Comics for the Blind

2014-06-14

Philosophical Friday: Ugliness

WuMo, 2014-06-11.

God, this comic is hideous. Not in a Reply All kind of way where it's just pure ineptitude, this looks like it's meant to be ugly. And I mean every single WuMo strip. Reply All can get away with looking like arse because it's actually funny, but the example above is as close as WuMo ever gets.

And it is close, it's almost good enough to be one of the less funny F-Minus strips. Of course, in F-Minus there wouldn't be a caption telling you it was a blood bank, that would be conveyed through, I don't know, putting the Red Cross logo on there or something. I'm pretty sure Tony Carrillo could draw a recognisable mosquito too, so the entire label would be unnecessary. And the manager would have one of those F-Minus grumpy faces. That's how you do this joke.

Even then though, WuMo would still be hideous.

Todd the Dinosaur, 2014-06-12.

How is that even an easier shot? And does every cartoonist play golf?

Finally, here's a selection of Office Hours panels, a comic from the 1960s.


Office Hours, 1966-03-26.	Office Hours, 1966-01-14.


Office Hours, 1966-03-14.	Office Hours, 1966-02-05.

The past was terrible.

2014-06-12

Sitcom Thursday: Eating Disorders and Unnecessary Violence

Wee Pals, 2014-06-10.

Oliver and Randy are standing together when they are approached by Connie and Sybil.
"Where have you been?" asks Oliver.
"At Sybil's house." says Connie. "She has a new beauty kit"
"Didn't she let you use it?" asks Oliver.
Soon Oliver is on the ground and seeing stars. Connie, looking angry, is walking away.
"It was worth it!" says Oliver.

You know what? I liked this one better last time. Still, I do cut the man some slack as he was 90, and it was a good joke. I still laughed the second time.

Side note, how is this comic still going? Turner died at the start of the year and we're not seeing re-runs yet. How far ahead was he working?

Blondie, 2014-06-11.

Dagwood rushes into the house as Blondie holds the door open for him.
"I forgot my briefcase!" he says as he passes.
"What about your lunch, dear?!" asks Blondie.
"That's what's in the briefcase!" calls Dagwood as he runs off.

If it had been some work-related stuff in the case I'd have no trouble believing that Dagwood had forgotten it, but his lunch? Absurd.

Moose & Molly, 2014-06-12.

The Millers are attending a wedding.
"A beautiful marriage ceremony!" says Moose to the woman beside him. "What are we having at the reception?"
"It's been cancelled!" says the woman cheerfully. "They're rushing out of town!"
Moose bursts into tears.
"Moose always cries at weddings" says Molly. But actually Moose is crying because he was looking forward to the reception because he assumed that there would be plenty of free food.

One-Panel Wednesday: Mostly Menacing

Dennis the Menace, 2014-06-05.

Joey and Dennis observe a spider on a web.
"Now that's a web site." says Dennis.

No it isn't, Dennis. It's a web. I feel like this joke was written by someone who never stopped to think about the word "website" and where it came from. Because "web" and "net" are pretty apt descriptions of the way computers and sites are linked together, but Ketcham, Hamilton and Ferdinand just thought "Bah, those computer page things are call 'web sites', but what have they got to do with webs? Nothing!" and then they put their old man griping into the mouth of a five-year-old, because that's not incongruous at all.

Dennis the Menace, 2014-06-11.

"Grampa." says Dennis, sitting in his customary place in the corner of the room, facing the wall. "Your daughter was impossible today. You should make her sit in the corner."
Oliver appears to be giving the suggestion serious thought. Alice looks petulant.

Why do we never see what Dennis did to end up in the corner?

2014-06-11

Action Tuesday: Africa⁉

Dick Tracy is finally investigating Annie's disappearance! After teasing it for so long, Staton and Curtis finally had Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks meet with Tracy yesterday, and today they're going to meet with someone who Warbucks believes has information on Annie's whereabouts.

Dick Tracy, 2014-06-10.

The city's finest hotel, The Siam.
"You staying here, Warbucks?" asks Tracy.

"Heh-heh! I can't afford it!" says Warbucks.
"Welcome, Mr. Warbucks, Mr. Tracy." says a hotel staff member. "I'll summon him."
"Tracy, this is my friend, The Great Am." says Warbucks, introducing a man with a long white beard.
"So this is Dick Tracy!" says The Great Am. "Your face is very familiar."

There's a hotel that Oliver Warbucks can't afford to stay in? Oliver Warbucks the "multi-zillionaire"?

Spider-Man's latest story is off to a pretty good start too, with Doc Ock apparently turning over a new leaf and preventing a prison break.

The Amazing Spider-Man, 2014-06-09.

Spider-Man finally reaches state prison...
"That mini-quake didn't do this wall any good." says Spidey to no one. "But I'll make sure no prisoners escape."
"No need, Spider-Man." says the warden. "Dr. Octopus ended the breakout."
"As you might have done..." says Ock, "had you arrived in time!"

Fighting crime and showing up Spider-Man, he'll fit right in with the rest of the city's heroes.

Mark Trail is going to Africa!

Mark Trail, 2014-06-10.

Mark Trail, 2014-06-10.

"My editor, Bill Ellis, wants me to go to Africa!" says Mark.
"Africa⁉" says Cherry, crossly.
"Africa?" says Rusty. "Oh boy ... Mark, can I go?"

Ha ha ha. Of course not, Rusty. Of course not.

And saving the best for last, Judge Parker continues to deliver. After another week of Katherine continuing to negotiate with the man holding her captive, as though she were the one in the superior bargaining position, Alan showed up. Remember how he wandered off earlier? Yeah, he went to find Katherine. And succeeded.

Judge Parker, 2014-06-08.

"You're the man from the ship!" says Flaco.
"That's right..." says Alan. "And that woman is my wife! I demand that you release her at once!"
"What is it with you people making demands all the time?" asks Flaco, understandably confused at the Parkers' utter obliviousness to danger.
"Untie my wife before somebody gets killed!" says Alan, presumably not referring to himself even though he's the one with a gun to his head.
"You have no gun!" says Flaco.
"I don't need a gun!" says Alan, cryptically.
"Flaco, my husband is a novelist!" says Katherine, as though that explains everything. "Perhaps you've heard of him... Alan Parker! He just wrote a best-seller!"
"Alan Parker?" says Flaco, clearly losing control of the situation. "The same Alan Parker who wrote 'The Chambers Affair'? I loved that book! I finished it on the ship just before Li Hai disappeared!"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it!" says Alan. "We're writing the movie script now!"
"You know," says Flaco, "I thought it would make a wonderful movie!"
Meanwhile, nearby a mercenary watches all this unfold.
"Now we have Mr. Parker in the picture!" she says. "What now?"
"Stay on target..." says a voice over the radio. "Wait for Abbott!"

And then Flaco asked Alan for some advice on writing before surrendering to Katherine. Judge Parker is my favourite comic right now.

2014-06-09

Melodrama Monday: I probably shouldn't care this much about Luann

Apartment 3-G this week has been nearly incomprehensible. The combination of Frank Bolle's refusal to draw anything but people standing around talking (and only from the shoulders up) with dialogue that more closely resembles random sentences than an actual conversation has made it difficult, but I've mostly managed to piece together what's happening.

It turns out that Jack's wife died several years ago and Carol, his current girlfriend, was her best friend. This sounds like there might be some sort of murder conspiracy going on, but that's way too exciting for Apartment 3-G. Does this look like Judge Parker? No, Judge Parker is drawn competently.

Also Tommie is still around. And so is Lily the deer, who is now apparently "friends" with Mary the mare. Although the only evidence we've seen of this friendship so far is Carol saying so.

Apartment 3-G, 2014-06-09.

In the wee hours of the morning...
"Jack, what are you doing out here and why are you up at five A.M.?" asks Carol.
"Joey and I are taking a trip." says Jack.
"What are you talking about?!" asks Carol.
"You should go back to bed, Carol." says Jack.

Who is Joey? Has Joey been mentioned before and I just forgot? Also, the art in this strip reminds me of that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where the guy somehow drains Counsellor Troi's youth, because Jack is looking younger than normal and Carol appears to now be about 80.

Luann, 2014-06-05.

"How awesome that you're valedictorian!" says Luann, to Bernice.
"No surprise, though" says Delta.
"I dunno," says Bernice, "you're right up there, Delta. Gunther, too. And Rosa"
"Want us to help you with your grad speech?" asks Delta.
"Nope. I'm gonna get help from Tiffany"
"Tiffany?!" screeches Luann, the only member of her friendship group who still holds this pathetic grudge. She is ignored.
"What, you're doing a cheer routine?" asks Delta.
"It's a secret" says Bernice.

There are about ten students in this graduating class, and apparently four of them were in the running for valedictorian. And notably, Luann was not one of them. I'm really looking forward to this graduation, to see if they actually go ahead with the "Luann is a lazy dumbass who is barely tolerated by her friends" thing they've been building up lately. I'd love to see Delta, Bernice, Tiffany, Rosa and Quill all do well and go off and be successful leaving Luann, Gunther and Knute behind forever. In my ideal version of events, the comic follows Tiffany from that point on, but seeing Luann's inevitable failures would be fine too.

Sally Forth has been focusing on Hilary and her friends this week, and their newly re-formed band. Turns out Hilary's kind of an arsehole.

Sally Forth, 2014-06-04.

"Despite what you may think, Hil," says Faye, "you're not the only one who's been writing songs for this band."
Hilary takes a look at the sheaf of papers.
"Wow, Faye, these are really heartfelt... revealing... personal... all the better to save for your solo album instead."
"I'm gonna kill her." Says Faye to Nona.
"Just channel that rage back into your songwriting." suggests Nona.

But then Nona reminded Hilary that they have to study and don't really have time for this anyway, a fact that Hilary had completely forgotten.