Comics for the Blind

2014-05-30

Philosophical Friday: Bring Back DailyINK!

King Features Syndicate publishes their comics online through the website Comics Kingdom. It's one of the two places I read the comics I talk about here (the other being Universal Uclick's GoComics). But before Comics Kingdom, King Features had a site called DailyINK, and it was about a billion times better.

I should point out, when they changed the site they added a bunch of stuff that I really like. They started putting up higher resolution images and expanded the archives so you can see older strips, and they added a bunch of vintage strips, which is nice. So it's not all bad.

But the biggest change for me, on a day-to-day basis, is that everything now takes much longer to load. The way Comics Kingdom works is that all your subscribed comics appear on a single page. And even though it won't display them at full size until you click them, it loads the full-size images anyway. I read a lot of comics, so I basically have to start the page loading and then go and do something else for a while to give it time to load.

That would be an inconvenience, but not a major one. What really annoys me is the fact that even a single strip now takes around 15 seconds to load. It may not sound like much, but it feels like a while when you're just sitting there waiting for it, and if you're trying to read through archived strips then it really adds up.

This ends up meaning that even though you've paid for access to their archives, browsing them is such a hassle that I doubt many people make much use of it. By comparison, the archives on DailyINK didn't go back as far, but strips loaded almost instantly, so you could easily read through old comics.

The other change that makes the archives less useful is the fact that the images are now accessed in a different way. It used to be that you could enter the image URL to go directly to it, and they were named in a straight-forward manner. If today's Spider-Man strip was tas20140530.gif then you knew that yesterday's would be tas20140529.gif, so you could actually write your own scripts to grab a whole lot of comics all at once to read offline. The actual URL I get for today's Spider-Man strip now is http://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/ck3/content.php?file=aHR0cDovL3NhZnIua2luZ2ZlYXR1cmVzLmNvbS9UaGVBbWF6aW5nU3BpZGVybWFuLzIwMTQvMDUvU3BpZGVybWFuLjIwMTQwNTMwXzE0NDAuZ2lm which is obviously not supposed to mean anything to a human reading it and gives no hint of what the previous one would be. I don't even know if that URL would work for anyone else or if it's unique to me.

I've contacted King Features about this issue, and here's what they told me:

We've had a few complaints about speed compared with the previous site, but there's definitely a lot more going on. For example, the new site is responsive and is built with mobile devices in mind. That comes at a price.

Thanks for the feedback.

So it doesn't look like they intend to do anything about this at all. Apparently whatever back-end improvements they feel they've made to the site are worth the fact that the whole thing is worse than the previous version from the perspective of people trying to use it. Still, if you have a Comics Kingdom subscription then I encourage you to complain about the site, because if enough people do then maybe they might eventually feel it worthwhile to do something.

2014-05-29

Sitcom Thursday: Horrific abuses of power

Safe Havens, 2014-05-22.

"Samantha's performing her usual ritual before the lab closes for the summer..." says Rosalind, looking out the window. "...saving the lives of the lab rats by turning them into flowers and planting them outside!"
"More! More!" cry the flowers as Samantha sprinkles something onto them.
"Look, guys." says Samantha. "Someone is gonna notice that this is parmesan cheese..."

The lab rats are sentient, they can speak. They were going to be killed, but instead they were transformed into flowers by ~~mad sorcerer~~ geneticist Samantha Argus. They can still speak, but despite this the university has no problem paving over them, so Sam has to transfer them to her own garden. But then she discovers that when they sneeze (which is a thing they can do) their pollen turns animals into flowers, so she seals them in a glass case for their rest of their lives. Is there any part of this that isn't horrifying?

The Barn, 2014-05-26.

Rory has a desk with a sign on it reading "Rory's Classics". Stan approaches and takes a sheaf of papers from the desk.
"'Gone with the breeze'?" reads Stan.
"Global warming." says Rory.

OK, Ralph Hagen, which part of "more extreme weather conditions" are you having trouble understanding?

Retail, 2014-05-28.

"Lunker did these counts awfully fast, Cooper." says Marla. "Are you sure they're accurate?"
"There are 57 packets in this box..." says Cooper. "Observe."
He dumps the packets onto the ground.
"How many, Lunker?"
"57." says Lunker.
"Why isn't he counting everything?" asks Marla.
"I don't abuse the power of Lunker." says Cooper.

No, seriously though, why isn't he counting everything? How would that in any way be an abuse of power? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2014-05-29.

"Whar's Silas, Elviney ?" asks Loweezy.
"He's in th' back of th' store inspectin' the' canned goods !!" says Elviney. "An' between you an' me -- changin' all th' exp'ration dates !!"
Loweezy is horrified.

Well, now everyone in town is going to know and you're going to be ~~put out of business~~ be run out of town by an angry mob. Nice going, Elviney.

2014-05-28

One-Panel Wednesday: Sticky notes and sticky fingers

The Family Circus, 2014-05-16.

Billy has a piece of paper with "8+8=16" written on it.
"Guess what!" he says. "In another year I'll be halfway to driving your car!"
His father just looks at him blankly.

The joke here, of course, is that Billy will never have the mental capacity required to drive a car.

F-Minus, 2014-05-19.

A young man and an old woman cross paths in the street. As they do so, the man grabs the woman's bag and takes off with it. But something seems unusual about this scenario...
"Hey..." he says, "where's my wallet?"
It turns out that the woman has picked his pocket and is now in possession of his wallet.

Pluggers, 2014-05-22.

Earl applies yet another sticky note to a wall already covered in them.

A plugger always uses tape when using a sticky note.

Sticky notes are supposed to be temporary. They're not meant to stay up for year after year. If you want to store notes on a more permanent basis, there are better ways. Why do people do this?

2014-05-27

Action Tuesday: Everyone just wants to see Katherine naked

This week Alley Oop has been telling Ooola about how he fell off a cliff and died and was brought back to life, then someone write a book about it. Ooola thinks he's making it up and I haven't been reading this comic long enough to know if it's true or not. But now Foozy has just shown up to return a book Oop lent him, which Alley is implying is the one about his death, but actually appears to be Frankenstein.

Alley Oop, 2014-05-26.

"Did you like the book, Foozy?" asks Alley.
"A gripping tale that's soaked in fear! Best story that I've read all year!"
"Foozy, wh..." begins Ooola. "Wha... what's it about?"
"A man once dead returned to life, while all around are doomed to strife!"
"Toldja so!" says Alley.

OK, that is not the story of Frankenstein. I read it recently, so it's still pretty fresh in my mind. Frankenstein's creature, in the book, is not a reanimated corpse or even made from corpse parts. Frankenstein studied corpses to find out how human bodies work, but he made the creature (by some unexplained method) on a larger scale than a human so the pieces wouldn't be so small and fiddly, so it's not possible that he could have used parts of humans in the construction. I'm beginning to think that this comic about time-travelling, dinosaur-riding cavemen isn't as meticulously fact-checked as one might presume.

The Amazing Spider-Man, 2014-05-27.

"One of the prison's walls has been felled by the quake..." says the newsreader on TV.
"Doc Ock may escape!" says Peter, finishing his coffee. "I've got to get up there — but it's way too far to web-swing to..."
"So this time, take a cab." says MJ, pulling a wad of cash from her purse. "This one's on me!"
"!" says Peter.

So many things I love about newspaper Spider-Man here. First there's the fact that he is once again finding out about potential super-villainy by watching TV, then there's the fact that he can't think of any way to get around other than by web-swinging. Also, he's dressed as Peter, in a public place, loudly talking about being Spider-Man. And I really hope we're going to see him feeling insecure about how MJ earns more than he does again, because that's always funny.

Judge Parker, 2014-05-27.

"Tell me, madam..." says Flaco, "did you know what kind of family your son was marrying into?"
"Mmmphhh!" says Katherine, because she's still gagged.
Flaco removes the gag because apparently that question wasn't rhetorical.
"Are you looking through my dress with those things?" asks Katherine, referring to the night-vision goggles.
"well..." says Flaco, taken aback. "Uh, no... not exactly!"

I can't tell you how much I love the fact that the only thing Katherine has been worried about this entire time is that people might be using surveillance technology to see through her clothes, even after several people have told her that that's not possible, and after she's been taken prisoner by a heavily armed man in the middle of the jungle.

2014-05-26

Melodrama Monday: So tell me, how long did it take you to fall in love with Jack?

Well, as we saw last last week, all Tommy needed was for Mary Worth to tell him to redeem himself and for Wilbur to exert some of his immense influence in the sandwich community.

Mary Worth, 2014-05-20.

"I told Tommy he has our support... but we want him to try to do the right thing!" says Mary.
"Your encouragement AKA guilt trip seems to be working!" says Iris. "He's making an effort!"

Meanwhile...

"I'm going to interview for a job as a janitor!" thinks Tommy, remembering how the prison guards used to force him at gunpoint to try to mop the floors with some sort of weird broom. "I suppose it's familiar territory!"

I'd like to point out again that the only reason Iris or anyone else thought Tommy wasn't putting in an effort before is that she kept seeing him on his laptop and assumed he had spent all day wasting time. For all she (and we) know he spent all day looking at employment listings and sending in résumés. And the reason he got this interview was nothing to do with his effort or lack of it, it was entirely down to Jerry owing Wilbur a favour. But sure, let's pretend that the lesson here is that it's easy to find a job if you just put in some effort, even if you're a convicted criminal with no education or experience.

And of course Tommy did get the job — after all, Jerry knows he'd be nothing without Wilbur. No restaurant can survive in Santa Royale unless it gets in the Good Eats section of the local paper, and the only way you get in there is through Wilbur. But the drama isn't over, because apparently Tommy is not sufficiently enthusiastic about his low-paying, menial, night-shift job to suit his mother. No doubt Mary will have to step in and help him to realise how his poor attitude is holding him back and this will lead to him being promoted to assistant manager or something.

Speaking of new jobs, June has just started hers in Rex Morgan, and her new boss has demanded that in addition to the job she agreed to do she also has to get a PhD. This new job was supposed to be a way for her to cut back on her workload during her pregnancy.

Rex Morgan MD, 2014-05-23.

"So, you'll keep your practice, teach for me, raise a family and get your doctorate?" asks Dr. Golden.
"Will the college pay for my doctorate?" asks June.
"Yes, every dime! Will you do it?"
"Yes, Dr. Golden, you have my commitment!"

So basically, June is crazy. Also there's some drama about Dr. Golden making all sorts of changes that the existing staff don't like, but since we don't know any of these people I'm just not that interested in it.

And since we're on the topic of people I don't know (Carol) or care about (Tommie), let's talk about Apartment 3-G. Remember the woman in yellow who showed up last week? Her name's Carol and she's totally insane.

Apartment 3-G, 2014-05-25.

Morning at Jack's place...

"Hello?! Who are you?!" demands Carol, gesticulating wildly.
"I'm Tommie Thompson," says Tommie cheerfully, "and you are?!"
"My name is Carol. So tell me, how long did it take you to fall in love with Jack?"
"I hope you're kidding, Carol. I respect Jack, but I'm not in love with him."
"I really get under your skin, don't I, Tommie! If you're not in love with Jack... why do you work like a dog for him?"
"You could say it's therapy."
"So that's what you two have in common!"

Now, that's a Sunday recap strip so it does skip a bit, but I encourage you to read the preceding week, because it doesn't actually make any more sense even with the extra context.