The two children sit on the couch, watching TV. Marmaduke has snuck up behind the couch and now rises up, forelimbs flailing, gaping maw revealing four pointed fangs.
"Forget it, Marmaduke." says the girl boredly, "You are not a vampire."
Comic
2012-09-30
2012-09-29
Marvin
"Waaaaaaaaaaaa" screams Marvin, no doubt terrified by the featureless white void in which he finds himself.
"Thank god for my iPod." thinks the dog. Although what benefit it gets from the iPod is a mystery as the earbuds are clearly not in its ears. They're just sort of stuck to the side of its head somehow. The iPod itself is suspended in mid-air in front of the dog.
This is indeed a disturbing universe.
Comic
"Thank god for my iPod." thinks the dog. Although what benefit it gets from the iPod is a mystery as the earbuds are clearly not in its ears. They're just sort of stuck to the side of its head somehow. The iPod itself is suspended in mid-air in front of the dog.
This is indeed a disturbing universe.
Comic
2012-09-28
Mary Worth
A few days later, Mary drops by the Weston apartment.
"I'm sorry I haven't been available lately, Dawn!" she says, handing Dawn a perfectly white pie that leaves a trail of white vapour. "I've been so busy!"
"It's all right." says Dawn, taking the mysterious pie. "I've been busy, too!"
"How do you like volunteer duty at the hospital?" asks Mary, grinning like an idiot.
"It's great!" says Dawn, smiling blissfully at the pie. "I met someone amazing! His name is Jim and he's getting physical therapy there!"
Comic
"I'm sorry I haven't been available lately, Dawn!" she says, handing Dawn a perfectly white pie that leaves a trail of white vapour. "I've been so busy!"
"It's all right." says Dawn, taking the mysterious pie. "I've been busy, too!"
"How do you like volunteer duty at the hospital?" asks Mary, grinning like an idiot.
"It's great!" says Dawn, smiling blissfully at the pie. "I met someone amazing! His name is Jim and he's getting physical therapy there!"
Comic
2012-09-27
Meaning of Lila
"I'm surprised and disappointed to see your email." says Mr Payne.
"My email?" asks Lorraine, indifferently.
"Admitting that you stole Drew's point-of-sale idea." says Mr Payne, boredly.
"I did?" asks Lorraine.
"While I appreciate your admission of guilt, I must terminate your employment." says Mr Payne.
Lorraine doesn't respond. She clearly doesn't give a shit.
"Our webcams are in reverse." says Boyd. "We can see Mr. Payne." he clarifies, probably because that first thing he said was gibberish. Also, we can clearly see that there is no camera on Mr Payne's computer, so how this is supposed to be happening is a mystery.
"And he just fired Lorraine!" says Lila, unaware that no one is paying attention to that any more because we're all distracted by the whole "reversed webcams" issue.
Comic
"My email?" asks Lorraine, indifferently.
"Admitting that you stole Drew's point-of-sale idea." says Mr Payne, boredly.
"I did?" asks Lorraine.
"While I appreciate your admission of guilt, I must terminate your employment." says Mr Payne.
Lorraine doesn't respond. She clearly doesn't give a shit.
"Our webcams are in reverse." says Boyd. "We can see Mr. Payne." he clarifies, probably because that first thing he said was gibberish. Also, we can clearly see that there is no camera on Mr Payne's computer, so how this is supposed to be happening is a mystery.
"And he just fired Lorraine!" says Lila, unaware that no one is paying attention to that any more because we're all distracted by the whole "reversed webcams" issue.
Comic
2012-09-26
Family Circus
Billy walks into the house with a black eye, covered in dirt and bruises, with a bandaid on his cheek and another on his wrist. His clothes are ragged and torn and he's carrying one shoe. His knuckles are covered in some unidentified grime and sweat rolls down his face.
"I think my guardian angel took the day off." he says, understating the situation rather dramatically.
Comic
"I think my guardian angel took the day off." he says, understating the situation rather dramatically.
Comic
2012-09-23
Bliss
A man in his underwear is sitting on a bench next to a dog. A man in a lab coat with a stethoscope and clipboard asks "OK, so which one of you is Mr Weinberger?" Is the man a doctor or a vet? If he's a doctor, what's the dog doing there? If he's a vet, why is the dog's owner in his underwear. Either way, shouldn't he already know which patient he's there to see? What is this empty white void behind the characters? Are they in a plain white room with no adornments? What sort of vet or doctor's surgery looks like that? Maybe this is all a dream that the man in his underwear is having? This comic is an enigma.
Comic
Comic
2012-09-22
Herb and Jamaal
"I can't believe it!" says a customer to Herb. "I've passed this place for years and never knew it was owned by a n~..."
At this point, Herb interrupts by punching the man in the face.
Despite being knocked to the ground by the blow, the customer manages to finish the word "...eighbour..."
"I'm sorry..." says Herb, "it's just a reflex-action I have whenever I hear any word beginning with 'N.'"
This is obviously a lie, because Herb has never reacted this way before, so I guess he just really wanted an excuse to punch that guy for some reason.
Comic
At this point, Herb interrupts by punching the man in the face.
Despite being knocked to the ground by the blow, the customer manages to finish the word "...eighbour..."
"I'm sorry..." says Herb, "it's just a reflex-action I have whenever I hear any word beginning with 'N.'"
This is obviously a lie, because Herb has never reacted this way before, so I guess he just really wanted an excuse to punch that guy for some reason.
Comic
2012-09-21
Pondering Blondie
Back on the 16th there was a particular Blondie strip that got me wondering about Dagwood and what it is that he actually does.
Here Dithers assigns him a "major account" and which Dagwood must come up with a "proposal" in order to secure this "account". These all sound like sort of vaguely businessy things, but what does it actually mean? What does this company actually do?
Today the mystery deepened when it was revealed that Dagwood is actually the office manager.
I'm confused. Why would the office manager be asked to "nab" new accounts? Is an office manager not what I think it is? And what does this company do? Does anyone know?
Today the mystery deepened when it was revealed that Dagwood is actually the office manager.
2012-09-20
2012-09-19
Crankshaft
Jeff and Pam are standing in a pitch black void looking through the contents of some cardboard boxes.
"Just look at all the boxes of stuff that Max has stored up here." says Pam, dejectedly. "CDs... DVDs... floppy DVDs..."
Jeff looks concerned, but says nothing.
Comic
"Just look at all the boxes of stuff that Max has stored up here." says Pam, dejectedly. "CDs... DVDs... floppy DVDs..."
Jeff looks concerned, but says nothing.
Comic
2012-09-18
Ginger Meggs
Ginger and Benny are sitting in a billycart. It's night time.
"This is so exciting!" says Ginger. "The first ride down Deadman's Hill in our new billycart!"
Suddenly it's daytime.
"It kind of has that 'new kart smell'" says Ginger.
Benny looks shocked. "Oh, that's probably this." he says, holding aloft a whole, uncooked fish. "Sorry... I thought I might get hungry."
Comic
"This is so exciting!" says Ginger. "The first ride down Deadman's Hill in our new billycart!"
Suddenly it's daytime.
"It kind of has that 'new kart smell'" says Ginger.
Benny looks shocked. "Oh, that's probably this." he says, holding aloft a whole, uncooked fish. "Sorry... I thought I might get hungry."
Comic
2012-09-17
Hi and Lois
"I think I just blew a fuse." says Lois, pointing at the blender.
"I'll show you how to reset it." says Hi, patronisingly. Because women don't understand complicated things like electricity or fuses, right?
"Flip the switch." says Hi, obviously disappointed to learn that his house has safety switches instead of fuses.
"If I get electrocuted it's your fault." says Lois, crossing her fingers and preparing to flip the safety switch back on. Because apparently women don't understand complicated things like electricity or switches, I guess?
Comic
"I'll show you how to reset it." says Hi, patronisingly. Because women don't understand complicated things like electricity or fuses, right?
"Flip the switch." says Hi, obviously disappointed to learn that his house has safety switches instead of fuses.
"If I get electrocuted it's your fault." says Lois, crossing her fingers and preparing to flip the safety switch back on. Because apparently women don't understand complicated things like electricity or switches, I guess?
Comic
2012-09-13
Mark Trail
As Rusty runs from the poachers he carelessly trips over an old log, probably overbalanced by the weight of his enormous head. As he falls, he hurls SASSY! ahead of him, the LITTLE DOG flying through the air in terror.
"We can't let him get away! Come on!" calls one poacher to the other as they stumble and flail awkwardly along in the wrong direction.
Comic
"We can't let him get away! Come on!" calls one poacher to the other as they stumble and flail awkwardly along in the wrong direction.
Comic
2012-09-12
Bound and Gagged
A fat man sits on a chair watching a woman hold a broom.
"These cobwebs are ridiculous." says the woman.
The caption informs us that one of these people is "Spider-man's housekeeper". Does this scene take place in Peter Parker's flat? If so, why is there someone there watching the housekeeper? Where are Peter and MJ, and do they know these people are in their house? Honestly, this seems awfully suspicious.
Comic
"These cobwebs are ridiculous." says the woman.
The caption informs us that one of these people is "Spider-man's housekeeper". Does this scene take place in Peter Parker's flat? If so, why is there someone there watching the housekeeper? Where are Peter and MJ, and do they know these people are in their house? Honestly, this seems awfully suspicious.
Comic
2012-09-11
Marmaduke
Marmaduke sits at the table, waiting eagerly as Dottie sticks some dog-biscuits into a bowl of ice-cream. Phil looks on in horror, spoon poised halfway between his own bowl of ice-cream and his mouth.
"Now you're really spoiling him." he says.
In fact, it's a pretty bad idea to feed ice-cream to fully grown dogs as they are, like most adult mammals, lactose intolerant.
Comic
"Now you're really spoiling him." he says.
In fact, it's a pretty bad idea to feed ice-cream to fully grown dogs as they are, like most adult mammals, lactose intolerant.
Comic
2012-09-10
Crankshaft
"Let me tell you how I want the grass cut." says the grumpy old man to the surly teen.
"I just push this back and forth until it's all short, right?" asks the boy, pointing to the lawnmower.
"Sit!" orders the man, patting the seat beside him. "This may take a while."
Comic
"I just push this back and forth until it's all short, right?" asks the boy, pointing to the lawnmower.
"Sit!" orders the man, patting the seat beside him. "This may take a while."
Comic
2012-09-09
Spiderman
"Did you really think a few hoops would stop me?" asks Spiderman, looking in completely the wrong direction.
"Just wanted to slow you down for a second." says Clown 9, "- so I could blend into my surroundings!"
"Diving into a gaggle of clowns won't save you!" says Spiderman, noticing that all the other clowns are dressed entirely in purple and therefore make for a terrible hiding place.
"Don't be too sure!" says Clown 9, who is apparently colourblind.
Comic
"Just wanted to slow you down for a second." says Clown 9, "- so I could blend into my surroundings!"
"Diving into a gaggle of clowns won't save you!" says Spiderman, noticing that all the other clowns are dressed entirely in purple and therefore make for a terrible hiding place.
"Don't be too sure!" says Clown 9, who is apparently colourblind.
Comic
2012-09-08
Mary Worth
"Please think about volunteering at the hospital, Dawn!" says Mary, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that Dawn has shaved her eyebrows off mid-conversation.
"It seems to work well for you, Mary." says Dawn, pretending to weigh unspecified objects in her hands. "But I don't know if it would work for me!"
"You can try it out!" says Mary, completely ignoring Dawn's miraculous ability to regrow her eyebrows in a matter of seconds. "If nothing else, it will open your eyes to other kinds of people!"
Comic
"It seems to work well for you, Mary." says Dawn, pretending to weigh unspecified objects in her hands. "But I don't know if it would work for me!"
"You can try it out!" says Mary, completely ignoring Dawn's miraculous ability to regrow her eyebrows in a matter of seconds. "If nothing else, it will open your eyes to other kinds of people!"
Comic
2012-09-07
Spiderman
Spiderman has just webbed an elephant that was slowly wandering towards him.
"When my webbing melts, Babar, you'll be as good as new." he says, standing comfortably on an ankle that was, mere moments earlier, sprained too painfully to stand on.
"Which is more than you'll be able to say!" calls Clown 9. "Party time's over!" he says for no apparent reason as he throws half a dozen hula hoops over Spiderman's head.
"That creep just won't give up!" thinks Spiderman, not even wondering how an ordinary human with no super-powers was so easily able to humiliate him. He's just come to expect that, as have we all.
Comic
"When my webbing melts, Babar, you'll be as good as new." he says, standing comfortably on an ankle that was, mere moments earlier, sprained too painfully to stand on.
"Which is more than you'll be able to say!" calls Clown 9. "Party time's over!" he says for no apparent reason as he throws half a dozen hula hoops over Spiderman's head.
"That creep just won't give up!" thinks Spiderman, not even wondering how an ordinary human with no super-powers was so easily able to humiliate him. He's just come to expect that, as have we all.
Comic
2012-09-06
2012-09-05
2012-09-04
The Lockhorns
Leroy sits hunched at the window, holding a tablet computer. "We may not be able to keep up with the Joneses, " he says, "but I can steal their wifi."
He takes no joy in this petty act of rebellion, and Loretta neither condones nor condemns him. She just doesn't care. Neither of them do. They don't even remember what it is to care, about anything or anyone.
Comic
He takes no joy in this petty act of rebellion, and Loretta neither condones nor condemns him. She just doesn't care. Neither of them do. They don't even remember what it is to care, about anything or anyone.
Comic
2012-09-02
Retail
"Yes!" exclaims a customer, holding a box in one hand and his phone in the other.
"I just found this product $3.00 cheaper online!" he continues, carefully avoiding identifying the product in any way and making sure to specify that it is three dollars and zero cents exactly. The staff watch him in confusion.
"Ha ha ha ha!" he yells, flexing. "You lose, pathetic brick-and-mortar relic of the old world! The internet has freed me from the bloated bottom line of your antiquated business model!"
The staff watch him in silence.
Suddenly his phone goes "ding" and he swivels his head to stare at it, holding his arm out beside him and his elbow at 90 degrees.
"$6.00 for shipping?!" he exclaims in sudden rage, still carefully making note of the fact that the price is an exact number of dollars with no cents. The staff lose interest and wander off.
Comic
"I just found this product $3.00 cheaper online!" he continues, carefully avoiding identifying the product in any way and making sure to specify that it is three dollars and zero cents exactly. The staff watch him in confusion.
"Ha ha ha ha!" he yells, flexing. "You lose, pathetic brick-and-mortar relic of the old world! The internet has freed me from the bloated bottom line of your antiquated business model!"
The staff watch him in silence.
Suddenly his phone goes "ding" and he swivels his head to stare at it, holding his arm out beside him and his elbow at 90 degrees.
"$6.00 for shipping?!" he exclaims in sudden rage, still carefully making note of the fact that the price is an exact number of dollars with no cents. The staff lose interest and wander off.
Comic
2012-09-01
The Lockhorns
Leroy and Loretta are sitting in a café. A waitress is standing by their table.
"Leroy got paid today..." says Loretta, with malicious joy, "throw some cheese on that burger."
Leroy glowers across the table at her. The waitress takes the order, filled with the soul-crushing fatigue felt by all those who come into contact with the Lockhorns.
Comic
"Leroy got paid today..." says Loretta, with malicious joy, "throw some cheese on that burger."
Leroy glowers across the table at her. The waitress takes the order, filled with the soul-crushing fatigue felt by all those who come into contact with the Lockhorns.
Comic
Zits
"... so then you can just go to image > pixel aspect ratio > custom pixel aspect ratio, then..." rambles Jeremy nonsensically, effortlessly pronouncing two greater-than symbols.
A deer with Walt's face stands beside a road, staring blankly at the reader, its antlers like two grasping hands raised to the sky.
"You're getting that look again." says Jeremy.
"What look?" asks Walt.
Comic
A deer with Walt's face stands beside a road, staring blankly at the reader, its antlers like two grasping hands raised to the sky.
"You're getting that look again." says Jeremy.
"What look?" asks Walt.
Comic
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