in a coma, already married, in prison, or a ghost. There's just no way to be sure at this stage. Maggie at the Lovely Ladies of Apartment 3-G and Josh Fruhlinger (the Comics Curmudgeon) favour the theory that Jim never existed at all, which would be the best possible answer, but I can't see it happening.
2014-03-02
Weekend Workshop: Horror at Charterstone
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| Based on Apartment 3-G, 2014-02-24. |
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| Based on Hazel, 2014-02-27. |
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| Based on Arlo and Janis, 2014-02-27. |
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| Based on Mary Worth, 2014-03-01. |
And I liked this panel from Rex Morgan MD (2014-02-25) so much I shrunk it down to avatar size in case anyone wants it.
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